New and scared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Whittier
Posts: 2
New and scared
Hi,
So I have been struggling for a few years with drinking. I am in school right now and was working but had to quit because my job was interfering with school. When actually its my drinking that is interfering with everything. I just noticed a month or so ago that I am a little shaky in the hands in the morning and throughout the day until I drink again. I think in the last year I have maybe not had anything to drink for maybe 2 or three days out of this year. Pathetic. My husband is also an alcoholic and has been for 20 years. He has been in and out of rehab which kept him sober for a short time but went back to drinking and taking pills. It is so stinking hard to be around him and not drink. He drinks everyday and we have talked about quitting together...but its always tomorrow...we will stop drinking tomorrow..well tomorrow has never come. I have been contemplating going to rehab but I don't want to quit school. I earn my degree next November and really don't want to put off school. Ugh! And then there is AA I plan on going but then it never happens..I wake up in the morning with the best intentions of not drinking then by 1 or 2 in the afternoon my thinking changes especially when I get home from school and see my husband drinking. Part of me wants to go to rehab so i can be in an environment where there is no drinking. I drank yesterday but woke up today telling myself I wont drink. There is a meeting tonight that I know I need to go to. Sorry for the venting but I needed to get this out. Any thoughts would be appreciated!
So I have been struggling for a few years with drinking. I am in school right now and was working but had to quit because my job was interfering with school. When actually its my drinking that is interfering with everything. I just noticed a month or so ago that I am a little shaky in the hands in the morning and throughout the day until I drink again. I think in the last year I have maybe not had anything to drink for maybe 2 or three days out of this year. Pathetic. My husband is also an alcoholic and has been for 20 years. He has been in and out of rehab which kept him sober for a short time but went back to drinking and taking pills. It is so stinking hard to be around him and not drink. He drinks everyday and we have talked about quitting together...but its always tomorrow...we will stop drinking tomorrow..well tomorrow has never come. I have been contemplating going to rehab but I don't want to quit school. I earn my degree next November and really don't want to put off school. Ugh! And then there is AA I plan on going but then it never happens..I wake up in the morning with the best intentions of not drinking then by 1 or 2 in the afternoon my thinking changes especially when I get home from school and see my husband drinking. Part of me wants to go to rehab so i can be in an environment where there is no drinking. I drank yesterday but woke up today telling myself I wont drink. There is a meeting tonight that I know I need to go to. Sorry for the venting but I needed to get this out. Any thoughts would be appreciated!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Please don't apologise. What else is this forum for!? The pattern you describe - waking with the best of intentions and then those intentions evaporating by the afternoon where what kept me on the alcohol madness roundabout literally for years and years. It is a tough one to break because by the afternoon the worst of any hangover is usually over and the addictive desire for more alcohol is rearing its head.
The plain simple fact is that quitting isn't going to happen until you make it happen one way or another. Waiting for your husband, especially if he is ambivalent or not committed to the idea will just complicate matters further. We can really only be responsible for our own actions regarding getting sober when push comes to shove.
You mention an intention to go to AA. Why not take that fist step and go? If you are not quite ready to quit you don't actually have to in order to attend a meeting, though I would not recommend turning up drunk!
But a meeting will get you engaged and looking in the right direction. Then it will be up to you!
There's lots of support here too of course! All the very best of luck.
The plain simple fact is that quitting isn't going to happen until you make it happen one way or another. Waiting for your husband, especially if he is ambivalent or not committed to the idea will just complicate matters further. We can really only be responsible for our own actions regarding getting sober when push comes to shove.
You mention an intention to go to AA. Why not take that fist step and go? If you are not quite ready to quit you don't actually have to in order to attend a meeting, though I would not recommend turning up drunk!
But a meeting will get you engaged and looking in the right direction. Then it will be up to you!
There's lots of support here too of course! All the very best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Hi and welcome! Yes, I understand the morning resolution, the midday mental bargaining and the cocktail hour siren song. I did go to rehab for 30 days, if you can do it, I would recommend it. It breaks the cadence, or more precisely, got me off the hamster wheel. Part of the reason alcoholism is so brutal is because of the "I'll do it tomorrow". I doubt there is anyone here who would say they realized they had a problem with booze on a Monday and sought help on Tuesday. So I totally get where you are at.
It's really tough to quit with an active alkie in the house. I don't know if I would still be sober. But, that is not saying it can't be done. I do think using every tool at your disposal will help. The first step really is the hardest. This forum has been huge for me over the last few months. I hope it helps you begin your journey!
It's really tough to quit with an active alkie in the house. I don't know if I would still be sober. But, that is not saying it can't be done. I do think using every tool at your disposal will help. The first step really is the hardest. This forum has been huge for me over the last few months. I hope it helps you begin your journey!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
to SR! The first step is in not drinking today. Just don't drink today. Get thru it sober one day at a time. We can only live one day at a time so why not stay sober that way too.
I'm glad you found us and joined the family.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Welcome MLG, you have made a good choice in reaching out here. There is tons of support on SR. Taking it one day at a time and keeping as busy as possible helped me a lot. Going to a meeting sounds like a good plan too. Glad you have joined us.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Pleased to meet you MLG.
I'm so glad you came here for support & encouragement. I felt so much better when I joined SR - I wasn't alone anymore. Drinking was interfering with everything in my life too. It took me so long to realize it wasn't doing anything but complicating my life & bringing me misery. In the end, it never made me high or happy anymore. It's great that you've come to this conclusion and are going to get free of it.
I'm so glad you came here for support & encouragement. I felt so much better when I joined SR - I wasn't alone anymore. Drinking was interfering with everything in my life too. It took me so long to realize it wasn't doing anything but complicating my life & bringing me misery. In the end, it never made me high or happy anymore. It's great that you've come to this conclusion and are going to get free of it.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Your post reminded me that I used to tell myself "if I make to lunchtime I will be OK". So many false starts, and failures- trapped in a cycle of torment and increasing despair.
The fear of sobriety is a product of the addiction. I only learnt that in retrospect. The first week is rough but it is worth it. I hope you can find the courage you need
The fear of sobriety is a product of the addiction. I only learnt that in retrospect. The first week is rough but it is worth it. I hope you can find the courage you need
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