Notices

Admitting to People You're an Alcoholic

Old 10-14-2013, 02:25 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 9
Admitting to People You're an Alcoholic

Does there ever come a time when this is important? I'm going to guess the reason is only if it's comfortable for you, and your friends accept it without questions. I've not been to a bar in many months, but if some one asks "you don't want a beer or anything?" what is a good reply? Thanks but I'm cutting back, or I'm just not drinking right now, or That's ok, you guys go ahead. There's a group of guys I know who, when they get together, go to the same bar and get very buzzed. I like them a lot, but I've been afraid to join them. Any advice? Thanks
Bluemax65 is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 02:57 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sobersunshine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
"no thanks, I'll have a ginger ale."
That should suffice and you don't owe anybody an explanation.
If you wish to share that you're in recovery, of course you can if you are comfortable with that.
Don't let anyone bully you into explaining yourself if you don't want to.
I just keep saying, "no, thank you." "no, I just want pop." until people get bored and give up.
I also pretty much avoid most drinking situations for the time being. 1.) they no longer interest me. 2.) I don't need the temptation. Not that I'm really tempted at the moment, but my addiction is just waiting on the sidelines doing pushups, waiting for one little moment of weakness. If that moment comes, I don't want to be in a bar when it happens.
Sobersunshine is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 02:57 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
You can say: I am driving so I'll stick with water. Whatever feels comfortable to you. Your decisions are yours alone and you do not owe anyone an explanation.
Mizzuno is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 03:12 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
AlmA
 
Aiko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
Hi blue,

I had many problems too... only a very few Know IT.

My family does not know and last Christmas was hell.
I pretended had a Headache all Christmas...

At work do not know and they keep pushing, but at the end they stopped,
I always ask for Alcohol Free Beer and that is it.
They suspect it, as they know me drunk.
But who cares???

I do not have to do what people want me to...
If they want to drink good luck...
I can not, I do not control it but I do not have to give every body an explanation...

But my favourite answers are:
I always take the car, perfect excuse... I drive.
I got a horrible headache!
I am on antibiotics!
I got stomach problems...
I got to get up early tomorrow...
I get coca-cola and say it is Whisky-cola,
or alcohol free beer and in the glass nobody knows...

But I generally avoid this situations as it is hard not to...
But It can be done and with time you will actually have a laughter without it I promise.

You can do it!!!
But if you think you are about to do it.... FLEE LIKE A GAZELLE....

You will get use to it and them too.

GOOD LUCK

Aiko is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 03:15 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,961
Say, "No thanks, I don't drink."

That being said, why do you want to hang out in a bar with a bunch of guys who drink to get very buzzed when you don't drink? I suggest you don't, but suggest the next time they want to hang out where getting drunk isn't the aim, you'll be there.
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 03:20 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
AlmA
 
Aiko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
I am afraid
DOGGO Is right...!!!!


why can you see them during the day time, going out for lunch, doing activities,...
The are not all the time drunk, right???

I tend to avoid it, it is not comfortable really and you are in danger.

Re-think it!!!

Aiko is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 03:26 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,355
Hello Blue.

I was so far gone when I quit I was actually anxious to announce I was no longer drinking. It was helpful for me to have it out in the open - most everyone knew I was having a battle with it, so there was no point in keeping it a secret. I guess it depends on your situation. A few pressed me for a reason. I told them I felt I was becoming too dependent on it. (What an understatement ). Surprisingly no one made any snarky comments - which I was sort of expecting.
Hevyn is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 03:36 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 9
Aiko, I was cracking up with your answers! Thank you for responding!
Bluemax65 is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 03:39 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
you can just say "i don't feel like it".
gotta work, go to the gym, i'm driving, i have a doc's appointment tomorrow, etc. etc.

there's a million excuses to come for NOT drinking. did you ever come up with an excuse to drink? there's just as many to not drink.

but the advise is to avoid that sort of situation in the first place. why risk it?
if you miss your buddies, swing by for 30 min and then "remember something" and say i'm sorry... i have to run. forgot to turn off the tea pot.
serious is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 03:59 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
hypochondriac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Originally Posted by Bluemax65 View Post
Does there ever come a time when this is important? I'm going to guess the reason is only if it's comfortable for you, and your friends accept it without questions. I've not been to a bar in many months, but if some one asks "you don't want a beer or anything?" what is a good reply? Thanks but I'm cutting back, or I'm just not drinking right now, or That's ok, you guys go ahead. There's a group of guys I know who, when they get together, go to the same bar and get very buzzed. I like them a lot, but I've been afraid to join them. Any advice? Thanks
It's not really important. Not to others. Not like it is to us. There is a good chance that most people won't bat an eye if you decide you don't want to drink. If people do and tease you about it then you absolutely do not want to be hanging out with these people. Think about it. If you want to create a life where you are happy sober do you really want to be making excuses all the time? Avoid drinking situations til you are strong in your recovery and try and make some sober friends. Trust me. I did the opposite and I don't recommend it x
hypochondriac is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 04:20 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Marcher13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Originally Posted by serious View Post
did you ever come up with an excuse to drink?
Oh Serious, what a crack up! I love this.

Blue I think all of us go through this stage of wondering what we are going to tell people. Occasionally a friend will say to me Still not drinking? and I'll say no way, I feel too good without it which is absolutely true.

As for going out with your friends when they are going to get buzzed, think about why you want to go -- they'll make more sense at other times.
Marcher13 is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 05:38 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,270
"No, thanks", and no need for an explanation of any kind.
Anna is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 07:20 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NW
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by Hevyn View Post
Hello Blue.

I was so far gone when I quit I was actually anxious to announce I was no longer drinking. It was helpful for me to have it out in the open - most everyone knew I was having a battle with it, so there was no point in keeping it a secret. I guess it depends on your situation. A few pressed me for a reason. I told them I felt I was becoming too dependent on it. (What an understatement ). Surprisingly no one made any snarky comments - which I was sort of expecting.
I could have wrote that word for word. I thought I kept the battle within me and a secrete but after I quit and started telling people they were happy for me.
Whiterhino24 is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 07:44 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
I just come right out with it.
I don't go to bars. A month or so ago I got asked out for drinks by a couple of women I take a class with. I said ," I don't drink. Thanks for asking" I was cool with it. Then one of the women said ," Okay how about Starbuck's?" I told them they did not have to change plans because of me but they insisted. So we went to Starbuck's. Sat outside and ended up talking until midnight.
escapist is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 07:51 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
ZeldaFan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
My friends and coworkers were well aware of my drinking by the time I made the decision to get sober so I was just out with it with them. To those less close to me, when I'm asked if I want a drink I just say I have made the choice not to drink anymore. I have yet to have anyone really push it. It's definitely a very personal choice how much you share and with those in which you choose to confide.
ZeldaFan is offline  
Old 10-14-2013, 08:39 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Renarde's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
I cut alcohol out of my diet and lost weight with no effort. I don't like how it makes me feel anymore. It interferes with my health and fitness goals. It makes me too tired. im not productive when i drink. i don't sleep well. That's what I tell people and it's still the truth.
Renarde is offline  
Old 10-15-2013, 12:04 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Guest
 
ReadyAtLast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I just tell new people "I don't drink" No one has pushed it any further.F&F know I just stopped because Idrank too much.No long winded explanations required

I would also question why you are considering hanging round bars with people who get drunk.Can you do other things with them or do you just drink with them?If the latter you'll probably find they're not even a bit interesting when they're drunk and you're sober and will grow apart.

Be honest with yourself though- do you really think you can go to a bar on a night out and NOT drink? Will you want to drink? What are your motives for going? A bar would be the last place I would be in early recovery. I 'm not saying avoid forever of course but for me part of getting sober is changing my lifestyle.

We see it so many times on SR. People quitting drinking but continuing their old lifestyles in bars and clubs trying to stick to soft drinks. They may not drink 1 night but the turmoil is so apparent. If they continue to do it they rarely stay sober
ReadyAtLast is offline  
Old 10-15-2013, 01:30 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
GracieLou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I had no friends left. I even drank away the drinkers.

I did notice the other day for the first time, I am a slow learner, that when I am around people that I have not been around much that my old habits sneak in. I am not referring to drinking but my old mind set.

I am fine around people in AA and people at work. I guess because I see them almost everyday.

One is my mother. She lives with me but I don't see her often. I know that sounds strange but days can go by and we don't talk. She spends 99.9% of her time in her room.

The other is my friend up the street. I do talk on the phone with him at least once a week but again, I am not physically around him.

As soon as I talk to either of these people face to face, the old me comes out. The way I used to relate and converse with them. It is like every single thing I have learned and every part me that has grown flies right out the window.

I am sure if I was sitting in a bar the same thing would happen. In fact that is what happened when I relapsed. I was so tired of meetings and sitting at home. I wanted to get out and see "regular" people so I went to a bar with my ex-husband. I was okay for about an hour and then I got a shot. That was all it took. I drank again for nine years.

But back to your question.

Since I drank away everyone I don't really have this issue. I don't go out with friends other than people in AA. The two people I mentioned above know I don't drink anymore so that is not an issue.

I do remember when I was three months sober. I got glasses for the first time and it was so weird to look through them at first. It was kinda like I was drunk. I said to the sales lady that very thing. She said "You feel like you have had a couple or you need a couple?". It was towards the end of the day so I think she was in that it is 5 o'clock somewhere state of mind.

The first thing that popped in my head was "I am an alcoholic, I don't drink". Now I did not say that but I now wish I would have, sorta. I just wanted to see the look on her face...lol
GracieLou is offline  
Old 10-15-2013, 06:08 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
ExWinoMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth Australia
Posts: 221
Don't join the guys at the bar whatever you do. Hehe
I would just say "no I don't drink" I suppose then they would ask why etc. Annoying!
ExWinoMom is offline  
Old 10-15-2013, 06:17 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
ExWinoMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth Australia
Posts: 221
Don't stand on the slippery bank if you don't want to fall in the creek.
ExWinoMom is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:56 PM.