soberhawk

I think it is sensible to give people encouragement when they are changing lifestyle, I can not see the point in telling them it will get a lot harder – they do in reality not know, so it is just says more about these to guys view on life than anything else.

jkb

I must say these people just don't sound like they are sending out very positive energy at all. I question anyone's motive who says "You MUST do this to stay sober because it worked for me". That is silly.

I have friends in and out of AA (which I am not involved with) and they are all just happy I am sober. One person is always ramming AA down my throat but, she never says I am going to drink without it. She just says I would be happier with it.

Anyway, if what you are doing is working then just ignore them.

Jess

Mizzuno

There are many roads to the same destination. You do not have to subscribe to anything that may not work for you, and that is the beauty of this life. What works for others may not work for you and that in no way means that you are going to fail. In one years time, you may see that your life has turned into something extraordinary. In my opinion, we as humans do not always stay "sick" because we have Alcoholism. This disease can be arrested and we can move on from being "Sick" to being very very healthy humans. I do not think for one moment that I am cured, but I understand what my Alcoholism can do to my life and therefore I stay away from drinking. Keep walking forward with positivity and light. We all inherently know what to do to live productively in this world. You can do anything that you put your mind too.

YoungAndClean

My opinion is that AA is a fellowship of men and women, therefore, there will be some people there whose opinions you do not like. It's like any religious, political, or cultural body of people, that usually have some degree of group-think, yet some members have flawed ways of thinking and character defects.

It's progress not perfection. If you go to AA enough you will hear some batty things being said, AA isn't for everyone. It's not a program that tells the newcomer ONLY what they want to hear. Nobody coddled me, and I'm glad they didn't because a couple of my defects are being overly-sensitive, and expecting others to bend-over-backwards to please my insecurities.

jkb

I think AA member's get bashed a lot because someone in AA said such and such.....That is not the stance of AA as a whole normally.

Like I said I don't normally attend AA. I was actively involved with it in the past however, and other than "old timers" stating their opinions quite adamantly I found that a lot of the members were nice enough.

What I will say is I NEVER bring up RR to an AA member unless I am sure they are open minded and vice-versa. My friends that go to AA I am quite careful to not compare/contrast methods with them.

For me it is along the lines of don't discuss politics, religion, abortion, and recovery method (lol) and we can stay friends. That is just what works for me. And if I find myself in a meeting I read or clean up after to show respect and say "thanks". After all staying sober is about far more than not drinking no matter what "program" I use.

longbeachone

You know, I don't think it's necessarily AA. There are traits that just sometimes go along with alcoholism, especially an attitude of seeming annoyed by EVERYTHING. It's like a long sobriety time gives them a pass card to be rude a$$ho]s. I think that they are transferring their own issues onto you. People I've met who have these issues aren't just arrogant about sobriety...no matter what you say, they have a snotty reply at hand:

Me: "My dog is sick, so I took him to the vet"
Them: "MY dog never gets sick. I was really irresponsible when I had just gotten sober too. Thank goodness my dog doesn't have to suffer like yours anymore!"

Me: "My husband and I went out for a beautiful French dinner last night"
Them: They probably used wine to cook. You need a new sobriety date because you actually drank last night. I never eat any food unless I am SURE it has not been cooked with alcohol. Sometimes I have to drill the waiter because they lie about it just to get you to order faster. I'll go into the kitchen at a restaurant to make SURE there is no alcohol!"

Me: "I'm really feeling so much better since I've been sober"
Them: You've only been sober for a few (weeks, days, hours, years...insert your number here). You're going to relapse soon. I can tell you haven't been working your steps properly. No offense, but you're a ticking time bomb.

I can spot these people a mile away, sometimes just by the smug look on their face. I've seen them at every type of recovery program I've been to, not just AA. I stay far, far away. Like I need their kind of advise anyway. AA even has a saying for this attitude (they have a saying for everything) that tells members to work their OWN programs.

Sorry you ran into these recovery bullies. I think you're progress is fantastic!

Mizzuno

I would like to point out with respect and love that you are not defective. You are a human being with human problems. Life is life. We have to roll with it. I don't want to run around thinking I am defective and applying negative thinking to this person that I am. This is not Ego or Pride, it is simply accepting that I am a human being. We all have our stuff. Yes, there are things to work on constantly. I like to think of the being perfectly imperfect

PaperDolls

I'm sorry you had that experience phoenix. It's a fact that some people are jerks and full of ego, in AA and out.


The title of this thread is somewhat concerning to me. I'm sure you didn't intend for this, but I think it invites people to talk about "Negative Encounters with AA members". It could quickly become a thread bashing AA and the people who attend.

How about we talk about negative encounters with people ..... just people? Or better yet ..... let's talk about positive encounters with people.

digdug

Some people who are recently sober from alcohol may be triggered by the regular talk surrounding alcohol use. That's what we generally talk about in AA. How it was, what happened, and how it is today.

But as comfort levels grow, we begin to realize 1) many of us share similar issues regarding our addictions, and 2) talking about it relieves that inner voice that drives us to drink against our will.

phoenix299

Thanks so much and yes, I agree. People are people :o)

I'm sorry the title was concerning to you. That was not my intent at all...I was just being honest and the truth is that the only negative comments I've received on my lifestyle change have come from people I know in 'AA'. In no way am I bashing AA or it's members. I am simply sharing my experience..

Fandy

what I coincidence! My dog (and cats) tell me the same thing, except he follows up by suggesting we go for a nice walk....He is a wise dog.

thanks for the chuckle....I am sober 2+ years with no AA or formal participation other than SR, another couple of websites, reading AVRT (although my plan is not really big) and reading Jason Vale's book.

I attended one AA meeting (as a guest when I was visiting a friend) and although it wasn't anything weird, (Connecticut people) it's not something I want at this time. the most *passionate* participants might be here? but you learn by reading too.

Wastinglife

Unfortunately, AA doesn't do personality screening to keep out the douche-bags haha

ClearLight

Yeah - the title of this thread reads as an invitation to bash AA to me as well. And I'm not a practicing member of AA either!

That said I've run into Christians that say the only way is their way - and yet I don't call that a negative experience with Christianity.

I've run into vegans and meat-eaters that both swear their way is the only way. I wouldn't call that a negative experience with Vegitarianism... or even carnivores.

Hey, I've even run into Nudists, clothed , that swear the only way to live is nude. I wouldn't call that a negative experience with Nudism.

The negative experience you had was with your friends - not AA.

Think about it.

Freebird13

Sometimes, I think when people say negative things, they are actually "projecting" and insecure.

AA is just one tool I have on my belt of recovery. I take what I need from AA and leave the rest. No matter where you go in life--AA included--there are going to be self righteous a-holes. There are going to be people who are over zealous in their beliefs. There are going to be people who play God (i.e. predict what is going to happen if you do or don't do this or that). You don't have to answer to them. The only person you are accountable to is yourself. To thine own self be true. And I wish you the best of luck on your sober journey.

BadCompany

Then what's the reason for this thread?

hypochondriac

That's excellent advice. My dog has had the biggest impact on my recovery, after this place.

Have you heard of AVRT Phoenix? There are plenty of alternatives to AA and the best AA members have no ulterior motive for you attending meetings. This just shows their own insecurities. In their defence they are probably just worried about you and I am sure it comes from a caring place, no matter how it comes across. And do bear in mind that you are probably hyper sensitive right now too...

PaperDolls

To be fair here -- I know that phoenix did not have any intention of bashing AA. It's clear by his post -- not the title on it's own -- but his post says it all. He was only sharing his experience.

The two people he encountered are not good examples of AA.

Carlotta

Maybe you should reconsider your criteria when it comes to calling someone a friend.
I call people who make condescending and negative comments "Acquaintances" or even better: "Jerks to be avoided as much as possible".
Unfortunately they are everywhere and can also be found in and out of the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Congratulations on 2 months and many more to come from an AA member

croydonlad

By writing this are you suggesting AA people are unable to congratulate non AA people for not drinking?

If someone is attempting to not drink and succeeding what is wrong with a bit of polite congratulations, encouragement and a pat on the head from an AA person to a non AA person? It's just kind and thoughtful.

croydonlad

I've tried AA a couple of times at a number of different groups and I have experienced the same.

There are people who have made me feel welcome and have tried to show me the way but there have been others who have been quite negative in their outlook for me right from early on without giving me a chance.

It's the latter who I also found tried to push the rules and steps on me as much as possible which made the whole thing seem quite cold and daunting and actually ended up pushing me away. These people then told me I had no hope when I, as a mixed up drunk trying to get help, was just running scared from them and AA as a result.

Having said that, AA works wonders for so many and has saved so many lives so I suppose it's just who you meet along the way. You've got to keep trying if you really want it.

I want to try AA again and have just started to read my Big Book once more.