Day 1
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
try to get to days 2,3,4 ...1,000 ...
you don't want to be stuck in the cycle.
day one has always been the worst for me by far. that's when addiction is strong and the evil voices will try force you to continue.
but you also have to be strong... and the voices will quiet down.
(easier said than done, i know). we are here for your support.
you don't want to be stuck in the cycle.
day one has always been the worst for me by far. that's when addiction is strong and the evil voices will try force you to continue.
but you also have to be strong... and the voices will quiet down.
(easier said than done, i know). we are here for your support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Tampa FL
Posts: 178
I Can't wait for tomorrow to come. My aspirin has worn off and the Tylenol I just took has nit kicked in. I seriously feel like my brain is to big for my scull. The pain is excruciating. My biggest fear is that one day I will not wake up after a binge. I don't know how my body withstands the abuse. What a horrible way for a child to lose their mother. I don't want to die, but alcohol is killing me.
It is slow suicide. Alcohol doesn't jump into our mouth. It is inanimate, and cannot have intent, good, or bad. For me, to quit, I had to take full responsibility and stop thinking I drank because of the actions of others, external or internal pain, or that alcohol manipulated me. I have no issue with using those schemas as convenient expressions of feeling like there is an opponent. If there were a devil involved it needs a deal, we have to do it. If there are voices inside our own head it is us, and we have to do it. If thinking that my drinking was externally caused, that alcohol could mesmerize me from the store into going and picking up, and I was helpless when external temptations to drink occurred, well I could see a lot of revolving door relapses.
I pick up. Not a voice or demon.
My mind was like an unmade bed while drinking. I made my mind up. I bypassed the whole external construct as a cause and did whatever it took because my mind was no linger unmade.
I made my mind up.
I pick up. Not a voice or demon.
My mind was like an unmade bed while drinking. I made my mind up. I bypassed the whole external construct as a cause and did whatever it took because my mind was no linger unmade.
I made my mind up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Tampa FL
Posts: 178
[QUOTE=Itchy;4238731]It is slow suicide.
I agree. What I should have said is that I am killing myself with alcohol. I guess my mind has been unmade for a long time. I have one choice and that choice is not to take the first drink.
I agree. What I should have said is that I am killing myself with alcohol. I guess my mind has been unmade for a long time. I have one choice and that choice is not to take the first drink.
counting days, welcome to SR - it takes usually more than a swing or two.
your comment, is actually OK. admitting that you are broken, and that you are in a spot of accepting help, changing your life, taking advice, and stopping your addictive habits requires you to surrender, and that's good.
continuing to grapple with booze is like a pillow fight, but one of you has rocks in their pillowcase (i won't tell you which one )
you can do this, thanks for showing up and posting...
your comment, is actually OK. admitting that you are broken, and that you are in a spot of accepting help, changing your life, taking advice, and stopping your addictive habits requires you to surrender, and that's good.
continuing to grapple with booze is like a pillow fight, but one of you has rocks in their pillowcase (i won't tell you which one )
you can do this, thanks for showing up and posting...
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