Maria089

I came to this site to get some advice on how to help my husband.. He is addicted to oxy. He tried getting sober two years ago and was put on subs, but after about 9 months he relapsed and his addiction has been slowly consuming his entire life. Oxy is all he thinks about, talks about, and reads about. He doesn't want to do anything unless he's high. The amount of time he spends trying to get pills and meeting up with people is insane... Not to mention money spent. He lies to me and even went as far as talking to a stripper to get pills, which is absolutely not okay when your pregnant wife is sitting at home wondering why you won't answer your phone. When we first got together he was sober, and he was doing so good I didn't think relaps would be a question. After he found out you can in fact get high even while taking subs, sobriety was out of the question. I moved across state to be with him (his job is reason why), we were just married in May, and have a beautiful baby girl that was born in July. I told him a couple days ago that he needs to quit the oxy and just stick with the subs. I'm tired of all the lies, and all his time and energy wasted on his damn pills and no time or energy goes to his family. I feel like he's abandoned us. I don't know how to save our marriage. Any advice on how to help him without destroying myself in the process?

suki44883

Sorry you are dealing with this, but the person you should be most intent on helping is yourself so you can protect your daughter.

We have a great Friends and Family forum here that is very supportive. Here's a link...

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to SR. We're here to support you.

JennyMack

When I was in active addiction, my drug of choice was oxy. I used it almost daily for 5 years. I cringe to think of the people I hurt when I lied and stole from them to support my addiction. I would say the best thing for me was that my boyfriend and family were all supportive and understanding of me. None of them could tell me when I would be ready to quit, but once I was ready they all stood behind me and helped me through the worst of it and the best of it.
Unfortunately, it wasn't as simple as loving my boyfriend and quitting for him, I really had to do it for me. It was only when I was ready to be done with the using, abusing, lying, stealing, coming home at 2am after waiting up half the night to score etc etc. that I could actually put it behind me and move forward. I hope for your sake and for your daughter that he will be ready to quit sooner than later.
You really do have to look out for yourself and your child. There are plenty of support groups out there for families/spouses of addicts that could help you. As for helping him, once he is ready to take that step and try to get clean again support him as much as you can. Having a great support system is what enabled me to stay clean this time!

Maria089

Thank you... Maybe there is some light at the end of the tunnel. After I put everything out on the table the other day he's been reading his "It Works How And Why" book from NA, and mentioned going to meetings at least four times a week to start. He hasn't actually gone yet, but hopefully he goes tonight. He is always saying how he wants to quit and I asked him if he was ready... And he assures me he is, but he also said that "I have to quit now because you will leave if I don't". I don't know how to take that though, to me it seems he's only getting clean because i told him to... But I am here for him for whatever he needs... As long as he doesn't lie to me.