Originally Posted by MidnightBlue

So, I finally gathered my thoughts for the post)

Thank you again, my SR friends! I just have not enough "thank you" for you.

It's really beyond the words how happy I am today and how grateful I am to you all! And it's not by any means exaggeration!

I don't remember, I honestly just don't remember when last time I felt so full of joy, and gratitude and happiness.

And it was almost next to impossible to imagine one a year ago. When I was desperately crying in front of my laptop. Alone. Lost. Looking for help. Understanding. And I found SR.

I can tell you that this sober year was worth every effort, every "bitten bullet", every sleepless night I spent (I had been fighting insomnia for about 4-5 months), every rainfall of tears , every "why me" I asked.

What petrified me most when I just quit,, was how in the world I am gonna deal with my past wounds and deep routed unresolved issues from my childhood that burnt out my soul and messed up with my life.

I had not choice but to believe others here, who are wiser and have way too more sobriety under the belt. I remember Dee (get well soon!!!) told me I would be ok, because ... I just would be) And I believed him. And that turned out to be true, after all.

With every step I gained more strength, and then started to deal with problems when I was emotionally ready to deal with them. Even when at some moment I still feel there's no light ahead, new day comes and brings it.

And just about 3 weeks ago I got to resolving to the major disturbing issue for me. And I am not afraid any more. I am not hiding behind the bottle and in my "helplessness". I am not afraid to fight any more.

Dear Grace kindly mentioned my new hobbies - I started both writing poems and doing boxing during this sober year. Never done it before.

And I got to love meditation. It helps me to reconnect with my authentic self and rediscover my feelings that were ruthlessly shut down and neglected for a very long time.

What would I do differently about my early sobriety, if looking back at the start?

I wouldn't try to fix everything at a time. Because when I started to feel all this energy and clarity of mind coming back, I was so excited and wanted to move mountains every day. Preferably three times a day an on the regular basis. Well, it's a great feeling, but it would have been better to eat an elephant piece by piece, instead of inventing a method to swallow the whole elephant and beat myself up every time I fail do to it.)

I can just imagine my guardian angel and guiding star scratching their heads, dazed and confused, and complaining to each other:

"Lordy, lordy, lordy. What I stubborn and impatient girl we have to take care of". She keeps giving us hard times all the way".

I think the first year - its about laying solid foundation for recovery and sober life. The better foundation is built - the more "misfortunes-proof" the house will be. It's kind of hard to lay foundation and install windows, do painting and decoration at the same time.

I remember when I just joined SR and saw posts from folks who had 2,3,6 or even, OMG, 12 months of sobriety, I thought: "They must be from Mars or so. And just pretend to be human. No way I won't miss a glass of wine again". But one day at a time, and I landed somewhere at the same place.

My life is far, far from "perfection". I still have a lot of "life-stuff" to fix. But...It's life.

And I just can't thank enough SR and all the members here. Your support is fantastic. SR is pure evidence of the magic that can be worked by kindness, understanding and genuine care for each other. I've "met" here so many great people, that I feel like I have a big soul-family around the globe!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

My best wishes to all SR mates on the sobriety journey!



Forever sober, forever yours.

Midnight.