Acheleus

Well I had an awful day. Stayed up all night trying to write and just did not have the energy. I asked for an extension on the paper and I have until Friday, so I do not know if my grad will suffer or not. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with all the memories in my head I tried to drink away. Eating now and just got home from work. I am going to sleep early as I did not sleep last night, then spend the next two days writing when I am not at work. It feels good to be on day 10 but I wish I could have written the paper, but I don't know if the meds are making me less motivated. I'm trying to give the meds a chance without giving up on them--one antidepressant and one anti anxiety. Maybe tomorrow morning I can write then go to work. I have to read a long book before I can write, so I don't know when I can do that. I'm so sick of school I just want to leave and go back home, but I know that is a waste.

Struggling on day 10, going to try and read the book then write the draft.

SkyeSea

Exercise is great for clearing your head - also, writing the thoughts down releases them from going around and around as they are there on paper for you to read anytime

I remember when I was about to take my driving test and had to know all the theory - I went to a local castle and walked miles around the lake and gardens there - took the edge off the nervousness and what I read sank in. (It's a castle and grounds open to the public by the way - I'm not rich) lol

I always tend to 'panic write' essays etc - leaving it until the last minute works for me as I 'know' then I have to get it done. If I have days to write it, I make endless coffees etc and nothing gets done

As for the book you have to read - can you not skim through it, or even get a rundown via google? Naughty I know, but a means to an end.

Good luck with it all

PS One thing a pal in Oz suggested once - if you can't get down to writing something, write the conclusion first and work backwards - it actually does work - gets you through the mental block

pinkdog

Hi Acheleus, Yea for day 10. Don't be discouraged. Keep going friend. You can do it!

Acheleus

Thank you. I will try to write from the conclusion.

SkyeSea

It sounds crazy, but it somehow seems to open up the floodgates and everything else follows x

least

Congrats on ten days!! You're really coming along great!!

Acheleus

Been in bed but cannot sleep. No energy and brain feels dead. I was a binge drinker on the weekends--could these be symptoms of my body healing? Also I have quit smoking. My AD makes cigarettes taste and smell disgusting.

WhitePawn

Hey Ach--days 9 and 10 have been my most difficult so far, I even went to the chat room on one of them and had a few laughs, which really seemed to help. I'm only on day 13, but I'm looking forward to my 2 week anniversary tomorrow. So hang tough and looked forward as it does get better.

Acheleus

I have no hope today. It feels like I cannot get started to care about anything, I just stay in bed and think about drowning. I cannot figure out why I have no one in my life. Maybe I should just write the draft so I will not feel like an idiot anymore. All I want to do is gain sobriety so I can figure out what I want to do.

Acheleus

Thanks Whitepawn, I had a craving to drink today but I just came hone and rested.

Coldfusion

I found the anti-anxiety medications prescribed to me during detox caused confusion, and were very addicting. And it took a while for anti-depressants to really kick-in.

I would always start papers with the abstract. It's the first part you read, after all, and it is great as an outline. And then when you're done with your paper, you don't have to go back and write the beginning.

Ten days is AWESOME!

Acheleus

Thanks cold fusion I will try that technique. I just cannot think straight today. I feel like I am at the bottom of a well.

HeadLump

Despite what you may feel, Ach, you're doing great. Please don't underestimate the progress you've made. This could be the most important journey of your life and you're already TEN DAYS in!!

Try to relax if you can. The words will flow when you stop fighting them xx

s492m

hey well done. I am day 10 myself and I must admit over the past few days my head has been pretty clear. I was super lazy yesterday but that was because I was thinking about my ex but still didnt drink. Went to my meeting and felt better... just hang in there...

Hawkeye13

Hi Acheleus;
As a life-long grad student and now a writing specialist, when I just couldn't churn out another paper I would take my sources and choose pithy quotes / create paraphrases and type all of that in with spaces between in one font with no organization--just enough legit sources on the topic for when it was done. Then I would make my Works Cited page and put the sources in. Next, I would look at what I had and "map" some kind of thread of idea on it, cutting and pasting into thesis "chunks" that were related. Next, start "connecting the quotes" with your own writing but in a different font so you can see how much is you and how much is source. Usually it starts to begin to build a kind of momentum at this point and you start putting in transitions, connecting chunks, and put in caps NEED MORE HERE ABOUT X in parts where you see gaps. Then find some sources to plug gaps as needed. The last part you write is the Intro / Thesis and conclusion Make very sure you have citations correctly attributed, and delete anything from Works Cited you didn't use. Change to Courier font (takes up the most space) and cheat your margins in a tiny bit to get a bit more length. Voila! A completed essay. You may not win the Faulkner Prize but it will be over and you can get it off your plate and focus on your recovery. You can do it, even if you have to work in 20 minute blocks. Try it.

You are doing so well and I know you will beat this. Grad school is just a temporary blip on the screen of life. Stick it out and try to get the degree. When I was drinking I really had trouble finishing thesis / dissertation and didn't even give a **** by the end about what I was doing, but now I make a pretty good living using these skills and I am glad I didn't bail. Keep trying to eat well, sleep and exercise. Go into your office early before office mates arrive and do you grading in spurts--only 3-5 papers at at a time--give feedback but don't put final grade on except in pencil until you have 10-15 done so you calibrate accurately. Think of it as eating an academic elephant one not-so-tasty bite at a time. Hang in there

Acheleus

Yes my office sharer is an ahole and I feel dead in the program. Thanks Hawkeye I will work on the draft that way. It is just a draft, no grade, but I just began teaching this year and I am kind of losing it.