It needs to stop
 

I feel just awful today. I have been a frequent lurker to sr, but haven't posted in a long time. My join date July 2010. I'm really ashamed. Why can't I get it together? I will go a few weeks, and just when I start feeling good again, I buy wine. I hate this I just got done with a 4 day binge. Last night was horrid with sweating, heart palpatations, anxiety, nausea. I felt like I was having a panic attack. I need to hold on to that feeling and the terrible guilt and shame and remember it next time I want to buy wine. It sucks. I know I am bringing it on myself. I have 2 kids and I need to be a good example for them. I need to be strong for them. They deserve way better than this. I can't stop beating mysellf up. I was crying last night and my five-year-old was crying with me. That is what a great big heart he has. I want to deserve that but I feel pretty unworthy right now. This is it 10/9/13. I HAVE to do this. Thanks for reading. Need to get if off of my chest. I am going to post every day. I won't dissapear this time. I need to be here.

Poppies

Welcome back! :hug: Glad you're giving it another go. :)

Welcome back PoppiesInJuly, you can do this. Glad you are here. :)

Thanks. :tyou It really does help to get encouragement from others who have been there. I am a little broken today, but I am going to spend some time reading and trying to be encouraging to others too.

So glad you're back with us, and great you've made that decision. Can you print out your post so that in the future you can remind yourself of how desperate you feel right now.

It's so easy to forget.

Best wishes to you x

All the very best to you Poppies!

How about other support? AA or some other face to face group?

I've been quiet about it in the past. This time I'm telling everybody. I told a friend today who came to be supportive. It felt good. I'm going to try and go to a meeting. I'm scared to go to a meeting, but I think it would be a good next step.

There is something about being public about it that helps. I have only told my spouse and a couple of family members, and of course, SR that I am quitting, but it does make me feel more accountable. Good luck, Poppies! The best is yet to come . . . .

Most people find the first meeting scary. Most people are also pleasantly surprised by how at home and at ease they are made to feel once they are in the meeting. Everyone there knows, after all, what it is like!

I know it is easy to say and not all that easy to be reassured, but it really is most people's experience.

That's a good plan, Poppies. I look forward to seeing your progress - and am here to support should you need it :hug:

Hello Poppies, Just wanted to say welcome back, wishing you the strength to succeed in your desire to stay sober. Get well, your children depend on you. Support is here for you always. Hugs, TF

good luck glad you decided to give up alcohol for good. Welcome you will be happier and your kids will love you for it. Get as much support as you can as you proceed in your new life.

It's great to see you back here Poppies. You sound ready this time.

I was like you - would get feeling good & then sabotage myself once again. I guess I always expected to somehow control it each time. I never set out to get wasted, just relaxed. It took me too long to admit it never worked out that way. Each time I picked up it led to a terrible ending. It was less exhausting to let go of it for good. You can do it Poppies. :)

day 2
 

Early morning, day 2. I slept pretty well last night. Pretty surprised by that. I was exhausted, though. So thank goodnes. Feeling pretty good today. A little achey. Flu-like. But still a thousand times better than yesterday. Going to make my daughter breakfast, pack her lunch and send her off to school. Then do the same for my little guy. Hope everybody has a great Thursday. :c011:

:welcome Back! ODAAT

Pulling for you.

You sound very awesome today :) the flu like symptoms will ease soon - I'm on day 3 so I know what your feeling. It's lovely getting up with the kids not hungover isn't it?! I'm sure your kids will notice a brighter mummy soon (I'm guessing your female lol sorry if wrong) just be gentle with yourself. Your doing fantastic!