JN18

Hello there. My husband is addicted to pain killers. Currently I believe he's at 100mg/day. He tells me he cannot be honest with me about it because I am so judge mental. I will admit, I was, maybe I still am, I've been trying to get better. So I realize that 100mg a day isn't horrible compared to others. he has never been prescribed pain medicine in his life, meaning he's had no more or less pain that your average blue collar worker. After I had my son (4 years old) I realized that my percs were missing, ones prescribed from c-section. Since then it's been a constant battle/wonder if my husband is using. Earlier this year my husband came clean about cheating on me, with my supposed best friend. A 2+ year on again off again affair... One that I sensed immediately but it was denied by both parties. Well, this friend was also giving him her prescription pain killers, something he said is what kept him going back to her because she would hold onto them, giving him one days worth at a time. Once uncovered, my husband dropped her like a weight off his shoulders and never looked back. The pill thing was promised also to go away.
Fast forward 6 months, to today. He stopped for like 2 weeks then started back up again. His best friend is a pill dealer, on the side I guess you could say. (Both him and my husband are individually self employed and successful). When he stopped the first time, it was 3 days of misery for him, so me and my kids (3 and 4) did stuff without him. No biggie. That was like 4 months ago. In august of this year we argued and he said he would come off again, by end of September. We'll, it's October and he said this is the month to come off. So here's the deal. How the hell does this happen?! How does he come off? His best friend has access to the pills and WILL not say no to my husband. He agreed to let me hold his pills for the month so I could scale him down and wean him off, but we are 4 days into the month and he hasn't given them to me. These past 2 months my husband is taking Motrin, Advil, or some over the counter medicine for his root canal pain, leg pain, headache, or chin splints from his 2 weeks of trying to run with me -over a month ago- EVERYDAY. Everyday he has some other pain that supposedly opiates don't dull. I question his usage of over the counter pain meds, because if I take them 4 times a year, that's a lot. He freaks out on me over what I think are the littlest of questions, telling me that he hates me because I am so judge mental. I try to tell him that I don't know about this stuff and I can't help him off unless he tells me why he needs to take what.. I feel so hopeless, no approach I take works. He freaks out on me and I have no experience with this! Arguing has been bad lately, The last 2 years because of his guilty conscience and now this. He turns the tables on me and says there are things that he would like to change about me but he doesn't harp on them and rub them in my face.... Then he says that I'm so ugly to him because of the way we argue. I ALWAYS apologize first and tell him I'm sorry if I don't understand and that I really do want to help him, but he has to help me help him. The next argument he will say that my apologies don't mean anything to him because it's all fake... Ugh!!!!! Help!