I hope things may look a little different when you wake up tomorrow Marty.

D

Thank you for the honesty, Marty.

I hope you change your mind very very soon.

You really can be sober, it can be done. Sporting events, family issues, come hell or high water.

I used to hang out drunk on SR. Then I joined and tried to justify why I needed to continue drinking.

I was just so scared of real life. But drinking had become my life and it was so ugly and scary.

I allowed myself to put that burden down, one day at a time.

I'm newly sober, Day 37 only. It's still scary at times. But I think I like it. I learned I deserve a sober life.

I get the feeling that you don't think you deserve sobriety. But you do deserve it, just like we all do. Recovery is a gift.

I hope you stick around here, Marty.

There will always be a reason not to quit, that's why we drink so long. But there are also millions of reasons you should quit. I hope you get things figured out, Marty.

Marty, Many of us have been where you are at. Some advice, take it if you wish:

Get some help now, you can not do this alone it seems. AA, rehab, Dr, counselor, whatever. If you can not afford it, AA is free and the support can be wonderful.

Ask a mod or admin to change your screen name. Marty will do. Defining yourself as a drunk only reinforces your negative thoughts.

Your sports team's fate is out of your hands. If they win or lose it really does not matter. What matters is that you are around, you say the bottle is killing you. Yeah it is.... put it down, get some help and support, and take it one step at a time. Or you won't be around to see if the Red Sox win or not.

I say this, because I have been there. Been so close to the edge I look back in anger and tears what I did. I did not act out drunk in public. I was at home, alone, smashed beyond belief, drinking earlier and earlier... planning my exit from this planet.

I stepped back and it is the best thing I ever did. Can be for you too friend.

I think you should cancel the job interview and get into a 90-day medically supervised in-patient detox immediately. Anything short of that is likely to fail IMO based on what you have said. Your life is spiraling out of control. You are kidding yourself if you think you can handle a new investment banking job now.

Given the level of addiction you have detailed, you're standing on a house of cards. I don't think you have the luxury of further procrastination in this regard. And do realize you are trying to tell a bunch of recovering alcoholics that we don't understand. Yes, we do.

You want to put off something until tomorrow that you cannot do today. I imagine this is a very exciting time for you. I think the Red Sox have a way better chance of winning if you sober up! Wouldn't that be the ultimate TSN Turning Point...sobriety and the Sox in the World Series. You could watch and enjoy every moment lucid. In hockey, the "playoff beard" is pretty popular.

How bout "the playoff sobriety"? Your sobriety can be a lucky charm.

Marty, you can do this. Go to an AA meeting. The drive to my first AA meeting was the worst day of my life. I have been going for 5mo and now I feel it is the best thing I have ever done.I was drunk at my first two meeting. (Not fall down drunk, but a pretty good buzz) I sat there did not talk, just listened. I was sober by the 3rd meeting. Please don't think I'm suggesting going to an AA meeting drunk is a steller idea, but trust me, the people there know you are in a struggle for your life and they understand and care. You will not be judged! If you can sober up to get to a meeting great! If you can't, get a ride and just go! It is 60min out of your life and could very well save your life. It did mine. Don't think about it just go!

I agree with Groundhog Day.

I'm a big Sox fan too and enjoying my first playoffs in 34 years without alcohol. I can watch a game that starts at 8:30pm and stay awake for the entire game without passing out drunk on the sofa. Previous years, I'd be drunk and struggling before the first pitch.
And I don't have to check my phone in the morning to remember who won the previous night.
I'm actually enjoying the games far more without alcohol, in spite of thinking otherwise.
I'm feeling Boston Strong.

How much fun would it be to watch your team if they showed up to the game like you do, under the influence. Missing the ball, pitching all balls no strikes. Tripping on the way home. Then taking the field and missing easy pop flies, throwing for home into the bleachers.

How long would you watch drunks after the novelty wore off?

They would have even more reason to drink now by your reasoning right?

Marty, I get it. I am Itchy and I am a recovered alcoholic. I used to have all the right reasons for all the wrong decisions and activities too.

Groundhog Day has a great suggestion.

Thanks everyone I actually showed up semi sober for interview today, I only had 2 vodka tonics before hand to take edge off, but on ride home and once I got home I felt the need to celebrate for crushing interview. I realize I need help and constantly reading all your comments and threads. I will continue to read for advice and use this site as a resource and I will report back once Red Sox win World Series because I know I can not commit before hand, I am not ready. For most of ya this is like a anniversary or New Years every night for me as i love thr sox more than breathing which makes it to much of a hurdle off the gate For me to overcome outta the gate

One positive out of this mess I'm 4 days clean of not making one bet on sports, a record for me since I've started especially during football season. This is longest streak I've been during football season in last 4 years.

Near MY end, it was the self-loathing that got me willing to give AA a try. I could almost handle the drinking penalties....and prison was RIIIIIGHT around the corner for me....but that didn't scare me enough to go (to AA).

What did freak me out was this thought: "What if this never changes? I mean, what if I just keep on living like this for another........20, 30, 40, 50 years???" I already hated myself more than I thought humanly possible and couldn't stand being conscious with "me" around. The thought of enduring that for another 365 days in a row....and then to repeat that for several decades.... Man, there was just no escaping ME. Going to jail would get me away from booze (kinda) but there's no getting away from yourself. I was already in a prison of sorts......and I didn't see ANY way out - including AA.

I was told......and by some act of grace, I believed........that recovery is being able to live life sober AND happy.....forever. It's about a complete change in the way one thinks, views them-self and views the world. It's a complete change of perspective, beliefs and principles. And I was promised by people who understood me too well to not have had first-hand experience with the hell I was in that they were once in my shoes and now, that junk is way in the past. Recovery meant getting a life worth living......not just "no more drinking."

I stand here today with just over 6years under my belt and I'll tell you the same darn thing... you can have a life you enjoy, a life you respect, a life others respect. That never ending flow of self hatred can and will come to an end IF you're willing to do some stuff you probably won't understand and probably won't want to do.