losteverything

I am sitting here for the millionth time, reading SR, and this niggling little AV which has been persistant all day is saying...."you have the place to yourself, a free night, can sleep in tomorrow, money and opportunity, why not have a couple because you have been sober for so long now. Who is to know? "
This is how easily things could go wrong, so simply when I forget for a moment why it is that I have been here for over 6 years. Why I have done long stretches, then relapse. Its not a burden thats impossible to carry when it comes around sporadically like it is now... BUT it is an impossible burden to carry once I take that first seemingly innocent drink. Who is to know? I could lie to my children, they wont see me tonight, I know my dog wont say a thing, and I dont have to answer the phone, so who is to know?
I would...and there is the simple truth about my addiction. My problem is MY Problem..I can ask for whatever help I want, but its my problem, and I must take care of it. The best way for me to start taking care of it is to not pick up that drink. It isn't an innocent drink that will soothe me, caress and warm me, its something way more sinister to my mental health and body.. This I have to remember, so I will have a soft drink tonight, and know that tomorrow I will feel stronger for pizzing off that Addictive Voice again...to thine own self be true..

least

Good for you for making the sane and sober choice.

Melina

Thank you so much for this post.

6 years is amazing, congratulations.

sugarbear1

I choose not to drink since I have to sleep with myself.

I would know.

hugs and love to you!

losteverything

thanks.. safe again
Melina, I was stubborn/slow learner, so although I wish I could say I have 6 years, I admit not yet, not close... but it will come, one day at a time.

sillysuzanfree

I can relate...My AV talks to me all the time still after 17 months. It will be Saturday afternoon and I'll think...I've gotten everything done today I need to do, no work tomorrow, etc. Wouldn't it be nice to have some wine and watch a movie??? But then as I keep saying, "I play the tape all the way through"...and so far that works for me!

cascademn

hey lost, thanks for this helpful post and all the kindness you've shown me since I joined in June. I hear you about the AV. It's always lurking in the background somewhere. In the shadows. I'm glad you posted about it. It's something I should do too when the voice whispers.
Yours,
Cas

ScottFromWI

Great reminder, and so true. We hold the keys for sure. Thanks for the reminder