ExWinoMom

I went to an aa meeting tonight. It was an anniversary I think, an all women's group. I listened to a girl talk about her decline in alcoholism and then recovery in aa. I started looking at the differences instead of the similarities and I felt like my problem wasn't that bad at all, I felt like a fraud being there. I think my issues are more living problems as an adult child of an alcoholic. But I'm only 20 days sober today. I'm feeling tired and hormonal and strung out by my kids today.
Anyway it's like I want to be an alcoholic so I can qualify so I can be fixed by something. Belong somewhere. Oh man I'm sure this thinking is nuts and I am an alcoholic in my thinking

least

Each person's problems are bad to them. Look for the similarities not the differences. You are not a fraud. You deserve to be there seeking help.

Twenty days sober is pretty early in recovery. Give yourself more time to stabilize in your thinking.

digdug

Do you have a desire to stop drinking?

If yes, you qualify for AA.

ScottFromWI

If you think alcohol is a problem for you and you want to stop drinking, that's all that is required to be at an AA meeting, or any other recovery meeting/method for that matter. I personally never had any of the horror stories of losing my job, marriage, etc either -but drinking is still a major problem for me. Congrats on your 20 days, and I hope you go back for another meeting.

desertsong

That was one of the lies my disease told me: "I'm not as bad off as some of these people. Maybe I'm not really an alcoholic." Fast forward a few more months and I was every bit as "bad" as some of them and worse than others.

The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. If you've got that, you qualify.

ExWinoMom

Thanks guys.
I want to not drink anymore. I do like to get drunk.
Yep my disease is probably playing me.
The program is very healing and I am desperate for healing

ippochick

the only requirement for membership of AA is a desire to stop drinking.

i would maybe suggest 2 or 3 different meetings. also, try to look for the similarities. AA is working for me, but i was ready for it. if i'd tried it even last year it would have gone on the list of 'things that don't work' and i don't know where i'd be today.

be well.

seahorse661

I did the same thing the first time I went to AA. I decided my problem wasn't that bad. Unfortunately I then carried on drinking and when I went back 5 years later, there weren't many differences at all anymore; I had created the same chaos I thought I was better than

AlefVavResh

AA has been a blessing in my life. I had not lost anything or wound up in the hospital. I was just a lying drunk. Could not stop after that one glass. . . . What I've found in the meantime is that AA has not only helped me stay sober, it has changed my whole outlook on life. I feel like a new person. . . . Keep going.

360shoes

Hi ExWinoMom,
Ex wino here too.

One of the best things I ever did was work on myself to get to the point where I could look at most anything with an open mind. Including my own thinking. I think it came from me putting a lot of work into positive thinking. I figured it would serve me well in all aspects of life and it certainly has. And being positive is not me thinking everything is great. It isn't always great. I just work on believing it won't last forever and it's just circumstance. I'm not flawed. It's just life.

So that being said, I'm not an AA member but I will go to a meeting whenever I feel the need to do it. I can listen to people talk about things I don't really relate to and things I don't always necessarily agree with. Not all that much different than SR in my opinion. But what I do understand and do relate to is what it feels like to be sad or hopeless or lost and on the flip side what is beautiful and better and wonderful. I don't care where I get that. But I need it.

I have to remember that there is a difference between feeling like a fraud and feeling something is just not comfortable. Fraud to me says I'm not being honest with myself and in turn not being honest to others. Uncomfortable just means I don't get it...I'm not use to this. How do I get comfortable and use to something? Same way I got my butt in a jam getting use to drinking wine every night. I kept doing it. Only difference was I refused to look at where that one was taking me.

Just me but I have found that for me to get the results I want. And now that I have stopped drinking I actually have a clear head to actually know what it is I really want and don't want, I have to keep an open mind to anything that moves me forward to my goal. And my goal is to not be a drunk, be a good person who tries to do my best, ain't perfect but likes myself flaws and all, enjoys life with all it's good and hard, wants to wake up everyday without that feeling of worthlessness and letting myself down again and again.

That's what we all want probably. Doesn't matter to me who was worse or how they get out of their own hell. I'm just happy it's possible no matter how it gets done.

Awesome job on the 20 days!

ExWinoMom

Thanks fello ex wino mom
I am gonna get to another meeting today,
Regardless of whether I feel like a fraud or not. That is something I can share in the meeting. I'm going to find a sponsor too. Wish me luck xxxx

ExWinoMom

Also good luck to you too! Xx

ExWinoMom

Thank you to all you AA's who inspire me to keep going. GOD BLESS YOU XXXXXXXXXX

sugarbear1

Drinking wasn't my problem, I did that well.

Living sober was my problem.

AA helps.

Sally3127

Keep us posted..

MythOfSisyphus

You are not a fraud. Your drinking problem is way worse than somebody's, and not nearly as bad as another. But it's still real. A moderator here has a sig line that says "Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind." That pretty much covers it. When you see a little child crying because she wandered away from her mommy you don't scold her and laugh at her because her fear is so silly- it's a big deal for a child! Everyone's problems are a big deal to them.

I don't do AA but I do remember reading that the only requirement is a sincere desire to quit drinking. Do you have a sincere desire to stop? Don't beat yourself up, just take the lifeline that's been thrown to you.

StevenT

If you went to AA for help then you're in the right place. If you went to AA to figure out what it is about then you're in the right place. If you want to change something, even if it's something small and simple, if alcohol is involved, AA is for you.

The question is if you're for AA. Only you can decide that, for it is a decision and not a predetermined fact.