Messed-Up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 297
Messed-Up
I have been on a Binge for about 6 months, now. It ended last week with Withdrawal-DT's (both auditory and visual), Tremors, stomach pain, pounding heart. I've never been that sick IN MY LIFE. I've beeen quite depressed since then and decided I'd have a drink today, thinking it would help. I was looking for that "warm/fuzzy" feeling. I'm glad it didn't happen, otherwise I'd have probably drank more. It just made me feel DIRTY. I'm scared.
I'm going to a meeting tonight. I have to. It is the only place I can go where I might feel safe. Safe from Myself. Safe from My creepy little thoughts that keeep me down. Safe from the night-which is the WORST time for me. I have been isolating alot, for a number of years and can't even seem to carry on a normal conversation with anyone, anymore. Even when I am with someone else, I am too stuck in my head to really talk much - losing My Social Skills.
I NEED to change this, badly. I don't like it here. I am an intelligent, creative,
happy person; deep down. All of that seems to have been lost right now.
I was going to AA about 11 years ago, after My last crash and was doing well. I was a hardcore athiest before AA and to My amazement I had a spiritual connection for quite some time. Then I left the Program and slowly forgot about my Higher Power and started to drink again - Ever so slowly and moderately at the start and it took about 4 years to hit the point I was at up until last week.
I NEED to get a life, again. I let the booze rob me of that potential. I HAVE to go back into those rooms. I could have died last week. AT 49, I am not getting any younger or more resiliant with time. Also, from what I understand, My Alcoholism has progressed since I went to AA when I was 38.
Thanks
I'm going to a meeting tonight. I have to. It is the only place I can go where I might feel safe. Safe from Myself. Safe from My creepy little thoughts that keeep me down. Safe from the night-which is the WORST time for me. I have been isolating alot, for a number of years and can't even seem to carry on a normal conversation with anyone, anymore. Even when I am with someone else, I am too stuck in my head to really talk much - losing My Social Skills.
I NEED to change this, badly. I don't like it here. I am an intelligent, creative,
happy person; deep down. All of that seems to have been lost right now.
I was going to AA about 11 years ago, after My last crash and was doing well. I was a hardcore athiest before AA and to My amazement I had a spiritual connection for quite some time. Then I left the Program and slowly forgot about my Higher Power and started to drink again - Ever so slowly and moderately at the start and it took about 4 years to hit the point I was at up until last week.
I NEED to get a life, again. I let the booze rob me of that potential. I HAVE to go back into those rooms. I could have died last week. AT 49, I am not getting any younger or more resiliant with time. Also, from what I understand, My Alcoholism has progressed since I went to AA when I was 38.
Thanks
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome diffingo! I'm so glad you joined us. You'll find you are not alone. We all understand like no one else can.
I was older than you when I had a similar experience. With age, I just couldn't recuperate anymore from the binges. The last time I was drinking 'round the clock. I was terrified. It wasn't even fun or relaxing, just miserable. That's when I came to SR and found the courage to change my life. You have plenty of company here & we know you can do this!
I was older than you when I had a similar experience. With age, I just couldn't recuperate anymore from the binges. The last time I was drinking 'round the clock. I was terrified. It wasn't even fun or relaxing, just miserable. That's when I came to SR and found the courage to change my life. You have plenty of company here & we know you can do this!
to SR! You've made a wise decision to stop drinking. Sober life really rocks.
I'm glad you found us and joined the family.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
Welcome to SR!
Yes alcoholism is progressive. And unfortunately as we age our bodies ability to handle the daily onslaught of alcohol decreases. I'm glad you didn't drink when you felt the urge.
I'm a little older that you, and I know that I could go get some alcohol and get drunk tonight and it might feel pretty good for a couple of hours. But I would feel awful in the morning so I would have a beer or two to smooth things out. I likely would alternate between drinking and trying to taper off for 3 - 4 days, and then I would feel miserable physically and mentally for another week. So if I decide to drink tonight, I'd better block off the next 2 weeks in my calendar because it would take that long for me to recover.
I can't imagine what a 6 month binge would look like. If you drink tonight, will you go off on another 6 month binge? If so, are you going to make it back? That's the question you need to consider when you think about taking that first drink.
Yes alcoholism is progressive. And unfortunately as we age our bodies ability to handle the daily onslaught of alcohol decreases. I'm glad you didn't drink when you felt the urge.
I'm a little older that you, and I know that I could go get some alcohol and get drunk tonight and it might feel pretty good for a couple of hours. But I would feel awful in the morning so I would have a beer or two to smooth things out. I likely would alternate between drinking and trying to taper off for 3 - 4 days, and then I would feel miserable physically and mentally for another week. So if I decide to drink tonight, I'd better block off the next 2 weeks in my calendar because it would take that long for me to recover.
I can't imagine what a 6 month binge would look like. If you drink tonight, will you go off on another 6 month binge? If so, are you going to make it back? That's the question you need to consider when you think about taking that first drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 297
Holy cow! That ONE beer 4 hours ago has really wiped Me out. I feel like a jellyfish. I am weak, both physically and mentally. Thank God I only had the one. Like I said though, earlier-after that drink I just felt dirty, but as time went on here, I just feel so thin and wispy -I don't even want to go out tonight. I really seem to need to rest-Big Time. I am so glad you people are here, though. At least I'm getting SOMETHING better than I could give Myself right now!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome, Diffingo911! I know intimately how you feel. It's shocking just how bad things can get when you're on a bender. I swear I almost forgot how humans communicate at times when I still drank. And it can come on with shocking ferocity.
Your 'humanity' for lack of a better word, it will come back. I'm an atheist, too, kind of a militant one. But we too are spiritual. Not for a deity but for that communal spirit that binds and unites all of us as humans. You can find your way back to the living, Diffingo911.
I am glad to see you here at SR. It's been a huge part of sobriety for me, and I visit the site every day. I hope it's as helpful to you as it is to me.
Your 'humanity' for lack of a better word, it will come back. I'm an atheist, too, kind of a militant one. But we too are spiritual. Not for a deity but for that communal spirit that binds and unites all of us as humans. You can find your way back to the living, Diffingo911.
I am glad to see you here at SR. It's been a huge part of sobriety for me, and I visit the site every day. I hope it's as helpful to you as it is to me.
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