How do you "really" know.....
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Thread Starter
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Montana
Posts: 11
How do you "really" know.....
So this is my second time on this site but my hundredth time trying to quit drinking. I guess my problem tends to be that since I don't drink everyday or all day that maybe I'm not "really" an alcoholic and that is the thought that comes in my head after about a month of sobriety and then I drink again and do the whole pattern all over. Things go ok for the first few times, then I start drinking and having hangover at work, sooner or later I'm calling in sick and then I start blacking out, and soon after that I'm blacking out only a couple hours in. Then one horrid evening turns into my day to sober up and I do and then BOOM the thought of being normal creeps in my head and I board the roller coaster to hell!! How do I make it stick and "really" except I'm an Alcoholic. UG
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 664
Mireille - a big clue, is joining an addiction forum, but that aside, I also never drank daily - usually around once every couple of weeks.. I also ended up getting blackouts, calling in sick etc etc - ALL of which are huge red flags.
I think deep down you know the answer right?
x
I think deep down you know the answer right?
x
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
hi again mireille3rd
If you don't want to call it alcoholism, that's fine...
but anything you really want to quit and can't is a problem that needs addressing I think?
D
my hundredth time trying to quit drinking
but anything you really want to quit and can't is a problem that needs addressing I think?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
how to accept yer an alcoholic...it may help ya to do a lil surfin and find out what it means to be an alcoholic. for me, It didn't have a thing to do with how much or how often I drank.
one thing, though:
I admitted I was an alcoholic long before I stopped drinking. if you accept yer an alcoholic, are ya gonna want to do something about it??
one thing, though:
I admitted I was an alcoholic long before I stopped drinking. if you accept yer an alcoholic, are ya gonna want to do something about it??
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It's not how often you drink, but what it does to you when you do drink. I was once a weekends only drinker - years later I was totally dependent on it & drinking 'round the clock. It sounds like every time you pick up it leads to an unpredictable place. I think you're wise to get free of it Mireille. I hope it helps to talk it over here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 18
mireille- my experience is similar. a few days after a blackout i feel like sh*t, swear up and down i am NEVER going to drink again. then, as soon as i start to feel productive and healthy again i think, that wasn't so bad, i can handle this!
i still am trying to find my way in sobriety (i'm only on day 3), but my main focus has been that bottom line, i cannot be trusted with alcohol. sure sometimes i can go out and have a good time, not do anything regrettable, and wake up feeling ok... but more often it is the case that i overindulge and embarrass myself or put myself or others in danger.
i'm mostly a social drinker, meaning i rarely drink at home by myself. so it is easy to justify not having a "problem." but despite my best intentions, i can never predict when i will have a "bad" night and for me, it's just not worth the gamble anymore.
good luck
i still am trying to find my way in sobriety (i'm only on day 3), but my main focus has been that bottom line, i cannot be trusted with alcohol. sure sometimes i can go out and have a good time, not do anything regrettable, and wake up feeling ok... but more often it is the case that i overindulge and embarrass myself or put myself or others in danger.
i'm mostly a social drinker, meaning i rarely drink at home by myself. so it is easy to justify not having a "problem." but despite my best intentions, i can never predict when i will have a "bad" night and for me, it's just not worth the gamble anymore.
good luck
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
Hi mireille3rd,
At one time I drank like a normal person. Then, I didn't. At some point it seemed a switch had flipped and there was no more normal in drinking. Unfortunately, I cannot un-flip that switch.
I was near death when I finally stopped, and in the first few weeks after stopping there came an acceptance that I can no longer drink alcohol. It was a lot like the toggle that tripped me into alcoholism. It was when I became completely honest with myself.
At one time I drank like a normal person. Then, I didn't. At some point it seemed a switch had flipped and there was no more normal in drinking. Unfortunately, I cannot un-flip that switch.
I was near death when I finally stopped, and in the first few weeks after stopping there came an acceptance that I can no longer drink alcohol. It was a lot like the toggle that tripped me into alcoholism. It was when I became completely honest with myself.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
I didn't drink daily, had a good job, etc. but it I had one, I had 12. That and blacking out are signs of a problem, call it what you want. The best way to ensure you don't do that anymore is to not take that first drink, plain and simple.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Hi Mireille, and welcome.
I agree with all that has been said above. Before I stopped drinking (admittedly not that long ago), I wasn't sure I was a bona fide alcoholic. I decided it didn't really matter if I was or not. I didn't like how alcohol was affecting my life. As one person told me early on, I didn't drink all the time, but drinking affected me all the time.
Here is one thing I want you to know: thinking about quitting is a LOT scarier than actually quitting. Don't let your AV tell you that your life will be boring if you quit. That is a lie. You can do this.
I agree with all that has been said above. Before I stopped drinking (admittedly not that long ago), I wasn't sure I was a bona fide alcoholic. I decided it didn't really matter if I was or not. I didn't like how alcohol was affecting my life. As one person told me early on, I didn't drink all the time, but drinking affected me all the time.
Here is one thing I want you to know: thinking about quitting is a LOT scarier than actually quitting. Don't let your AV tell you that your life will be boring if you quit. That is a lie. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Hi Mireille and welcome!
I used to drink like you. Then I dated a guy who told me I would spend a lot less money and be safer if I just drank at home.
I wholeheartedly took his advice and proceeded to completely eff up my life and health for several years.
It's hard to know where you're at as an alkie if you haven't hit bottom. But just knowing you are somewhere on the spectrum will hopefully strike a chord with you.
You don't wanna hit bottom. Listen to that common sense that led you here and start pulling yourself up.
If you're upset that admitting you have a problem means you have to do something about it, you will find from poking around on SR that every single one of us had to face that, and we struggled with it. So many of us still do.
But I have to tell you, it's a blessed relief to give yourself permission to be sober.
I'm grateful I know I'm an alcoholic. It's made a lot of things easier. And the stuff that is harder is the stuff I tried to drink away: family stuff, relationships, sense of responsibility in this world. It's harder because now I have to face all that stuff. But in a way I'm happy to finally be present for those battles. And I don't have to face up to that stuff all at once. I'm taking my sweet time with it.
I'm glad you're here, I hope this helped. I'm looking forward to see what your thoughts are as you chew on your options.
You came to a great place. SR is a lifesaver.
I used to drink like you. Then I dated a guy who told me I would spend a lot less money and be safer if I just drank at home.
I wholeheartedly took his advice and proceeded to completely eff up my life and health for several years.
It's hard to know where you're at as an alkie if you haven't hit bottom. But just knowing you are somewhere on the spectrum will hopefully strike a chord with you.
You don't wanna hit bottom. Listen to that common sense that led you here and start pulling yourself up.
If you're upset that admitting you have a problem means you have to do something about it, you will find from poking around on SR that every single one of us had to face that, and we struggled with it. So many of us still do.
But I have to tell you, it's a blessed relief to give yourself permission to be sober.
I'm grateful I know I'm an alcoholic. It's made a lot of things easier. And the stuff that is harder is the stuff I tried to drink away: family stuff, relationships, sense of responsibility in this world. It's harder because now I have to face all that stuff. But in a way I'm happy to finally be present for those battles. And I don't have to face up to that stuff all at once. I'm taking my sweet time with it.
I'm glad you're here, I hope this helped. I'm looking forward to see what your thoughts are as you chew on your options.
You came to a great place. SR is a lifesaver.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 7
For me, I know I am an alcoholic because WHEN I pick up that first drink I can't stop, I have a personality change and I black out. Whether that first drink is daily or weekly or biannually...that first drink triggers a craving in me. My head, delightfully, will tell me that THIS TIME it will be different...this time I will behave myself...this time I will be sensible and responsible...'so go on', it says, 'pick up that first drink'...and then I do and then I can't stop and then it ISN'T different, I DON'T behave myself and I am NOT sensible and responsible....I am an alcoholic and by the grace of a God of my understanding and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous I am sober today.
Idiot!
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 556
If doing jigsaws caused you all sorts of problems you would stop doing them straight away.
What would you call that nagging desire that popped up after a while to start doing them all over again?
What would you call that nagging desire that popped up after a while to start doing them all over again?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
If you have tried to quit drinking many times before and have not been able to then i think you probably know the answer to your question. People who are not alcoholics or problem drinkers have no trouble stopping. I could sometimes stop for a short time and this caused me serious problems down the line because it allowed me to live in denial about my alcoholism. My drinking progressed to the point where i could not stop drinking when i wanted to even though it was making me ill. If i pick up a drink i have no idea where it will end. I am not in control. I have been sober for a year now and my life is less complicated and more peaceful. I think you are wise to be here addressing this before it gets worse.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: england
Posts: 10
i accepted on monday afternoon 5.15 pm during an appointment when i was told i was going to kill myself through drink...i have known for years i have an issue but being told i risk death was THE moment
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by Tamerua 
I didn't drink daily, had a good job, etc. but it I had one, I had 12. That and blacking out are signs of a problem, call it what you want. The best way to ensure you don't do that anymore is to not take that first drink, plain and simple.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Getting to where I want to be
Posts: 502
When I first started questioning whether or not I was alcoholic, I didn't drink every day, I could drink only a couple and not have any ill effects, I wasn't having horrible consequences.
Then the bottom fell out. DUIs, job loss, detoxes, health problems...the list goes on. Do you want to experience all the horrors of alcoholism before being convinced it's a problem? That's what it took for me.
I consider myself one of the lucky ones though. I'm sober, feeling pretty well and trying to clean up the wreckage left in the wake of my drinking. You have the chance to avoid a lot of this.
Then the bottom fell out. DUIs, job loss, detoxes, health problems...the list goes on. Do you want to experience all the horrors of alcoholism before being convinced it's a problem? That's what it took for me.
I consider myself one of the lucky ones though. I'm sober, feeling pretty well and trying to clean up the wreckage left in the wake of my drinking. You have the chance to avoid a lot of this.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by john44
I consider myself one of the lucky ones though. I'm sober, feeling pretty well and trying to clean up the wreckage left in the wake of my drinking. You have the chance to avoid a lot of this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
I often wish someone had told me when I was young: drinking alcohol is like Russian roulette. You may be fine or you may severely destroy your life. Unfortunately science does not provide us a litmus test before our first drink. If you came to this site, you've tested positive and need to save your life before it's too late.
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