Introducing myself. .
 

Hello, I'm Trish, age 43 and I'm an alcoholic. Recovering.. White knuckling it.. lol I've been lurking quietly on the forums for the last week. lol I've been clean and sober for 50 days. I'm already seeing a change in myself and my attitude.
I hadn't been drinking long.. Since November of 2012 but I made up for the short time by drinking to the point of blackouts every day. I guess it was may when I admitted to myself that I had a problem and my life was unmanageable. I tried to quit on my own so I wouldn't have to tell anyone I had a problem. Of course they already knew but being an alcoholic, I didn't see that. Lol Big time denial. I thought I was good at keeping the secret.. I tried detoxing on my own and as you can imagine, it didn't go well. lol I can laugh about it now but detoxing alone for me was HELL!! I think I tried 2 or 3 other times as well and never made it to the next day. I had finally hit the point where I had to have it in me at all times to keep the tremors and sweats under control. I wanted help so bad I just couldn't admit to others I needed help. I felt I was letting everyone down. See my brother was an alcoholic and so was my father. I was supposed to be the strong one and not drink. It was a heavy burden when I started drinking. My mom had went through it with my brother and I really didn't want to her to have to go through it with me too.. Then I got arrested for disorderly conduct and my secret was out. I went into rehab and I was so glad. Rehab made me feel so strong and confident I enjoyed actually enjoyed being there. I was finally getting the help I I needed. I felt like I was in a protective bubble and I was going to kick this diseases ass.. Yeah right.. lol Delusions of grandeur. I was drinking within a week of release. I didn't go to meetings. I didn't do a damn thing to help myself. And the problems that were at the root of my drinking were still there. So I bargained with myself. If I could have just one drink everyday I would be fine. It took a big 2 days before I was bottles. With this relapse my blackouts were getting worse. I lost my phone and embarrassed myself and my adult children. I could see the anger and disappointment in their eyes. I felt shame and I still didn't stop. I have 4 children. 3 boys and 1 girl. And out of the 4, my beautiful daughter wouldn't give up on me even though she should have. And to say thank you, I passed out in a bar and my 21 year old daughter had peel me off the floor.. that was 2 weeks before I stopped drinking. And after that, I still drank. And then on August 14th everything changed. I passed out in front of the bar and an ambulance had to be called. I almost died that night. Alcohol poisoning. My blood alcohol was close to 5 and I'm a very petite woman. It was eyeopening. Spent 3 days in the hospital. And what was the first thing I did after I was released? I went and bought a bottle.. How sad and crazy is that? I think I had lost my mind. And I still wonder if the night I almost died, if maybe I really wanted to die. I don't remember much from that night. I know that I was in a bad place when I started drinking. I guess I will never know. So back to rehab I went. And this time I stayed for 18 days and would have stayed longer if I could have.. and now I am 50 days sober and loving it! I have found a bit of peace and my spirituality is growing. I still have bad days and cravings.. when that happens I go to a meeting. I feel happy. Go figure..lol

Sorry this is so long lol just had a lot to say I guess. :) lol

What made you start drinking in 2012? Just wondering becuz I didn't start really drinking till I was about 45, I'm now 47, and like you it quickly spiraled down hill. In fact, your story is a lot like mine except I drank at home. My 2 boys also witnessed some terrible things (they're 21 and 18) and were in a state of shock, I think, becuz their mother, who had never really been a drinker and who they could always trust and reply on quickly turned into this out-of-control drunk who ended up in rehab and I couldn't explain why. Sorry, rambling...Welcome! This is a great support system..we have all been there to one degree or another.

Rely on..really, I have got to stop this pathetic typing!

Hello and welcome

First...congrats on 50 days! That's a wonderful achievement!

I am 42 years old...mom to a 6 year old daughter. I have been drinking since high school, but it became a daily habit after my daughter was born. Slowely progressed from having a couple glasses if wine each night to drinking in the morning before work. I have been sober now for 5 1/2 months, and loving my new life!

Hope you stay with us...this place is such an amazing source if strength!

Hi Trish, thank you for sharing with us. We have all been there in one way or another. I know I feel you on the blacking out and embarrassing our loved ones. What a great achievement to be sober 50 days! I am on day 1 myself and I can't wait to be able to say that for myself too! Keep it up :)

I'm sorry for posting in the wrong place.. lol I was trying to do this from my phone and the app.. lol Big mistake..

Anyways.. in 2012 my husband of 23 years decided to leave me.. Didn't even have anything to do with drinking.. I just wanted to be numb and bury the pain I felt.

50 days is awesome!! keep up the great work!! you are an inspiration!!

Great job on 50 days. I am 52 I didn't start drinking until I was 45, after the death of my Mom. I now have 301 days sober its good to be back to my non drinking life. Keep the good work.

hi and welcome Trish - great to have you here - and this looks like the right place to me :)
Congrats on your 50 days :)

D

:welcome to SR! I'm glad you joined the family. :hug:

Welcome Trish, congratulations on 50 days sober. Glad you have joined us. :)

Hi Trish, welcome to SR. I am a middle aged woman who only started hitting the bottle hard in my 40s, but I think the seeds were always there. I can imagine your children's shock when reliable mama spiralled out of control.
I've found SR to be a great tool for learning and support.

Welcome Toxicangel!

Hi Trisha, welcome, and thank you for having the courage to share your story warts and all. Congratulations on your first 50 days.
I am a 50 year old gran, I never realised until I found SR how many 'normal' people were drunks! I spend a lot of time in the '1 years and Under' group, plenty of people with a world of experience to share and understand. I wish you continuing success in your sobriety, spend some time visiting different threads, til you find some that make you feel warm and cozy!! Look forward to seeing you soon.

Hiya Trish

:welcome

Its so lovely to have you on board , and it just goes to prove there are no rules where alcohol is concerned.
You started late and it took hold of you , well we can hold you now :-)

So happy you have 50 days , stay close to us

Xxxxx