LEP1968

I been struggling for almost a year now. I knew my drinking was out of control since November 2012. I drank the summer away. Drinking at work etc etc. Somehow I kept that job. I a carpenter handyman. My wife gave me ultimatum. But I of course talked my way out of that. So disgusted with myself tonight. My wife packed my bags a week ago. They still sitting by the door. My kids upset. Then this weekend sometime I lost my wallet. The dumb thing is I had been hiding my wallet from my wife. Usually under bed. She took all my credit cards and debit last week. You'd think that be enough to stop me. Wrong. My boss loaned my $30 today. I drank it all away. I doing all I can to finish siding job so I can get paid. Ughhhhhhh.

Just feeling sorry for myself...,..

Dee74

Hi again LEP

I kept waiting for something to save me or something really bad to happen...and something life threatening bad did eventually occur... but it took about 10 years.

Why not stop digging that hole?

D

LEP1968

Thanks dee74. I feel hopeless tonight.

SkyeSea

Hi LEP. I think for your wife to calm down, she's going to need a HUGE gesture from you - something like admitting you want help and going into rehab but I'm not sure if that's what you want to do though? End the drinking I mean? It's obviously not doing you any favours, if you've resorted to hiding wallets and drinking the money your boss loaned to you.

Until you actually WANT to do something about all of this, there's not a lot to say really
I hope you find clarity soon

MythOfSisyphus

Sorry you're in a bad spot, LEP. Maybe time to try something different? What you've been trying isn't working. What's the worst that could happen? Try getting sober; if your life doesn't get better you can always go back to drinking. Not so easy to put the toothpaste back in the tube though if you don't stop.

Most of us drink until we can't anymore. Maybe tomorrow is here now?

Amajorityofone

Friend-

All you have to do is not drink today.

Astronomical changes often come from tiny beginnings.

Good luck and God Bless

least

I agree. You've got to take charge of your problem and solve it. Start by not drinking today. Then call around for help in stopping. Try AA, counseling, something! You've got to take action before it's too late. You can do this!

13unluckyforsom

Hi - I remember my first drunk summer - that was 5 years ago. Don't put yourself through the torture - I urge you to get help now. You can stop all this right now and begin to pick up the pieces. You are worth this fight.

What goes on in your head when you decide to drink? Do you hear that voice saying to you 'just have a few you've had a hard day - you work hard - you deserve it' STOPPPPPPPP.... Evaluate that - you DESERVE to pour poison down your neck and risk losing loved ones etc no you don't. You are worthy of a sober happy and fulfilling life and you can do it. I wish you well - keep reading and posting and if you feel like it would help then speak to your doctor. They've heard it all before - they are there to help.

13unluckyforsom

Ps.. Feeling sorry for yourself is not nice - I think we've all been there but from someone who as recent as last week thought that walking out in front of a car would be a good idea - I'm out the other side and I can honestly say that while by no stretch of my imagination is everything sparkling rainbows - it's manageable sober. There's things I'm not satisfied with but instead of drinking AT them I've been making plans to change what I can and working on my own self esteem and stress and anxiety through mindfulness and just trying to be in a moment as much as I can be.

Life's here and now for your taking - I hope you take it. Give your heart a break

jutam

it took me a year to stop drinking after identifying I just had to and I had a big alcohol problem. how much time did I waste of my precious summers thinking Ill stop tomorrow. addictions ugly, you know it, you are living it, my partner and children also lived it, so did my family.....
I maintain that if I can stop anyone can stop. :-)
good luck.. it can be done, life is real without alcohol but much happier and honest and manageable.
keep coming back we all know how the story goes... you stop or it all just gets worse

LEP1968

Thanks for the responses. My aunt is in recovery. Been sober quite awhile now. Today I am calling the number for a halfway house that then leads into treatment. My aunt told me about it. In total I'll be in for 50 days or so.

13unluckyforsom

That's a really brilliant step to take. I think you sound resolved in your decision - I'm sure you feel a bit of relief in taking control back. I wish you well and I hope to see you back in the future happier and sober and living this life instead of existing. All the best.

13unluckyforsom

My advise is to really give this opportunity everything you have - get to the nitty gritty - do the work - it's a challenge but it's going to enable you to fix this.

wiscsober

for sobriety I had to make a commitment to myself, that I had to accept my illness.

There is a big difference between a desire to quit drinking and a desire for the irrational behavior to end.

It's your decision but nothing will change unless we (I) just give up and say "can't do it by myself and need help.

Maybe time for you to be open to seeing your doctor, going to AA, rehab, etc.

It's your illness, not your wife's responsibility, time for the games to end. We can only lose.

Pulling for you...SR is an invaluable tool for me along with AA and Alanon.

wiscsober

Good to see you are making a decision towards recovery.

Ruturn

Hi LEP. Twenty years ago I had an incredible future in front of me and was on the way to accomplishing everything I wanted out of life. I was TDY to Ellsworth AFB in South Dakota and was taken out by a bunch of the people who were stationed there. I don't remember much of the evening but I know I was found passed out on the crapper with my pants around my ankles. Should have been a wake up call, no? Lol, it wasn't for me. It began my twenty year journey of trying to control my drinking and to just be normal. I quit on that career, eventually ruined a successful business I had started, and have put myself and my family through emotional hell along the way. Oh, how I wish I had woken up anytime before a week and a half ago and stopped drinking for me so I could have the life I wanted. I think I'm on the right path now, but I guess I was a slow learner. I've tried just about every trick or control out there to keep myself from doing what I do, and NONE of it ever worked until I made the decision that I'm done and that I'm done for ME. Good luck and I hope things get better for you. Its a marathon, not a sprint, but things do get better over time.