First Post - 8 days off the booze
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1
First Post - 8 days off the booze
Hi,
First post here, feels a bit weird. I may ramble, but need to get it down "on paper". Perhaps something I can re-read when I think I will have that one Beer/bottle of Wine/Vodka. This post is for me if that makes sense, for me to actually admit in public (although a anonymous Internet Forum) that I have to change.
I have had to put up with my mother, sister and brother hounding me about my "drinking" for a while now. Go speak with someone, go see a doctor, I had become a little tired of it. I don't have a drinking problem, you are my problem, I have a drink and you call me an alcoholic.
That have been my life for several years now, I already knew I had a problem but I have always considered an alcoholic to be a dirty phrase, how dare they call me that. I would take it as a personal slight on me and have another drink (evening of drinking) as a screw you to them. Slightly pointless as they would not typically see my major drinking binges.
I have worked out that I have been a alcoholic for approximately 19 years now, all of my adult life. It started with me and friends hitting the pub when we are around 17, we would go out for the night and drink until we dropped. Over the past few years my drinking has progressed to a Olympic level, gone are the days of 6 pints of larger at the weekend; I have a taste for all the finest beverages that the alcohol industry has to offer and I drink almost every day (standard is 2 bottles of Wine, perhaps 3 on a good day), apart from Gin, can't stomach that stuff.
9 days ago I had a major session that resulted in a massive mid-drinking depression where I felt disgusted with myself. This was different from any normal remorse, in that it was mid-session and not the morning after, and slightly odd that I remembered the next day. After pretty much 2 days hard drinking (perhaps 3-4 bottles of 13% Wine per day) I had somehow managed to remember what a total useless fu*c I am when I am pissed (and I am pissed a lot).
I decided that on Sunday, rather than cut into a few cheeky bottles of Cab Sav or a nice Pino, I would use my time more constructively to not get pissed and think about how to move on without drinking, my whole adult life has been consumed by drinking, how will I fill the void, what is "normal"?
The past 8 days have been a strange and educational experience, educational in that it has confirmed my personal belief that I have a problem and proved my mother, sister and brother right. I have looked at the bottle of Wine in the fridge with a strange wanting, the same feeling as when I quit smoking (the first time). Why am I even thinking of having that bottle of wine, then I remember, because you have had wine most nights for the past 15 years after graduating from Beer.
I think that I have worked out how to move on, I have a big goal in mind for me and my family that I can not fulfill if I am drinking, but will need to remember each day that if I have one drink, I will have many others to complete my drinking mantra:
"One drink is a waste of money, you drink to get drunk, that is the point of alcohol".
Think I will go for a walk on the beach this evening, think about day 9, sort of wondering when I will stop counting the days (at least the bloody weird dreams have stopped!).
Sorry for rambling,
Roar
First post here, feels a bit weird. I may ramble, but need to get it down "on paper". Perhaps something I can re-read when I think I will have that one Beer/bottle of Wine/Vodka. This post is for me if that makes sense, for me to actually admit in public (although a anonymous Internet Forum) that I have to change.
I have had to put up with my mother, sister and brother hounding me about my "drinking" for a while now. Go speak with someone, go see a doctor, I had become a little tired of it. I don't have a drinking problem, you are my problem, I have a drink and you call me an alcoholic.
That have been my life for several years now, I already knew I had a problem but I have always considered an alcoholic to be a dirty phrase, how dare they call me that. I would take it as a personal slight on me and have another drink (evening of drinking) as a screw you to them. Slightly pointless as they would not typically see my major drinking binges.
I have worked out that I have been a alcoholic for approximately 19 years now, all of my adult life. It started with me and friends hitting the pub when we are around 17, we would go out for the night and drink until we dropped. Over the past few years my drinking has progressed to a Olympic level, gone are the days of 6 pints of larger at the weekend; I have a taste for all the finest beverages that the alcohol industry has to offer and I drink almost every day (standard is 2 bottles of Wine, perhaps 3 on a good day), apart from Gin, can't stomach that stuff.
9 days ago I had a major session that resulted in a massive mid-drinking depression where I felt disgusted with myself. This was different from any normal remorse, in that it was mid-session and not the morning after, and slightly odd that I remembered the next day. After pretty much 2 days hard drinking (perhaps 3-4 bottles of 13% Wine per day) I had somehow managed to remember what a total useless fu*c I am when I am pissed (and I am pissed a lot).
I decided that on Sunday, rather than cut into a few cheeky bottles of Cab Sav or a nice Pino, I would use my time more constructively to not get pissed and think about how to move on without drinking, my whole adult life has been consumed by drinking, how will I fill the void, what is "normal"?
The past 8 days have been a strange and educational experience, educational in that it has confirmed my personal belief that I have a problem and proved my mother, sister and brother right. I have looked at the bottle of Wine in the fridge with a strange wanting, the same feeling as when I quit smoking (the first time). Why am I even thinking of having that bottle of wine, then I remember, because you have had wine most nights for the past 15 years after graduating from Beer.
I think that I have worked out how to move on, I have a big goal in mind for me and my family that I can not fulfill if I am drinking, but will need to remember each day that if I have one drink, I will have many others to complete my drinking mantra:
"One drink is a waste of money, you drink to get drunk, that is the point of alcohol".
Think I will go for a walk on the beach this evening, think about day 9, sort of wondering when I will stop counting the days (at least the bloody weird dreams have stopped!).
Sorry for rambling,
Roar
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
so many of us can relate. (i can for sure).
those few beer with friends when i was younger, which turned into heavy binge drinking (3-4 bottles of wine a day.. sure, no problem)...
you've made it to 9 days, you are past the worst part, imo. we all eventually stop counting minutes, hours, days of misery and see that there is a better and brighter life out there.
those few beer with friends when i was younger, which turned into heavy binge drinking (3-4 bottles of wine a day.. sure, no problem)...
you've made it to 9 days, you are past the worst part, imo. we all eventually stop counting minutes, hours, days of misery and see that there is a better and brighter life out there.
Sober since March 21, 2013
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 262
Congratulations on 8 SOBER days Roar!
Sounds like you have your head in the right place.
Nothing wrong with counting the days.
I'm at 208 days today. I never want to feel as bad as I did on day 1.
Welcome to SR!
Sounds like you have your head in the right place.
Nothing wrong with counting the days.
I'm at 208 days today. I never want to feel as bad as I did on day 1.
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 98
Roar, thanks for sharing this. I'm on Day 6, and when I first posted here, I tallied up the years I had been drinking. I remember the moment I realized once I started, I couldn't stop. That was 17 years ago. 17 years!!! Goodness.
Move forward, and look ahead at what you want your life to be.
Move forward, and look ahead at what you want your life to be.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
Well done the hard work you are doing now will pay dividends and you will soon forget about the bottle of wine in fridge. Your mind and body are just beginning to get used to the idea of sobriety . Give sobriety a chance to work and prove to everyone that you can do this. Good luck
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