And the glow is gone - Rambling
 

I was fired from my job last night. I worked 3rd shift at a ****** pizza place. They just pulled me into the office and said I wasn't "doing well enough" in the kitchen. Which is crap - I've only been there 4 days and I have done everything they asked and did it above and beyond.

A coworker even messaged me saying she went off on the managers for treating me like that.

Anyway - long story short: I succumbed. I bought a bottle of cheap vodka. I drank it all. I walked around my neighborhood for hours listening to music and drinking.

I ended up on the steps of a church when I was calling the suicide hotline.

A woman named Grace yanked me into the church, and gave me water, talked with me, and sat with me through the service.

I am not a religious person, but I can't help but think that God put me there on the steps for a reason.

They fed me, and the pastor (a young man) even took me into a separate room and prayed with me. I haven't prayed since I was a young kid. It felt so good to be around people that I felt I could trust. I told them I got fired, I told them that I bought a bottle and drank it. And they didn't care. They held my hand and asked the Lord to help me and forgive me.

And at the end, they held me, comforted me: The pastor even gave me some money to help me out. I was floored - I couldn't even begin to tell you how humbled I felt.

And when they asked me what I wanted to pray for, the first thing that came to mind: My grandmother. Not me, not for anything.... but my beautiful grandmother, who raised me and my brothers, and is still only doing selfless acts to try and help her grandkids.

I'm sorry about the rambling. It's been a horrible night. I was so positive, and then I succumbed and drank and now I feel like all the progress I made has disappeared.

They invited me to go apple picking and to go look at pumpkins this Thursday. I'm going to go. I may not be religious, but the sense of community and fellowship really meant a lot to me.

:react

So you had a slip. Someone posted this quote on a thread that I read recently: "Nothing happened or will happen today that a drink will improve"

I appreciate your honesty about what you are going through, and I'm sorry you are hurting. ((Hug))

You mentioned appreciating the aspect of community/fellowship and acknowledging that a higher power brought you to the steps of that church. Have you considered trying an AA meeting?

I'm not religious. I never thought AA could help. I believe in God, but there is something strange about saying you're powerless and only a "higher power" can help you. I dunno. Maybe I should just do it.

That is a great and moving story J-S. I understand why you picked up, especially in early sobriety - many of us might have done the same. However, I believe you have been the recipient of the grace of God through the acts of that woman (aptly named) and the pastor of the church. I'm not very religious but that was very powerful. I am very attuned to acts of grace and they have helped me immensely in my life. Please don't squander it. I hope that this helps you to turn your life around. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Rather than focus on how AA DOESN'T relate to you, maybe try to see how it DOES?

At times, listening to peoples feelings about alcohol and addiction in meetings, I feel like I have more in common with strangers in AA than a lot of my close friends who aren't addicts.

There's no harm in trying a meeting. You don't have to say a word if you don't want to and, worst case scenario, you can always leave!

:)

I stopped smoking dope and drinking for good the day my business lost its most valuable account.

That was 419 days ago.
I don't know how much I've made but I have since banked $86,000.

"10% of life is what happens to you. The other 90% is how you respond."
-Lou Holtz

Be Encouraged! :)

**** it, Jade. You may have lost a job and got drunk (I reckon most of us here have done that), but it sounds like you gained a lot more in return.

I'm hearing lots of positivity coming through here. :)

I don't do AA anymore but it helped me tremendously in my first three months of sobriety. I moved on not disappointed in AA or my dear home group buddies. I just didn't need them to stay sober any more.

But I am always amazed at how people have such odd and inaccurate views of AA from second hand info who have never been to a few meetings to see if they are what they need, short, medium, or long term.

Funny but here, when folks with preconceived notions of AA finally do go out of desperation, they come back surprised that the folks were just like them. None of the cult like attributes I read about existed in any AA meeting I attended.

I detest organized religions by and large for me, but am no atheist. My relationship with the man upstairs is private. But I prayed for one of the few times for help. I am usually saying quick gratitude prayers most of my life, even while drinking at the wonders and beauty of life on this rock. Not asking for help. But this time I finally did, and like you a place I qualified for inpatient detox and rehab just popped up.

Trust me, there is nothing strange about being powerless over alcohol and needing help because of that. You are here, right? If you weren't powerless you would not be an alcoholic right?

I only had a slight uneasy feeling holding hands at the end and saying the lord's prayer. Like I said, my relationship is private. Not radical right or left, just private.

I survived AA. No cannibals appeared to eat me, no abductors came and whisked me away for cult indoctrination. I did not have to wear robes or live at a commune. No one sexually harassed me (Darn it!)

I joined AA and just being able to talk without covering up exactly what I was and had done with others that accepted me for what I will be, not what I had been, was simply amazing.

Lots of folks use just here or all of the many options online too, in addition to AA and reading SMART online.

I did all that because I was done with shaking and having to drink to stop it every morning every day, and just needed some help to find my way to recovered and sanity.

i'm not a christian, i do believe in 'god' (higher power)

this sounds like a signal/gift from 'above' ...seize it

Start again today Jade,stay away from the first drink.

No such thing as a slip,you took a drink.If you are an Alcoholic drinking is not an option.

Please give AA a try,go to meetings,sit and listen,you may decide it is what you need to stay sober.

I wish you well.

What a gift- Jade. I agree- seize the joy and fellowship with these people. We have all slipped- or had that "crutch" when it all; just seemed too much- what then happened to you doesn't happen to many of us- Start day 1 with this family at SR and your new friends/family at that church. HOPING THE best for you!

If you're serious I'd try pretty much any positive approach until I found it didn't work. Then I'd try the next positive approach.

Jade, your post made me cry.

I imagined how it would feel, feeling like s)$& and being angry, then upset about being fired. I'm so very sad you had a rough night.

Hopefully, some positive will come out of it with the people you connected with at the church.

I don't know you, but I'm glad you didn't kill yourself. There's a better life for you. May you look back at that day as a turning point in your life. Be well.

Xx

Hi, Your post has really moved me today. . .

I also think that you were "led" to these steps for a reason hon. . . be it a Higher Power or just the kindness of humananity - I am glad that you didn't do anything stupid and that you were comforted when you needed it most. That is crap about your job! They will miss you more than you will miss them. When you feel able, get back out there and find another job. . . one where you will be treated as a human being!!

As for the relapse, it's done. Move on and look forward to a new day. Plus, it sounds as though you have met some lovely people through this awful experience. . . it is not all bad. :-) xxx

There was a point in my drinking where I was beat. I was completely and utterly alone. Everything that I tried failed again and again. Out of total desperation I tried AA. I found I was surrounded with happy healthy people who said they were sober. After the meeting was over I was amazed but I felt a little bit better so I tried another meeting.

I believe that God came into my life I also believe that God came into yours. God will do for you what you could do for yourself. He pointed you in the right direction now it's time for you to do the work of getting sober. Check out AA get involved in your new found church and let your higher power show you the way

I say do whatever works and be with people who understand.......go pick apples with these nice folks:)

What a great story of human compassion and caring. It should be a lesson to all of us that, no matter how hopeless things seem, our lives are valuable; and that there are people out there that care about us - even if they haven't even met us yet.

A questions asked long ago"am I my brother's keeper?".
A resounding YES!!! is the answer to that.

I am so glad you're going to pick some apples with them. Perhaps your life is about to be rebooted and things will change for the better.

Jade, I am so relieved to hear from you!! I was starting to worry about you. I was definitely missing your posts. You have always been such a positive, kind influence on this forum. You will lick this alcohol demon - you've got natural and supernatural forces pulling for you!!!

You are a strong person Jade, do not give up.

I do not know AA, several of the AA persons here seem to be reasonable persons.

Even your slip became a positive story – a fine story thanks.