lala34mc

Within any group there are going to be people you like and don't like. People who are a**holes and those that are wonderful and helpful. The rooms are no different. One of my friends, when I started going to meetings, told me to go to at least 10 different meetings before I made any decisions. At some meetings I wanted to poke my eyes out and at others I cried because I'd never felt so safe or understood.

Also, these two sound like people who may be members of the fellowship but not necessarily participants in the program . You can have 20 years of sobriety and never walked a single step. It's called a dry drunk.

BadCompany

Unable to? no. When a person stays sober in AA it means more than just staying sober. even if that person is only half listening in meetings and occasionally thumbing through the big book they are facing down demons they were trying to drink away just a few weeks before. That's what being sober means to me. If someone outside of AA says they are sober, I will probably say something positive, but I'm not really sure what that "sober" means to them. Are they smoking pot? Kicking their dog? Doing nothing? Lets face it, as people with a drinking problem, not drinking is what we should be doing, and if the solution to their drinking problem is to do nothing I am at a loss as to what I should be impressed with.

wpainterw

Clearlight wrote in part: "Hey, I've even run into Nudists, clothed , that swear the only way to live is nude. I wouldn't call that a negative experience with Nudism."
That makes me feel a lot better. I won't refuse to attend a nude AA meeting--as long as I can take my dog!
[Trying to give this thread a lighter touch. I know that I've got a better chance at sobriety if I stay fully clothed at all times!]

W.

wpainterw

Bad Company wrote: "Are they smoking pot? Kicking their dog? Doing nothing?"

I'm not smoking pot and I'm not kicking my dog. And the only fellow I ever knew who did "nothing" was Coolidge, and that was O.K. because "that's just what they elected him to do." Seriously, I don't expect anyone to be "impressed" with my "sobriety" or what ever they choose to call it. I was born in the Coolidge Administration and nearly everyone who might have been "impressed" is now dead. I'm alone with my dog. He may be my codependent enabler but he's never seen me take a drink and, if I've got anything to do with it, he never will.

W.

Mirage74

Why, exactly, is being sober in AA more impressive than out of AA? Does AA have a monopoly on getting sober (apparently, says (some) AA people)?

Dee74

There's a load of opinions I come across everyday, online and off, that I don't necessarily endorse, understand or agree with.

Some days in the course of my life I meet some awesome people. Other days are a bust.

I humbly suggest that this is not an AA issue at all, but a people issue.
It's also clear to me that the OP did not intend to start a ruckus.

Let's try to operate on those lines and keep cool heads here guys, or I'll have to close the thread.

thanks

D

BadCompany

No, AA does not have a monopoly on sobriety, but if you are not doing the AA thing, I have no point of reference. Just not drinking is done by many people every day. AA is about more than just not drinking. Whatever others outside of AA do is just fine, I just don't know what that is.

Alysheba

have had some interesting encounters at AA (good and not so good- kind of like life I guess). I'm glad I have SR, gives me a little time and perspective when needed.

fini

Katee,
i got sober with people in LifeRing Secular Recovery, mainly by using their on-line forum and one weekly meeting (they have on-line meetings if you're not in an area with meetings yet. check them out at The LifeRing Home Page | Sobriety, Secularity, Self-Help).
i started checking out AA in my third or fourth year of recovery, as the things i'd heard made much more sense to me then than at the beginning. there are also SMART meetings in many places.

in my first couple of months of face-to-face meetings, the one-hour focus on drink-talk served as a trigger for me every time, so i doubt whether the fact that your meeting is an AA one is the reason.

yes, you can get and stay sober in any number of ways.

YoungAndClean

This is so true. Drinking was only a symptom of the main problem, the disease of alcoholism/addiction. I have more respect for people who have had the courage, humility, and patience to work the 12 steps because those are individuals that I can relate to. I have no idea how anyone could stay sober with Sober Recovery alone, or with willpower. But apparently they can. Me on the other hand, well my willpower got me a seat in AA.

ProgressNotPerfection

65% of people that have drinking and drugging problems stop spontaneously. A curious statistic, I must say.

AA is a spiritual pathway through recovery. There are secular pathways through recovery as well and there are religious pathways through recovery.

The point is RECOVER!!

Explore, find out what works for you and go for it. Add this from here , that from there, a pinch of something else and a dab from this book and that webpage. Don't drink, don't drug and find new and positive solutions to old problems. There are a thousand billion pathways through recovery and the only wrong way to recover is not to.

For me A.A. works most of the time.

ScottFromWI

What's key is that it really doesn't matter if one cannot understand how others stay sober using a particular method, or lack thereof. What is important is how you (meaning an individual) stays sober. People got sober long before AA, AVRT, SR and many others even existed. And they will using methods none of us could even conceive sometime in the future.

Do what works for you.

KristyCat

Hi Phoenix. I'm sorry about your friends. I have to say it's not AA though. AA teaches people to be humble, accepting, and non-judgmental of people, especially newcomers. I would say they are not really following the teachings of AA if they are being arrogant and having the "it's my way or the highway" type of thinking.

AA isn't the only way to recover, but I would try not to let them turn you off from ever participating in it. It could be helpful to you, you never know.

croydonlad

Well if they are successfully not drinking by working out a way to do it themselves then that is a good achievement. They are achieving something positive rather than just doing nothing. In my eyes a positive achievement is a good thing.

croydonlad

Yes! You get people from all walks of life in AA and you are going to meet lots of different people with lots of different opinions.

It's a great organisation that helps a lot of people and people have different experiences based on the people they meet, not the organisation.

SkyeSea

Human nature is universal, whether people are in AA, RR or the Muppet fan club - there are always going to be good people and irritating people.
I actually think the diversity is a good thing - it would be a boring life if we all felt the same about everything.

Peace!

sugarbear1

There's more to what they didn't say.......than what they did say......

Let them know it bothered you and maybe sit down for a coffee and have a chat....

RobbyRobot

Interesting thread.

I'm of a mind sobriety is best defined by what is being lived rather then what is advertised or otherwise promoted by whoever. Experience is everything of course really goes without saying. The statements made by the two AA friends in the OP are trashy statements and difficult to make any positive use from is pretty clear to me too.

I have AA sobriety and I don't have difficulty with how others have their sobriety if they are happy and successful in their however chosen sober lifestyle - real happiness speaks for itself - and success brings on more success - and so both qualities are easy enough to see in others.

I think all too often AA folk get kinda defensive about their AA experience and when presented with a different appreciation of sobriety they default to defining their AA while at the same time implying sobrieties other then AA are less meaningful. A neat little trick is their saying that is fine it works for others, but for me, I only understand what works for me and I don't understand what works for others if it isn't AA.

Whatever. There is room for everybody - its a big world after all, lol.

I've learned through the years of my success that my appreciation of others is essential for my own appreciation of myself. I take joy and strength in my knowing there are more paths to happiness in sobriety then any one method/program/self/group/whatever - no one way will ever be the best way for everybody - and no one way will ever be the best of the best either. Sobriety is such a personal achievement such a wonderful freedom such an important game changer that all the rhetoric in the world amounts to a hill of beans when compared to each persons real-life day-to-day experiences with a non-drinking/sober lifestyle.

Speaking for myself - there are as many reference points for me to appreciate others both inside and outside AA as there are people - it really comes down to walking the walk with others as much as I can compared to otherwise walking around them as if they are somehow in my way or lacking whatever.

Fandy

OP started this thread to voice his frustration and comment that although these folks did not KNOW each other, they made similar comments.

the title was questioned, but there is no malice in it if you read through the first page of the threads.

he went on to add:

I should have also mentioned their other comments (not enough coffee apparently)

1 - If you are serious you need to commit to AA. Nobody can succeed without it.

2 - (Friend) When did you start going to meetings?
(Me) I don't go to meetings. I just chose to stop.
(Friend) Seriously? *sarcastic smile* You know that won't work long term.

Blah!

and got some positive feed back and discussion ensued...I get the general consensus that these people he mentioned his sobriety to were disapproving because he didn't participate and do what they did....they spoke condescendingly to him because he just stopped drinking...and stated the typical warnings we read about if you speak to people heavily enmeshed in the program.

for some of us, that is positive enough to just become a nondrinker and we are happy with that. I pretty much just stopped drinking to become less depressed and feel healthier.... I did not suffer as much from the abuse, but if I had kept it up I have no doubt that I would be worse.

there isn't a reason to make this thread something it isn't.

And btw, congrats on your 2 months also!!

Johnston

The vast majority of AA members are nice and not judgmental in my experience. Don't let the 1%'s get to you. They got their journey to travel.