Pelly123

Hi im new on here and ive been looking through websites and trying to find anything to help me on my situation then i found this website..The situation i am is not a good one..I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and for about 5 months now he has been on drugs I started noticing very bad mood swings and then over 400 of my money was stolen I found messages on his phone with other girls and realized he was also cheating on me. He finally admitted that he was doing drugs and said that if he could just be with me again he would change and i thought he did for awhile but it all started up again only worse he ended up loosing his job from failing a drug test he was never around his mood swings were worse there was more cheating. I then found out it was coke/crack he was doing. I no that i should leave him and never look back but for some reason I can't and i don't understand why I can't i love him more then anything in this world and trying so hard to help him and be there for him but everytime i bring it up to him he will just get angry and say hes fine and hes not doing it. But i no he still is. I feel like im loosing my mind and this whole thing is just killing me and actually making me so sick because I no i should leave him but I just can't I dont want to give up on him i no deep down somewhere he wants to change but hes just too far down now. And his family is no help at all they enable him and when i confront them about what I no they push it aside and always believe everything he says. I feel so lost and alone because I don't no how to leave him and let him go and my family and friends don't understand..

resolute50

Welcome to SR, Pelly.
I'm sure somebody with experience in this will be along to give you some good advice.
I do know that drugs and alcohol can destroy all that is good in a person.

least

Welcome to the family. Your boyfriend must want to get clean for himself. You can't help him do it, the work has to come from him. For your own sanity I'd reconsider leaving as an option. Surely you deserve better from your partner.

We have a forum just for people in your situation. Here's the link.


Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

DAB

I can understand being hooked on the drugs. Why does he cheat on you?
Why would you love someone who treats you like that?
My only advice is to try an alanon meeting.

Bird615

Welcome to SR, Pelly!

I know how much it hurts to love someone who's addicted and you want to help them. Sadly there isn't really a lot we can do for them until they come to the decision that they want to stop. Meanwhile we very much need to learn how to take care of ourselves in this situation.

You'll find people in that Friends and Family forum who are going or have gone through the same sort of thing as you are now.

Pelly123

Thank you guys so much for writing back to me. Im so happy that I found this website and joined it. I wish I could tell you why I still love him after the cheating and the drugs..I can't even figure it out myself..I no deep down somewhere he does love and care about me because when its just us together its so different and just feels that theres noone else i belong with but him and I no deep down he wants to get clean and stop the cheating I just think he doesn't no how. I think ive actually come to a point where I blind myself from it all and just want to beleive and have faith in the good of him and that he can change. I really don't no how to accept what hes really become. and what is an alanon meeting?? Thank you guys again for writing back to me!

Twofish

Hi Pelly and welcome to SR! You won't be able to change him, only he can when he has the desire to be sober. I'm not sure and have no experience about the sex addiction. What I do know is you must take care of yourself, eat something, drink fluids, rest and get support. I bounce back and forth on these forums, but on the friends forum, you might find more people going thru or went thru what you are going thru(does that make sense?) take care, hugs, see you around, TF

whiskeyman

You let go by walking out the door.
You desreve better than this.
it sounds harsh but the truth.

You need as much help as he does.

Pelly123

Thank you guys so much for writing back to me ...and whiskeyman your right I think i do need to get myself some help because im having too hard of a time to let go.

grocerease

This guy sounds like he cares only about himself. You will never fix him, that's up to him. Move on and maybe one day he will apologize but I would look for something better. Anyone deserves better than what you have described. Just my opinion.

escapist

Cheating on you? That hurts. He has to make up his mind to stop. You have to decide if you can handle going through it. Don't let him drag you down with him.

Pelly123

Thank you. I no im trying very hard to let go of him but he always has this way of coming back and making me beleive everything he says I don't no if hes manipulating me or what but his words and how he acts with me really makes me believe him. He is in such a dark place right now and I no somewhere inside of him somewhere he does care and ive done everything to try and be there for him but no matter how much i beg and cry and for him to get help and change it doesn't work so you all must be right that it has to come within him...

micmac

He is using you as well as using drugs. You can do better and you deserve it. He loves crack and coke, not you. Sounds harsh but best to tell the truth. Decide how much more of his crap you want to put up with. Your love for him will not change his behavior. He has to change for himself.

DAB

Alanon is like AA but for the family and friends of chemical abusers.
It helps those living with addicts deal with their codependency.
Make yourself happy first and you will not settle for what could be, you will find someone who loves you and treats you well in reality.

Pelly123

Thank you im deffinaty going to look into that.