RightLAine

Well just last week I posted on here saying "this is it I am done I have reached my rock bottom" I made it two days without drinking and now have been drinking ever since. Pretty much all day. I am so F-in disappointed in myself. The depression from letting myself and my family down just makes me want to drink more. I took 3 shots before coming to work. On Sunday I drank all day and then Monday morning had horrible panic attacks to the point I had to leave work. I called a rehab place that day and I have an appointment for an evaluation this Friday. In the meantime I just keep drinking and telling myself that Friday I will stop. After my episode on Monday I told my whole family I would stop that day but I have been drinking ever since.....just hiding it. I was supposed to be getting married in April and he left me this Monday because "he can't deal with all the drinking" God it's so depressing I just keep looking at the clock waiting for it to be 5 so I can get off work and go home and have some drinks. I just dont know how to stop. I get bad panic attacks and then I just drink to try and stop them.

doggonecarl

Stop telling yourself you can't make it past day two...it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The only way to get to three days sober is to not drink on day two. The early days are the worse but there is hope if you keep going.

As for panic attacks, you could see your doctor and tell him you want to quit and see if they can give you something for the withdrawals. I don't know if you have a true panic disorder, or if you are just panicking at the thought of quitting. If you stay firm to your committment to quit, you should be able to get through them.

RightLAine

I just use anything as an excuse to drink. I am terrified of night time because that's when the withdraws and the anxiety seem the worse so I just drink alot at night in order to sleep/pass out. I even thought picking up smoking cigarettes would help me quit drinking (what a F'd up way to think I know) I figured any time I craved a drink I would just smoke a cig. Now I just drink and smoke. Ughhhh

Nuudawn

People don't fail, plans (or lack therof) do. I'm glad to know you have called a rehab facility. The vast majority of us need help to quit. There is no shame in that ...none whatsoever. I used to pride myself on not needing anybody for anything. I do believe it was that mindset that got me in trouble with drinking. No easier, instant widely available remedy I could apply myself without a prescription or call to a counsellor! The drink was my answer for everything and anything.

I have come to realize that asking for help is an act of great courage and intelligence. Surrendering and asking for help is the greatest thing you can do for you. Glad you're here. You can do this.

doggonecarl

There's help when you want it, and you don't have to wait until Friday. Face to face support from folks who have been right where you are know. You can protest about AA, or you can accept the fact that you can't get sober on your own. When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you do whatever it takes to get and stay sober.

My two cents.

Good luck.

wiscsober

you can do it...forget about days...maybe start counting meetings ODAAT.

happyhour

right, there are so many reasons why we drink - do these reasons ever improve once we drink? they never do, and our lives continue to become more and more unmanageable. at the end, items like washing my car became overwhelming and a reason to drink. one day at a time, no more - many one days will lead to a life of beauty and opportunity.

make sure you keep that appointment on friday...

keep posting, you can do this

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you have an appointment with a counselor on Friday. Perhaps you are at the point that you need external help to get over the initial hump, the first week is always the hardest. What exactly do you do when you try to quit other than simply not drinking? Have you been to an AA Or NA Meeting? Simply "not drinking" is almost always a guaranteed way to fail, you need a plan and support to learn to live sober.

RightLAine

Thank you all! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. My life has become unmanageable because I am letting alcohol win. I need to stop this right away. I reached out for help by calling this rehab place and although I am terrified I am going to go and do this. I have already drank today so I am hoping tomorrow can be my day 1. I am 29 years old and hope to live a long time. I will beat this one way or another. thank you all. I feel as if I want to cry. Alcohol is messing with my head.

resolute50

The only failure is when you stop trying.
You sound like you're taking the right steps to get the upper hand on this.
Give yourself some credit.

For me day 2,3 was the hardest. It took me a couple times to get past that wall and then things slowly get better. And it does get better trust me.
Been there and done that.

RightLAine

Yes I made this appointment because I have realized I can't do this by myself. I have done nothing when I try to quit other then say "I just won't drink anymore" I have been to AA meetings years ago b/c it was part of my probation after my second DUI (yes I'm embarrassed about that) but at that point I never admitted or thought I had a problem so I basically sat there like an immature brat and didn't participate. At this point I will do whatever it takes. Rehab, AA, reading books about it, church....whatever....

ScottFromWI

Sounds like you have the right plan moving forward. You could always hit some AA meetings yet this week before your appointment with Rehab. You might find that you'll get a lot more out of the meetings now that you want help, rather than being forced to go.

Simka

RightLaine, I can relate to what you are feeling. It was a constant battle every evening to try not to drink. I could not get past day 2 for a long time. I would finally give in and not fight it, to only realize several months have gone by and my life was only worse.

For me, I came to a point where I was so miserable that the idea of being sober was more desirable then the temporary temptations to drink. When you fight the urge and wake up in the morning sober, it is the best feeling in the world! What helps me take my mind off drinking is going for a run or getting in the bath and just soaking while reading a book. I'm on day 6 now and it gets easier and easier.

You can do it! Don't believe the lie in your head that you need alcohol!

360shoes

Hi RightLAine,
Just my 1 cent but I know I had to go one more level below my bottom. Or what I like to call the turning point...sounds more positive in my opinion. Just when I thought despair was bad, I had to experience surrender. At that point, I was open to do whatever it took to get out of that way of life. It's no way to live. I know. I've been there.

And you can go more than 2 days. You just need help doing it. Most of us do. I don't care if it's AVRT, AA, counseling, or duc taping our hands together. We all need to find something to help us find our way out. You are not flawed because this is hard. It's hard because that's just what it is. Hard. The very thing we thought was fixing us was the very thing killing us. It takes a little time and work to move past thinking that way. You can do it.

Look forward. Not in the rear view mirror right now. Convince yourself by any means possible that you can do it, you are worth doing it for. Break the problem down into manageable pieces. That's what I did. Stop the drinking priority 1. Work on me to stay away from drinking priority 2. Ask for help before I am past the point of getting help. Always a priority. Surrender to the fact that I'm not going to always like it, be comfortable with it, or even feel like I want it or deserve it but no matter what, I'm not going back to it. I will do anything but pick up a drink. Anything.

It gets better!! It really does! You can do it. I know you can. Convince yourself. When a thought pops in your head that says you can't, tell it to shove off. You can choose to believe whatever you want to believe and you can be whatever you want to be.

My favorite quote. Not mine. Don't know who said it.

The only difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.

No time like today to be who you want to be.

(((Hug)))

jaynie04

Someone here posted a link a few days ago, I can't find it. Here's the premise, switch the words.

I can't make it past day 2. (implies an external force)

I don't make it past day 2 ( gives you ownership)

It helped me a lot to think of sobriety as a decision and not an event.