Teeny1967

I just found this site today and I have read so many post that could have been written by me. My husband is an alcoholic. We have been married 29 years. He has been drinking 12 years with 2 years of sobriety in between. I left him 9 months ago but still saw him most days unless he was drinking. Two weeks ago he entered rehab (4th time). He is planning on staying 28 days. I want to go home (we have 3 daughters grown but still home) I think when he gets out it would be best for him to stay somewhere while we work on our marriage and more importantly his sobriety. If we can't work it out the house needs work before we sell it and move on. Am I right to feel this way? I love him but at the end of my rope with the alcohol. I don't mean to sound cruel but I am physically and mentally exhausted. Thanks in advance for you help.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Teeny
I don't think it's either cruel or wrong to feel the way you do - it just is.

If you feel you need space for you and your kids then personally I don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask him to find somewhere else to stay for a while until you see if he's committed to recovery this time and if you guys can work it out

D

Teeny1967

Thank you. Sometimes it helps to hear confirmation that what I'm feeling is ok. We had therapy together last week and the therapist made me think about me instead of him. He told me that I cannot say anything or do anything that would make ah drink or not drink. And deep down I knew that but when he made me say it out loud in front of my husband it just made more sense. This is just a crazy rollercoaster that is completely out of control. Thanks again for your kind words.

Hevyn

Hi Teeny. I'm so glad you came here for support & suggestions. (Please check out our Friends & Family Forum too.)

I completely agree with Dee. I've been through this, and I know how exhausted & shredded you feel. You need time to get your thoughts together & see how it's really going to be when he's out. Nothing selfish about that.

Mountainmanbob

nothing at all wrong with that
you sound very tired from it all
us drunks when drinking stress all around us out
it's very nice that you still wish to work on your marriage
but
nothing wrong with putting the law down
my wife did when I was drinking
I knew
get with the Program
or
be on your own

it was time for me I knew that

I hope that this is your husbands time to be and stay sober

Mountainman

Teeny1967

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. Im hoping for more therapy sessions. I really have hesitated ending our marriage but the alcoholism is definitely the deal breaker. I'm done with it. If he wants to make a go of it he will have to show me he is willing to do the work including meetings. (He's never really attended meetings before outside of treatment anyway)

least

There is nothing wrong with how you feel. You are mentally and physically exhausted. I see nothing wrong with setting boundaries when he's out of rehab. Your life counts! Take care of yourself.

Mountainmanbob

a few meetings a week can be of much help for the alcoholic

who has a true desire to stay sober

remember -- nothing wrong with tough love

sometimes it is just what the doctor ordered

best of luck goes out to you two

from - Mountainman

Anna

I hope that you can find some peace in your life.