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Social situations and not drinking!!!

Old 10-09-2013, 04:15 AM
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Social situations and not drinking!!!

So in next week England have two football games, Oxford are playing at home and bro in law is coming to visit next weekend!!! Is it best to avoid social situations to start with? In house I can avoid drinking by going to bed but I haven't ordered a "soft" drink in a pub for years (about 25).
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:22 AM
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You know, I read somewhere on the forum, that children with diabetes, have a hard time giving up sweets, but they do it.
I guess it all depends how much you value your health, relationships etc as to whether you will order a 'soft drink' (although in truth Oxford playing at home, is not exactly an international match is it)

Personally, I avoid pubs etc for now - I don't want temptation in my way, even though I am fully committed to this.

Good luck.
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:22 AM
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Just think about today for now, 39. But I would suggest that you try to avoid social situations if you can And stressful ones, too, so I'm not sure about the England games - maybe in bed, with the covers over your head??
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:23 AM
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Not sure how long you have been sober- i avoided situations for about six months, or had my wife riding shotgun for me.

I can now do anything without dramas- dealing with others and situations requires developing skills
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:23 AM
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I drank a lot of water in the early days and found carrying a bottle of water with me everywhere helped. I also found (still do!!) that if I always have a drink in my hand (oj, said water, diet coke...) people are less likely to offer a drink and put me in the position of having to say I'm not drinking or having them make a fuss when I ask for non alcoholic drinks...or to feel tempted!
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:36 AM
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I avoided any social situations where there would be alcohol for several months to give myself the best chance at staying sober. I also changed old habits and avoided any places, people and situations that i associated with drinking. After a couple of months i felt more confident in my sobriety and started to socialize more. I never choose to spend time in a pub now. However, being around other people who are having a couple of drinks does not bother me at all. I think making sobriety a priority over pretty much everything else is important.
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:46 AM
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I have to go to work events that have drinking and I always make sure there is water or soda for me, I eat a little and I'm usually the first to leave (who wants to watch drunk people?) and that is ok. I don't know how far along you are, I would skip it if you feel really nervous about it.
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:57 AM
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Originally Posted by 39maleuk View Post
Is it best to avoid social situations to start with? In house I can avoid drinking by going to bed but I haven't ordered a "soft" drink in a pub for years (about 25).
We can all offer advice, most of us found that putting ourselves in a situation such as this can be taxing in early sobriety.

When you imagine yourself in the pub and not ordering a drink where does your head take you? Your OP leads to the fact that you're already questioning if you can do this. The problem is also that you can plan ahead of time to abstain and can have willpower to the umpteenth degree but that can change at any given moment.

I have been invited to go to bars a few times since I quit. I initially made the decision to go and then decided against it. I didn't want the needless torture of having to face the dragon. Someday I'll trust myself but just not right now.

If you do go keep something non alcoholic in your hand at all times. Understand that the urges are going to be much stronger in that setting.

Good luck.
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Old 10-09-2013, 05:06 AM
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There an awful lot of bad outcome stories on SR about people new in sobriety putting themselves in harms way.

I could not do it for a long tme even now I drive seperately and bring someone for support
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Old 10-09-2013, 05:08 AM
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It was suggested to me to avoid all drinking situations for the first year. You don't try to lose wieght by stocking your house full of junk food, and I believe the same goes for drinking. I was attending situations with alcohol, not drinking, but found myself drinking alone later. Its almost like I would be upset that they could handle it and I could not, and drank later because I was upset about it.
I think its just best to surround yourself with a positive apmtosphere that supports your decision to quit drinking - Why have any type of temptation. Watching that person to your right enjoying a beer may lead you to think that you could enjoy just one. Just my thought.
Best of luck to you.
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Old 10-09-2013, 05:13 AM
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Kyara - I've done that too in the past - braced myself and got through the event, but then when I could relax (coz it was over), I'd get caught off-guard with the cravings and drink
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Old 10-09-2013, 05:14 AM
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I agree with many here - stay out of the pubs, man.

I've said this before, but when I first got out of treatment I went straight to a pub and ordered a meal. Didn't drink, but sat right at the bar. For some reason I thought "I'll need to start going to bars sober - might as well start now". It's amazing, thinking back on it. My first thought was "how can I handle myself in a pub?"

Why did I do this? Because I'm an alcoholic! We can't see the forest for the trees. The simple answer is: you don't go to a pub. Not early on, especially. When I realized how much easier that decision made sobriety, I am 15 months sober. There is no reason you should be putting yourself into this kind of situation - in my opinion. Sure, some folks say they can handle it. But some folks can hold their breath for 5 minutes underwater too - doesn't mean we all should try it. Ask anyone with long-term sobriety if they were going to pubs in their early days and see what kind of answers you get.

Mourning the loss of social activity in pubs and bars is one of the big hurdles you have to get over. In my experience, I had to grieve and mourn over that loss (It WAS a loss) and put it behind me and move forward. If you're not ready to face that reality yet, simply say "not this time" and take it one day at a time. Good luck, regardless of your choice.
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Old 10-09-2013, 05:40 AM
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Pubs and Bars are like kryptonite.

Unless someone is paying me to be in one of them, I avoid them like the plague.
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Old 10-09-2013, 05:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Amajorityofone View Post
Pubs and Bars are like kryptonite.

Unless someone is paying me to be in one of them, I avoid them like the plague.
I have a job that requires me to take customers to a pub. I'm actually paid to do it. I'm early in sobriety and for now I have a list of reasons I'm not drinking I recite to my customer. It's not easy.
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:17 AM
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Originally Posted by instant View Post
dealing with others and situations requires developing skills
Amen to that.
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:27 AM
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I would suggest avoiding "watering holes" for a while. If you're going to be in a situation where alcohol is present...make sure your stomach is full and you're not hungry. Visualize only drinking soft drinks the entire time and ONLY soft drinks, and remember how proud you will feel the next morning.
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Old 10-09-2013, 07:00 AM
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This is important for me too. Thanks guys. Just hijacking the post here
This reminds me of that saying "don't stand on the slippery bank if you don't want to fall in the river"
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Old 10-09-2013, 08:22 AM
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Originally Posted by 39maleuk View Post
In house I can avoid drinking by going to bed but I haven't ordered a "soft" drink in a pub for years (about 25).
Before my recent relapse - now arrested again, for 11 days - during the year or so I was sober, I enjoyed going out, from time to time, to bars and pubs and not drinking.

It gave me such a great sense of freedom, even while I was under "attack" of "one would not hurt you" or whatever. I just smiled and replied, no thanks, but I can't drink. Sometimes adding "because I am an alcoholic," sometimes "because I have an allergy."

Now, however, after the relapse and feeling vulnerable, I go (in really big circles) around any place that may trigger the urge.

I guess, everyone needs to find her or his own way to avoid that one, first, crucial drink.

...
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Old 10-09-2013, 08:25 AM
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I'd grab a sober friend, go out for some fun -- why not? Have a healthy drink (possible in a pub? - other side of the pond...) and enjoy yourself. my rule of thumb is if I have a reason other than drinking/drugging to be there, go - and leave once the valid reason for exposure is gone.
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