WantToDoThis

This Forum has really helped me ground myself now that I'm trying to stay sober again. However, I think our experience with alcohol, alcoholism and recovery depends partly on our age. When I was younger, I drank tons on weekends, stayed out late and recovered quickly. As I grew older, I became a private drinker, drank steadily, and recovered slowly. I never thought about not drinking when I was younger. Now that I'm 56, my life probably depends on it.

So, I'd like to open this Thread for those of us who are past 50 and trying to stay sober. Next Monday, I will reach my first month of sobriety; my third effort in the last three years.

Some of my thoughts about quitting after 50:

1. My Habit: As a responsible adult, I drank responsibly, mainly at home and every night. I could easily drink 400ml of anything 80P or more. It mellowed me, gave me a buzz, kept me insulated from the outside world. Sometimes, I even tried to tell myself I wasn't an alcoholic; after all, I functioned well almost everyday.

2. My Health: A couple of years ago, I began to have high blood pressure and my doc gave me a prescription which conveniently brought it down so I could keep on drinking, but I could see that alcohol was affecting my health. Every time I saw my doctor, he would ask me about my drinking and would tell me that if I didn't quit, I would have a short life. He said that we perceive our lives as a gradual sloping line that finally results in death. But, in reality, he said, it's not like that. The line slopes gradually, and then it drops sharply: Death is usually a big surprise brought on by lots of little problems that could be prevented. My slope was tilting downward faster than before. I substituted alcohol for healthy calories. I gained 20 lbs; then 25 more. I had to buy all new clothes. I stopped exercising.

3. My Personal Life: My kids are grown up and doing well. My ex and I weren't doing so well, so we split 6 years ago. We still have a good relationship, but we were like roommates. Maybe it is the modern life story: You live longer, if you're lucky, you make enough money to start life over. So, I did. I fell in love with a wonderful woman and got married at the ripe old age of 55. Sex is great, but we're not teenagers! Usually not And, when I was drinking, there was no sex. So, I had to plan it out. When will I be sober and not hung over so we can have sex? Not very romantic. Of course, my wife didn't want to see me drinking myself to death, so she would occasionally encourage me to stop, but she didn't nag me. She's an angel.

4. My Work: I've had a moderately successful career, but I need to keep working to have a decent retirement. Plus, working is healthy--it keeps me socially active and keeps me mentally alert. However, after 30+ years, I've had enough stress, so I try to work more on my own terms. I'm not as ambitious as I was at first. So, when I drank every night, I didn't want to start work early. I wanted to be sure I didn't smell like booze when I went to work. I didn't want to go for a night out with the team and get wasted. But, it affected my work. After a little too much medication some nights, I had no energy or focus the next day. I'm sure my colleagues suspected something, although they were polite enough never to say anything.

Questions.

A. For those of us past 50 and trying to quit, the clock is ticking. I don't have much room for error health-wise, work-wise, life-wise. I've stopped for 6 weeks a couple times before, but I think I need to stop for good. How can I convince myself that I need to stop for good?

B. I'm not religious and I don't want to do AA; I'm an expat in a country that offers no obvious support networks. Besides virtual forums like this, what else can I do to help build a support system? Or even a new life that doesn't revolve around alcohol?

C. What have others experienced when quitting after 50? How did you deal with health issues? What happened after you quit?

D. Relapse. Does staying sober get any easier as you get past 50? I like to drink when I've had a good day; when I'm in a good mood. Last night my alcohol voice was loud. Any secrets for killing the desire?

E. Does exercise help staying sober? If so, what have others experienced and done?

Finally, the floor is open. I'd like to see a good conversation about quitting when you're past 50. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Thanks everyone!

Bruce292

Questions.

A. For those of us past 50 and trying to quit, the clock is ticking. I don't have much room for error health-wise, work-wise, life-wise. I've stopped for 6 weeks a couple times before, but I think I need to stop for good. How can I convince myself that I need to stop for good?

The clock is ticking for everyone. Life is short. I too quit in short bursts for a while. I finally got some help from my doctor after some *bad* blood work that was a result of my drinking.

B. I'm not religious and I don't want to do AA; I'm an expat in a country that offers no obvious support networks. Besides virtual forums like this, what else can I do to help build a support system? Or even a new life that doesn't revolve around alcohol?

I didn't use AA but there are many others who have successfully. From what I understand being religions isn't a requirement. I wouldn't discount it. My "new life" really consisted of picking up the hobbies and activities I had before I went off the deep end. I also put time into friendships instead of letting them linger while I hid myself away.

C. What have others experienced when quitting after 50? How did you deal with health issues? What happened after you quit?

My health is MUCH better since I stopped drinking/using. My BP is down, my blood work is normal, I have energy, and the mental fog and depression is slowly lifting. Life returned basically. I had ignored it for many years while I hid in my own head.

D. Relapse. Does staying sober get any easier as you get past 50? I like to drink when I've had a good day; when I'm in a good mood. Last night my alcohol voice was loud. Any secrets for killing the desire?

I don't know if it gets easier. I finally quit and I'm in my early 50s. Let me clarify. I'm an alcoholic and a drug user who is currently sober. I'm going to work with all my energy to keep it that way.

E. Does exercise help staying sober? If so, what have others experienced and done?

YES!!! I can't stress enough. For anyone at any age, if you're able, get out and get moving!

Finally, the floor is open. I'd like to see a good conversation about quitting when you're past 50. The good, the bad and the ugly.

I didn't start drinking/using until my kids left home. I started going out and acting irresponsible because I had fewer responsibilities. It wore me down though. For every high you've got to pay it back with a corresponding low. I think this is especially true as we get older. Over time depression and anxiety slowly worked into me until I was in a hopeless state. To relieve that feeling I drank/used more. After a decade of that I found SR, got some help, and have six months of sobriety. Life is returning.

Pete55

I got sober at 50. Never done prison, D.U.I. or rehabs etc.
But I progressively lost all family and friend connections due to what happens when I take a drink.
I was a blackout drinker from the time I left school when I drank. It was never enough, always wanted more alcohol.
Re-building those relationships is ever so slow, especially my own family.
Some bridges may never be re-built and that's OK now, I've accepted it
Have a new way of living to learn each day being sober.
The compelling thought of a drink is simply not on the radar.

HeadLump

Hi, I gave up drinking when I was 52. It was following an incident when I either tripped or fainted, hit my head on the corner of the bath and was knocked out. If I had hit the front instead of the back of my head, who knows what the outcome could have been? I'd been drinking more and more - once I started I couldn't stop - and it was getting worse. I felt hugely embarrassed at A&E explaining what had happened and I realised just how undignified it was, especially for a woman of my age.

I think in many ways it's easier to give up when you're older. There's very little peer pressure to drink and mortality looms larger than it does in your twenties. Your body's far less forgiving, too, so the ravages of booze soon start sprouting on your nose and cheeks and under your eyes! And hangovers last longer and dehydration seems to go deeper. How lovely

My family has been brilliant and very supportive. I think they are extremely relieved!

I met my husband - the love of my life by a million miles - at the grand old age of 47, so we're still pretty much at the honeymoon stage! He has been superb and we've grown even closer since I stopped drinking. I think he had resigned himself to being widowed early on, he seems much happier to talk about a future now.

Healthwise, I think I've been lucky. I have a pretty serious chest condition (bronchiectasis) but it's well under control. I do a lot of walking and some cycling and I'm sure that helps.

My self esteem has soared in the last 8 months and H says that I am much more alive and seem calmer. My skin is much softer so it's nice to touch, but it's still 50-year-old skin and I have punished it over the years and that does still show, especially (I think) on my face

All in all, though, sobriety is wonderful and my only regret is that I didn't do it 20 years earlier

sillysuzanfree

This a great thread as I have trouble relating to those who get sober at a young age...

When I was in my 20s and 30s life was great for the most part. I drank a lot in my 30s (both a private and social drinker) but was completely getting away with it and functioning. In my 40s, everything fell apart one thing after another. At first I blamed it on life changes, getting older and anxiety until it got to point where I couldn't get anything done anymore and my head was about to explode.

At 48 I finally got sober. I am 50 now...I think for me it is sometimes harder to imagine never drinking again because I got away with drinking for so long and as an older person I am more set in my ways...still I play the tape all the way through every time drinking sounds good and then I go through the laundry list of all the bad things that happened as well as things I could not do in those last years of drinking...It's a long list!

For me it just has to be one day at a time...

least

I quit drinking when I was 57. It took me almost two years to finally quit but it was worth it. My life is much better now, more manageable.

Once I decided beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink I didn't relapse. (I did a lot before that time tho)

Ornithology

I stopped drinking one week prior to my 55th birthday after 34 years of daily drinking. Monday will be 7 weeks without alcohol.
My blood pressure has dropped from 160/120 to 100/ 85 in those 7 weeks and I have lost 21 pounds. I get up early every morning and run.
I am reintroducing myself to my wife and daughter, as the the last time I was sober I was a college student.
I am an atheist and decided AA was not going to be helpful after reading the Big Book. I have relied on this website and have found the Sober Recovery Handbook to be very helpful for maintaining motivation, coping with urges, and building a balanced life.
In many ways, I feel like my life is just beginning all over again.

lommey

Hi I haven't had a drink in 40 days Im going to be 52 next month. Ive been drinking since I was 11 gave up twice 27 years and 29 years ago for 9 months . Had breast cancer 7 years ago my doctor asked me how much I drank .I said 3 bottles of wine he looked disgusted and said that's a lot in a week .I didn't have the heart to tell him that was 3 bottles a day. Came home each night after chemo and yes had wine , not as much, 1 bottle. No idea why now I want to stop but made decision at end of august. Told husband of 13 years ,who dosent drink, and he has now decided we need to split up. WOW That came as a shock thought hed have been pleased. House now for sale but still not drinking going to as many aa meetings as I can ,Great support.

BikerAcct

I stopped drinking at 52. I find I agree with Headlump; there is much less pressure to drink at this age, than when I was younger. So perhaps it's just a bit, a minor, teensy weensy bit, easier to quit.

I feel so much better EVERY DAY, than my best day when I was drinking. I didn't fully realize that until just recently. Just how totally pleasant it is to go to bed and fall soundly asleep sober, and to wake up to a fresh day, clear headed, and able to get on with it.

Cascabel

I quit drinking when I was 43 because I was concerned about my drinking behavior. I stayed dry for over 30 years and then started again when my wife contracted pulmonary fibrosis and was placed on the waiting list for a double lung transplant. Having a glass of wine together in the afternoon was a pleasant, shared time in those stressful months of waiting.

Well, the transplant came along and my wife recovered extraordinarily well; she is three years post transplant now. But, I found that my old drinking patterns were back. So now, at 75 years old, I am again struggling again to become sober. It is more difficult this time around: not so much to quit, but to quit and make it stick. I have had interludes of sobriety over the past three years: one of six months and another of four months. But then, for some reason, I started again.

I think the biggest obstacle is the thinking: "Hell, I'm 75, how many years do I have left? I might as well enjoy them with an occasional drink". Unfortunately, "an occasional drink" has become nearly a bottle of wine a night; every night!

I flirted briefly with AA for support in quitting but was not comfortable with the "Higher Power" stuff, the concept of alcoholism as a disease, and several of the 12 steps. I am exploring Lifering as an alternative now; it feels more comfortable to me.

I quit drinking again last month: I decided I didn't want to spend my final years in an alcoholic fog. This web site seems to provide me with the level and type of support I feel that I need. So far, I seem to be doing OK: time will tell.

I am glad that I quit the first time; I have had thirty-plus great years of adventure and achievement. And, I am glad that I have quit again. I don't know how many years I have remaining but, however many I may have, I don't want to spend them drunk.

Mentium

Questions.

A. How can I convince myself that I need to stop for good?

I think you have answered this question. If you are happier drinking than not and don't mind a shorter life then by all means drink. Of course stopping is no guarantee either! I guess it is a question of how you feel. I was going bonkers personally, which was the main reason I quit. I am 62 by the way.


B. I'm not religious and I don't want to do AA; I'm an expat in a country that offers no obvious support networks. Besides virtual forums like this, what else can I do to help build a support system? Or even a new life that doesn't revolve around alcohol?

I'm not religious either, in fact I'm an atheist but I do go to AA. I find it compatible with a few adjustments. There is quite a lot on the forum about doing the Steps as an agnostic or non-believer. It can be done. I find it very valuable.

C. What have others experienced when quitting after 50? How did you deal with health issues? What happened after you quit?

I have been sober for almost seven weeks. As far as I am aware I don't have any major health issues as a result of drinking. I went to my doctor a few months ago. He wasn't actually very helpful though and just gave me the once over. Mt stomach was chronically upset . That took the best part of a month to settle down and still erupts now and again. The tiredness and lethargy lasted longer I suspect than it would have with a younger person. I am slowly losing a bit of weight - mostly around the middle as I am more active and eat less crap with the booze. So less calories all round.


D. Relapse. Does staying sober get any easier as you get past 50? I like to drink when I've had a good day; when I'm in a good mood. Last night my alcohol voice was loud. Any secrets for killing the desire?

I have a history of trying to quit when I felt so ill I felt I had no choice other than stopping or going nuts. This is the longest I have stopped since my 40s. I an fearful of drinking again. I fancy there are not too many 'stop/goes' left in me frankly. I am also happier and feel all round better on this occasion. I feel pretty damned positive mostly!

E. Does exercise help staying sober? If so, what have others experienced and done?

Absolutely! I walk 1.5 hours a day with my dogs! I also hike in the Lake District a lot. Makes a big difference. I have been planning to joiun a gym for more all round aerobic type exercise. next week!


Finally, the floor is open. I'd like to see a good conversation about quitting when you're past 50. The good, the bad and the ugly.

I don't know if it is tougher or easier quitting when you are older. I suspect in some ways it is easier if your life style doesn't revolve around booze, which often it does as a younger person. I drank at home and alone mostly. Mortality is a fact, old or young. I know people in my local AA who came very close to death - in fact one who is now a friend outside the fellowship had the last rights read to him as his liver failed and he 'peed treacle' as he put it. He was in his early 40s then. It is a dangerous game if the problem becomes acute, old or young.

On the other hand moderate drinking can be fun, relaxing and make you feel pretty good! But who here can drink moderately? Not many of us. Why else would we be here?

advbike

Yes, for me it was much easier after age 50 due to less peer pressure, friends becoming more healthy etc. Once I turned 50 I began drinking less and getting more sober time, mainly because my body couldn't handle it as well - I would get the 3am wake-up and then start worrying, even if I only had a few the night before. So that also made it easier to cut down, as my addiction was not so much physical as emotional, and to calm social anxiety. However, due to my complacency and thinking I was able to moderate it, it took me until age 57 to really commit to my sobriety.

I finally realized it was slowly killing me - physically, mentally and spiritually - and that I had to do whatever it took this time. My life was slipping away and I hadn't done what I wanted yet. Didn't have a healthy relationship. And lots of little ailments were starting to crop up. Drinking mostly allowed me to just keep avoiding reality - for years.

As to what works - exercise really helps, especially aerobic. Nothing makes you feel better than the endorphins from a run or good bike ride. Also, mindfulness training - learning to let go of the past and future and just be in the moment. Either through yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, etc. Something that helps to quiet the voice in the background. Simply reading a good book is very helpful to me.

Being around people on a daily basis also helps me, but then I go home and recharge, as I am naturally an introvert. I also have found it very helpful to post here on SR regularly. I do not attend AA regularly but find meetings helpful at times. If I had strong cravings I would go more regularly and I think working the steps are helpful to some.

Lastly, commitment to my sobriety means that I have delayed some of the things that are big triggers for me such as dating and overseas travel, until I feel I am stronger in my sobriety. Just not an option right now.

sugarbear1

I got sober at 50 and today I have almost 2 years and 5 months of sobriety (4 days shy right now).

Life ONLY gets better and I look younger than I did 2 years ago.

Go for it!!!! You'll feel terrific and life will be so much more!

Coldfusion

I sort of have the feeling that I didn't choose when to quit. My wife and I pretty much thought that we would die from alcoholism. My wife's sister had died of cirrhosis a year earlier. But we did not get to drink until death because we ran out of money. Our wine bill was approaching $50 per day, and neither of us had a job.

We sold my 4 X 4 pickup truck and I went into detox. 90 meetings in 90 days followed, and now the promises of AA are starting to come true--especially having no fear of financial problems. I got a job from someone I met at the meetings, and my wife was hired after she told her interviewer that she had quit drinking.

But as I said, I don't think we chose when we had to quit--for some it's age 15, for some it's 50, and some drink until they die.

MythOfSisyphus

I'm sneaking into the thread. I'm only 44, not yet 50, but all the things you say are true for me as well. My appearance was youthful up until about 35, and drinking really made me look and feel older.

Mel12

WantToDoThis, thank you for starting a great thread. I sense you will do this!

I here respond to your question about exercise. Though never athletic and in my 50s, I took up exercise training as a "vital absorbing consuming interest." The mood stabilizing effects have been especially important for me. Regarding mortality concerns, now having been at it for a while my "numbers" are great, say the doctors.

My approach is perhaps a bit extreme: After a few years of do-it-yourself and a couple of minor injuries, I joined an expensive individualized boutique gym with an expert personal trainer who has me pursuing specific goals in defined timespans with a pleasingly varied and crafted program. This is working for me.

I wish you the best of times for your 50s and beyond.

CaiHong

Hi Want to do this,

I quit over 2 years ago. Will be 60 this year. I use AA and like you was reluctant. I am also an expat so getting to meetings can be problematic but SR is a fantastic support so with the wisdom of the 12 step program and the community of SR, I am happy and sober.

Just using willpower alone has never worked for me, moderation was never a realistic option. Find a program that you can follow and use SR as a support and you can do this.

I don't miss alcohol at all now, I have no cravings and do t feel the need to use alcohol to relax.

I am incredibly fit and energetic, I am not slowed down or compromised by alcohol.
What a freedom
keep posting and reading

Caihong

Marcher13

I stopped drinking seven months ago at 57 and, in the last five months, the improvement in my health has been spectacular. I used to call myself a "high functioning" alcoholic which is, I now believe, a self-deceiving code we use for ourselves if we get up and go to a job everyday.

Initially I was terrified that I had gout because one of my ankles kept swelling, it turned out to be a tendon issue but that was enough to set me on the road to Google then I found SR and the rest is history.

I didn't have any serious health issues but lots of niggling issues disappeared -- constant thirst (dehydration), headaches (ditto), vague indigestion/reflux, undefined aches & pains, being wiped out after lunch each day, elimination issues. My blood pressure has plummeted, my medication has been halved and will probably be cut out completely despite family history on both sides.

I've taken up cycling, yoga, getting up early and generally 'doing' mornings which I never liked before. My appearance has improved, my energy levels are very good and much higher than they were.

For me the change in my health and energy is truly amazing because I thought I was doing ok before.

As for AV, think of it as a toddler because that's what it is. Support systems are different for all of us, some go to AA, some to other support groups. For me SR is my support system.

doggonecarl

You already know you need to stop for good. What you have to do is quit letting your addiction convince you that you don't.

Pondlady

I started drinking around age 45, quit at 54 and am now 56. As a woman, I feel menopause played a role in my increased drinking. I agree there is much less peer pressure at our age and we are more confident about " being ourselves".

Exercise played a huge role in my recovery.......taking many walks. I've now added yoga to the mix and feel good. I regret wasting time and potential, drinking....but I learned an awful lot about myself....one thing's for sure......I DON'T miss it!