courage2

PS I'd recommend flat-out avoiding social functions that make you want to drink for the first few months at least. The end of the work day is always hard -- try hitting your daily meeting then, if you're doing AA, and/or calling someone in the program at that hour. That and an ice-cream will help quiet the cravings.

wakko

I know with absolute certainty that anything I put ahead of my sobriety I wil lose. My children, my spouse, my job, my freedom, my life will all be lost if I do not maintain my sobriety.

ReadyAndAble

Amanda, I think it's great you posted about this! You got some great advice already. I know it feels impossible right now. It did for me too. But trust me, there aren't as many obstacles as you think. Your addiction will throw up all kinds of excuses, twist things around so your family becomes a reason to put off AA or any other concrete commitment to sobriety. Your family—see how backwards that is? After you, they stand to benefit the most from your recovery. It's going to be the biggest gift you'll ever give them.

I know where you're coming from, believe me. Your comment about long days and social functions totally struck home; I thought the same thing. I imagined life being so stressful, so tedious without a few drinks waiting for me at the end of the day. But I was still in the bubble of addiction, where up looks like down. Life is sooooooo much easier and more enjoyable without booze. Drinking—that endless cycle of obsession and regret—was so exhausting by comparison! Life doesn't get harder when you quit, it gets easier. Think about it: have you ever heard one person who quit say they regretted it? Don't listen to your addiction; listen to the folks here. You absolutely positively can do this!

amandaw

I am do grateful to all of you. I know how backward my thinking is. I know it. I just want the guilt and feelings of doom to end. I've basically been in bed all day. I've missed out on so much at home. I feel like the worst mom in earth. I feel so self absorbed and selfish. I feel like even if I succeed in quitting those feelings will continue and I'll always feel like I hurt my family and emotionally messed up mY kids. The amount of loathing I have for myself is immense. Does it go away? Will I ever forgive myself and be able to move on?

Melina

I'm struggling a lot myself, Amanda, but I wanted to commend you for being honest. You're admitting your sticky spots but not playing the victim, either. You want a real solution to this. I feel like you are more than halfway there, with all the knowledge and common sense and hopes for a peaceful, healthy future right inside of you already!

If I had to say, it's not truly a babysitter-type you desire or need to get sober. It's trusting yourself to follow through on what you already know and want for your life.

I think it's called giving yourself permission to be sober.

I hope this helps. Again, I can barely string two days together so what do I know, but I just got the sense from you that you are within grabbing distance of that sobriety life rope.

If you grab on, please post about it so some of us learn how to not drown as well.

Best,
Melina

courage2

Amanda, I got to where I couldn't tell if clinical depression was making me suicidal, or alcohol was making me suicidal. But I knew that I had to quit drinking to find out if the depression was real. So I quit drinking. Hasn't been all fun 'n' games by any means, but the incredible sense of despair was lifted within the first week.

Get the booze out of your system, and thoroughly! Then look around and see the world you've been missing. I predict you'll move on and up to things you never dreamed of!

soberhawk

You have to forgive yourself and move on, you can not keep on like this Amanda.

You can because it is your only option – it is the only think that will fix this.

You know that alcohol is not giving you anything good – you will feel a lot better when you get rid of it.

Take care Amanda, I am sure you can do it.

Br00ksie

AA is my babysitter!

((Hugs))

afloatsober

Its our responsibility to stop and stay stopped when we are finally ready to.
Guess its about growing up and not running anymore when we get sober.
Babysitters are for babies i think.
Seems to me that in order to stay well i'm going to have to accept help and face those things that i ran from for so many years.....
Help to help myself.
That is what i have finally accepted that i need.
Be safe.
G

ReadyAtLast

The bad feelings will ease and end over time when you get sober.The bad memories will get further away. You will show your children you care for them by getting sober.If you were pregnant a year ago you must have a very young child. You cannot properly care for a baby if you're drinking every day.Yourchildren need and deserve a sober mum and you deserve it too.

If you don't quit nothing will change,the feelings will just get worse and you stand to lose everything. Nothing changes if nothing changes,as they say.

If you can't do this yourself can you look at rehab? What does your husband think,is he aware of the extent of your problem and supportive in you getting sober?

FeelingGreat

amandaw, you've developed a habit of rushing to the bottle as soon as you get home. It's part of the ritual of relaxing after work and it's a huge trap. Try to break up your routine by grabbing a juice or a favourite non-alcoholic drink on the way home, or if you have a sweet tooth, something sweet. The trick is not to arrive home hungry, thirsty or stressed. Ask your husband nicely to please get rid of al. drinks, and promise him you won't get angry this time.
I made a ritual of sitting in my usual chair but with a cup of tea (substitute anything you like), and that became my way of relaxing.
I have lots of hints for avoiding the usual routines that trigger cravings, but I think you could put yourself to work to think up your own list that suits you.

doggonecarl

You are more than the choices you've made, so of course you will move past the things you did while you drank. Sobriety will give you the perspective to do that. But clinging to the shame and guilt, that's just giving yourself a reason to drink...which is how you got where you are. See how crazy the logic of alcohol is?

It all clears up once you quit. Good luck.