Acheleus

I just played my acoustic for a while and I am a talented musician. I can also play drums and piano. Now that I am sober maybe I can start a group in the future. Thank you Nuudawn.

I can play music, write, and paint. Drinking just makes me waste my talent.

Nuudawn

Those are gifts to share with others. I hope you are able to utilize these gifts to transcend pain and create things that speak to others also in pain and in need of healing. People admire, need and enjoy such gifts very, very much. I can't tell you the healing I have found in books...they are my soother and refuge now.

pinkdog

Hi Acheleus, you are not alone. We hear you! Great job. Keep going! Love to you.

Acheleus

Love to you all.

I need to stop worrying about what other people think of me. Being myself is something I can learn to do in sobriety.

Writing and reading every day can be a kind of meditation.

I want to stop comparing myself to others on school. It makes me afraid of them, and I feel pain while I am there.

I just do not want to be scared anymore. I am afraid of failure, dying alone, never having a family...I need to remind myself that I can have these things after I straighten myself out.

Thank you for not giving up on me Nuudawn. This website is one of my lifelines.

So I need to get out of bed and get to work.

james872

hating yourself
feeling worthless
not knowing how to like yourself
worry about what other people think of you
not being able to be yourself
comparing yourself to others
afraid of others at school
pain
scared
afraid of failure
afraid of dying alone / never having a family

Nice list of things you can do to yourself you got there Acheleus. Maybe good to go through them one by one and reject them?

Acheleus

Wrote in my journal. Read a little but just want to sleep. The nicest thing I can do for me now is remain sober. I need to give myself a chance to be happy. When I get to thinking about my crazy parents and the constant turmoil of my childhood, and the aftermath, I want to do one of two things: jump off a bridge or get some alcohol. I will channel the misery I feel into working, writing, and cultivating hobbies. The problem is I do not have much hope or believe anything good will happen because so many terrible things have happened. Most of the time I feel like a waste of space who does not deserve to even live, much less be happy. But I want to get better everyday and relax a little.

Kaneda8888

Hey Ach

You're doing well. I would be more patient with yourself. From reading your posts, I would say that you are definitely on the mend. At the moment, its early days so you're getting the downside from withdrawal without the benefits of sobriety kicking in. That will happen. Just be patient !

Hang in there dude !

s492m

hey. Keep strong. I am on day 11 myself today and I got dumped about 2.5 weeks ago and it was all due to the alcohol. To top it off I went and told him the truth about some of the lies I had told him over the past few months when things were really bad with me and he flipped even more, but I dont blame him - he has every right to be angry. It kills me inside that now he wont even speak to me, but I am keeping strong and most importantly staying sober. Just immerse yourself with works and stuff. Hell I work in an office all alone so I am constantly by myself so it doesnt really help, but i am just focusing on taking each moment as it comes and just staying sober.

james872

You are a valuable person who the space you live in should be grateful about!

You've created a mental mess though. Believe me, I know all about it...

But it doesn't need to be there. There are treatments that can help with your mental issues. And I think you'd benefit greatly from seeking help.

Btw, you said this:

"The problem is I do not have much hope or believe anything good will happen because so many terrible things have happened."

This is absolutely a mind-f*** that has no basis in reality. What happened in the past is in no way a predictor for the future. If that were true, we wouldn't even have internet right now.

Things can improve. The only way the past can repeat itself is by your own actions or pure chance. You've changed your actions. You quit drinking. One of the best decision of your life. The misery that came from that will not repeat itself.

It depends on what you do. So what are you going to DO that makes life better?

One good step would be to get help with your mental issues. I think they are holding you back a lot.

I've decided to get help and am looking forward to it. I'm pretty good at identifying problems and seeing what's going on. Solutions, not so much yet. But hey, there are people trained for that.

Be well man. You deserve it.