Admitting to People You're an Alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Baaaaaahston
Posts: 16
When someone offers me a drink I just say no thanks. If I get the hairy eyeball I tell whoever offered and didn't like my reply " it wasn't working out ". With a joking tone to it. Usually they get it.
Though all my coworkers (who were utterly clueless i was an alcoholic ) all now know and so do all my friends and family. Also I don't frequent any evens related to alcohol, I will stay for dinner but when the booze gets brought out I call it a night. Nevermind i find drunk people very annoying and difficult to be around. Weird considering I did it for fifteen straight years. So I don't really get in that position a lot.
Though all my coworkers (who were utterly clueless i was an alcoholic ) all now know and so do all my friends and family. Also I don't frequent any evens related to alcohol, I will stay for dinner but when the booze gets brought out I call it a night. Nevermind i find drunk people very annoying and difficult to be around. Weird considering I did it for fifteen straight years. So I don't really get in that position a lot.
Despite what a lot of folks on here say, there are certain social situations I have encountered where "I don't drink" or other innocuous drink rejection is not enough. If you have a job where drinking is regularly expected, people want a good reason. I work with nosy sales people who I've had to go into great depths to justify my not drinking. I've even had them say "I don't believe you're an alcoholic" and hand me a drink.
There are a host of reasons as to why people who aren't recovering alcoholics would choose to abstain. For some, even small amounts of alcohol gives them headaches and makes them sick. For others, it's about losing weight, maintaining blood pressure, wanting to lead an all round healthy lifestyle etc etc.
For me because of my age, I found the only way for people to take the non drinking thing seriously was for me to tell them it caused problems for me. I have never told anyone I'm an alcoholic per say, but I have told them that alcohol, even in small quantities induces panic attacks for me and so I need to keep off it. I've even told some people that alcohol makes me far less sociable and a pain in the ass to be around and they generally accept that as a reasonable answer to the question of why I'm not drinking. If you show yourself to be good company and are capable of having a laugh without alcohol you're unlikely to run in to problems. If however, you're in a bar sober looking absolutely miserable and like you'd want to be anywhere else in the world at that moment and you're surrounded by people who are drinking, that's when you're going to get harassed about the fact you're not having a drinking.
For me because of my age, I found the only way for people to take the non drinking thing seriously was for me to tell them it caused problems for me. I have never told anyone I'm an alcoholic per say, but I have told them that alcohol, even in small quantities induces panic attacks for me and so I need to keep off it. I've even told some people that alcohol makes me far less sociable and a pain in the ass to be around and they generally accept that as a reasonable answer to the question of why I'm not drinking. If you show yourself to be good company and are capable of having a laugh without alcohol you're unlikely to run in to problems. If however, you're in a bar sober looking absolutely miserable and like you'd want to be anywhere else in the world at that moment and you're surrounded by people who are drinking, that's when you're going to get harassed about the fact you're not having a drinking.
Your post comes up a lot here and for the most part this is what rings true. The only people who care if you aren't drinking are you and others who are drinking and feel uncomfortable because you aren't. The latter usually have drinking issues of their own. Finally, those who don't have drinking issues but are used to you drinking. They assume that something is wrong if you don't and it makes them uncomfortable.
Who you tell and what you explain is your choice, this is your sobriety. Do whatever is necessary to keep it safe but remember, you owe no one any explanation. If asked why you're not drinking it's simple enough to say "Because I'm not". Anyone who presses further has their own interest at heart and not yours.
Who you tell and what you explain is your choice, this is your sobriety. Do whatever is necessary to keep it safe but remember, you owe no one any explanation. If asked why you're not drinking it's simple enough to say "Because I'm not". Anyone who presses further has their own interest at heart and not yours.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 400
"no thanks, I'll have a ginger ale."
That should suffice and you don't owe anybody an explanation.
If you wish to share that you're in recovery, of course you can if you are comfortable with that.
Don't let anyone bully you into explaining yourself if you don't want to.
I just keep saying, "no, thank you." "no, I just want pop." until people get bored and give up.
I also pretty much avoid most drinking situations for the time being. 1.) they no longer interest me. 2.) I don't need the temptation. Not that I'm really tempted at the moment, but my addiction is just waiting on the sidelines doing pushups, waiting for one little moment of weakness. If that moment comes, I don't want to be in a bar when it happens.
That should suffice and you don't owe anybody an explanation.
If you wish to share that you're in recovery, of course you can if you are comfortable with that.
Don't let anyone bully you into explaining yourself if you don't want to.
I just keep saying, "no, thank you." "no, I just want pop." until people get bored and give up.
I also pretty much avoid most drinking situations for the time being. 1.) they no longer interest me. 2.) I don't need the temptation. Not that I'm really tempted at the moment, but my addiction is just waiting on the sidelines doing pushups, waiting for one little moment of weakness. If that moment comes, I don't want to be in a bar when it happens.
The only ppl I talk openly about it are my gf my family and fellow alcoholics otherwise I usually get 'what you can't even have 1 beer ?' And I say no I just don't drink I don't have to tell the whole world same way I won't just have anyone round my house
Its what you feel comfortable with
Its what you feel comfortable with
I'm fairly new here, but see some form of this question all the time. Yes, very difficult what to say.
My friends don't really go to bars, it's more of a hang out at someones house in the evenings working of a classic car, meeting at a buds house on our bikes and discuss things motorcycle related, bar b que etc. But there is always a copious amount of beer around. My two closest friends are very heavy drinkers, got a top popped before noon on the weekends, pretty buzzed every night (same schedule I used to have).
Yep, I got the look the first time I turned down a beer. Questions, "Why not?", and so on.
Told the truth, "I have had enough hangovers for a while, gonna slow down a little bit". Didn't use the A word. Didn't see a need to. But make it plain you have made a conscious decision not to drink and stick to it. Your REAL friends wont give you a real hard time. It has actually gotten to be somewhat of a power trip, turning down alcohol, every time you do that is a a real mini victory in your journey.
I have had a couple of friends come to me one on one and say "Man, you are doing good with your drinking, wish I could slow down some" Quite a trip the first time it happened.
When the evening wears on, and everyone gets more than a little buzzed, I just leave. It is no fun for me being the only sober guy in the crowd. Not really tempted to drink, just no fun being in that situation. What is interesting is watching your friends change as they get more buzzed, talk louder, some want to argue, and so on. Makes me wonder how I used to get as I got drunker.
Bottom line, decline, stick to it. You will be surprised how fast everyone gets used to it.
My friends don't really go to bars, it's more of a hang out at someones house in the evenings working of a classic car, meeting at a buds house on our bikes and discuss things motorcycle related, bar b que etc. But there is always a copious amount of beer around. My two closest friends are very heavy drinkers, got a top popped before noon on the weekends, pretty buzzed every night (same schedule I used to have).
Yep, I got the look the first time I turned down a beer. Questions, "Why not?", and so on.
Told the truth, "I have had enough hangovers for a while, gonna slow down a little bit". Didn't use the A word. Didn't see a need to. But make it plain you have made a conscious decision not to drink and stick to it. Your REAL friends wont give you a real hard time. It has actually gotten to be somewhat of a power trip, turning down alcohol, every time you do that is a a real mini victory in your journey.
I have had a couple of friends come to me one on one and say "Man, you are doing good with your drinking, wish I could slow down some" Quite a trip the first time it happened.
When the evening wears on, and everyone gets more than a little buzzed, I just leave. It is no fun for me being the only sober guy in the crowd. Not really tempted to drink, just no fun being in that situation. What is interesting is watching your friends change as they get more buzzed, talk louder, some want to argue, and so on. Makes me wonder how I used to get as I got drunker.
Bottom line, decline, stick to it. You will be surprised how fast everyone gets used to it.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 226
I just say no thanks or I'll have a coke.
If they persist I say "No I don't drink"
if they a ask why I just say "I've had enough" , "done my time wth it"
sometimes they follow up and ask did you have a problem with it? I just say "nah nothing like that"
that's the end of it usually.
I made a mistake once and said my day count when I was pressured. Something like "nope haven't had a drink for 63 days"
don't ever do that! some clowns view it as a challenge.
I don't really use the term 'alcoholic' much. I'm a person who had an alcohol addiction and now avoids alcohol at all costs. Its the same thing but I personally don't like the word for me it's dehumanising. I'm a person with lots of characteristics my alcohol issues are not my total identity. I like to see myself as a non drinker. it's not really that radical there's actually a lot of other non drinkers (and very light drinkers) around. Seeing yourself as a non drinker is the way to meet them.
If you meet heavy drinkers and they see you as a non drinker they will avoid you... But if they think you're an 'alcoholic'. Wow here they come again with their damn questions!
If they persist I say "No I don't drink"
if they a ask why I just say "I've had enough" , "done my time wth it"
sometimes they follow up and ask did you have a problem with it? I just say "nah nothing like that"
that's the end of it usually.
I made a mistake once and said my day count when I was pressured. Something like "nope haven't had a drink for 63 days"
don't ever do that! some clowns view it as a challenge.
I don't really use the term 'alcoholic' much. I'm a person who had an alcohol addiction and now avoids alcohol at all costs. Its the same thing but I personally don't like the word for me it's dehumanising. I'm a person with lots of characteristics my alcohol issues are not my total identity. I like to see myself as a non drinker. it's not really that radical there's actually a lot of other non drinkers (and very light drinkers) around. Seeing yourself as a non drinker is the way to meet them.
If you meet heavy drinkers and they see you as a non drinker they will avoid you... But if they think you're an 'alcoholic'. Wow here they come again with their damn questions!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 226
I guess there's a time and a place for it.
I have a well-meaning friend who has coaxed me to have a drink with her. The first time she really wanted me to try her husband's special brew that she described as "the most amazing beer ever." She was pretty persistent until I gave the third "no." These were my responses:
1. Nah, I don't think I'm going to drink tonight
2. I'm fine with my Coke
3. I am not drinking tonight. Thank you.
Most people get it when you really mean it. It didn't even hurt her feelings. i think she was just a little disappointed. But, like we always say, people spend much less time thinking about us then we think.
The second time we were at a winery (birthday party) and she wanted to me come up to the counter and discuss wine and have lots of fun thinking about it before ordering. She asked if I enjoy ordering wine and I said "Nah, I don't drink wine." It worked and she has not asked me since.
I have never used the term "alcoholic" with any of my friends or family. I do use that term with myself and on this site. I also had to remember that many people don't drink at all.
1. Nah, I don't think I'm going to drink tonight
2. I'm fine with my Coke
3. I am not drinking tonight. Thank you.
Most people get it when you really mean it. It didn't even hurt her feelings. i think she was just a little disappointed. But, like we always say, people spend much less time thinking about us then we think.
The second time we were at a winery (birthday party) and she wanted to me come up to the counter and discuss wine and have lots of fun thinking about it before ordering. She asked if I enjoy ordering wine and I said "Nah, I don't drink wine." It worked and she has not asked me since.
I have never used the term "alcoholic" with any of my friends or family. I do use that term with myself and on this site. I also had to remember that many people don't drink at all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 120
I was recently in Holland for a work function and after work they were taking drink requests. I asked for water and a couple of them stared at me in disbelief. After a split second nothing about that really mattered any more, and after they had a few drinks other topics of discussion seemed more pressing that the fact I was only drinking water. I left after I finished my dinner - there was no reason for me to stay in that environment any longer.
IF you don't want to be tell them you will never drink again. Try: I'm on meds that will kill my liver if I drink. I just started at the gym, and I'm not going to have a drink and ruin an hour workout with drinks. I've been having trouble sleeping, and doc said cut back, it interferes with decent sleep. OR, the old, I feel I was drinking way too much lately, and I want to cut back for a while. IT sort of says you had a problem, but not that big a one, and its one most accept. lastly, My wife said if she smells it on my breath again, she's out.
I feel really lucky that I don't have any of these friends/people around me. Then again, I don't have a lot of friends that I hang with lately anyways. The ones I have know my deal though, some are even sober themselves. Family - they all know for the most part.
If I were in this situation though, I would just go with a simple "no thanks". I don't know how I would handle someone NOT taking that for an answer and getting pushy with it.
If I were in this situation though, I would just go with a simple "no thanks". I don't know how I would handle someone NOT taking that for an answer and getting pushy with it.
One openly admitted alcoholic in my company became politically ostracized because a lot of the management held planning meetings at bars. Don't ask. So personally I make excuses for not drinking including health and diet.
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