does the guilt and self loathing go away?
 

I asked this on my other thread, but thought I'd make it a new post because I want more answers. Even if I succeed in quitting, do the feelings of guilt go away or will I always cringe at my past? I hate the mother i've been the past year or so. I hate that I come home looking forward more to when I can get that bottle open than to playing with my kids. I hate that I spend so much time just THINKING about alcohol or, gasp, the absence of it.

Will I be able to forgive myself?

amandaw thanks for asking such an important question and I will be checking back on this thread to read with other with more sobriety than I have said.

Will I always cringe at the past? Probably.
Do the feelings of guilt go away if I succeed in quitting? YES, YES, YES

For me the biggest benefit of quitting was waking up in the morning without feeling self-loathing and self-reproach. It's the most addictive part of being sober.

Imagine yourself waking, knowing you had spent quality, nurturing time with your children the previous day. It may not kill all guilt about the past but it goes a hell of a long way.

For me they finally did amandaw - mainly because I was given great advice here. I was so filled with guilt and remorse that it was almost threatening my sobriety. I was advised to give myself a break - to be kind & patient with myself. I had worked so hard to get sober, but I was sabotaging myself with regret. I needed to focus on the great future I had ahead of me. If I stayed with one foot in the past I'd never heal and move forward.

It took awhile, but I finally got tired of reliving the past. I knew that drunken fool wasn't the real me. She was gone and never coming back. I let myself come alive again and grow into the person I was meant to be. You'll go through many phases as you mend - and yes, you will be able to forgive yourself. :hug:

I think it depends on the kind of work you do on yourself. We can quit alcohol but we also need to do a lot of self-discovery and healing. Some people do threapy, some people attend groups, some people go to rehab, and so on. In my experience I have had to work for it, but yes, I actually like myself now and I don't feel as ashamed about my past.

I fear that feeling as well, with my actions and. my little boy and girl. Thank u for ur post and know u r not alone... i slipped last night and start another better day one, one day at a time, the guild and pain need to serve me better as prompts to stay sober rather then vechicles that lead me back to the wrong destination

Speaking from my own personal experience only, the guilt, shame and self loathing went away when I did the 12 steps of AA. I don't know if youre in AA or not though.

Nevertheless, I think those feeling should fade the more sober time you get and the more you begin to live as the person you want to be, alcohol free. You can't change the past, but you should be able to look at yourself proudly in the mirror each day you are sober, knowing that you are now doing your best for yourself and your children.

I have three years and that part of chibears post makes it plain how I hung in there easily as the horrors I put myself through were stronger deterrents than any cravings were attractants for me. But that doesn't answer the question.

Guilt and pain from past deeds do recede with two things. Time, and self respect. The self respect comes with beating the cravings and behaving like an adult, not running away from our problems by trying to be a party animal. I was drinking for physical pain as well as dulling the guilt and shame from drinking away the pain guilt and shame!

How dumb was that? I drank to forget what I did the last time I drank to forget what I did the time before that to drink and forget the time before that and on and on ad nauseum.

Only us alcoholics could possibly justify our relapsing daily by bemoaning our behaviors while drinking. Realizing this early in my sobriety I realized that:

"Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>"

I was drinking away the results of my last night drinking, which was last night!

You are inherently decent. Get to know that about yourself again, let your imperfections be your individualism, let your freak flag fly. Feel like a freak sober? Gather other freaks to your life.

I am not losing my mind, alcohol already took it away. I am just picking up the pieces and trying to put them back together again. Some of the pieces are missing. So I get to make new ones that fit in the whole.

Oh, yes. Everything looks better to me now. Don't forget: alcohol is a powerful depressant. Combine that with the embarrassing behavior, and the fear and despair that come with any addiction, and you have a perfect storm for self-loathing. But all those things get fixed just by stopping. I was feeling more hopeful in just a few weeks. I still had a lot more to do, finding new and better ways to manage stress, new and better ways to have fun, new and better ways to basically live. But one of the cool things about recovery is that from Day 1, you have a reason to be proud of yourself. :)

Yes,the bad feelings do ease. Over time you will learn to forgive yourself. I wake in the mornings with peace of mind. I have no shame over what I did or said the night before.That,for me, is the greatest benefit of sobriety (amongst many others:) )

I've also learnt about the importance of 'now'. When drinking I was worried about thepast, anxious about the future and thinking about my next drink. I've learned to appreciate today and enjoy life now. This can be you

Amanda they go away 99% at least for me just past 6 months. That 1% that's left keeps me from going back. In the last week I have told several people I don't drink. It was as easy to say as I'm a righty because I carried NO SHAME!!!!