Teeny1967

I want to thank everyone for their support yesterday. I've been going over in my head how I can be tough and stand my ground. I know I am just a wuss and that is why he takes advantage of me. I know I need to stand my ground and just tell him like it is but I find it very difficult to be aggressive its just not in my nature. any suggestions? I know this sounds so trivial to everyone else's issues but I have no one else to talk to, thanks in advance... Teeny

Anna

Personally, I don't think you need to use tough love.

But, I think you do need to set boundaries for yourself that will protect you and keep you safe.

longbeachone

Tough love is hard because, well because it's tough! It's not called easy love. There is an old saying, that a "rule isn't a rule, unless it has teeth". I always try to remember this when I want to just give in, let things go, because it's easier. If there is no tv until homework is done, no dessert before dinner, no whatever, it's because there is a good reason behind the decision. Let it go, and bye bye to your rules. It's the same for simple rules like the ones I just wrote, or really tough rules like "If we catch you using drugs, we will kick you out". Rules must have teeth.

soberhawk

It is not about tough love, it is about you taking care of ourselves.

It does not come natural to everyone to be assertive and protecting their own bounderies – and if we have been in a relationship where our bounderies were not respected we can get to believe they do not matter – but they do.

There is a lot of experince in the Friend and familiy section, you should probably check that section also.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Take care Tenny.

Teeny1967

You are right his alcoholism has held our whole family hostage. just by the choices he made and threw the rules out the window. So I understand that I must set rules to protect me and the girls and if he knows the consequences and chooses to drink again then I have to stand firm with my decisions.

Dee74

Theres no need at all to be aggressive in my opinion - but like Anna says I think we do need to learn to set healthy boundaries and stick to them.

There's a lot of support here and in other places like AlAnon

D