kyara

I have a sponsor who I really like, however she is only home 2 weeks each month and the other 2 are spent away at her job. I keep being told how I need to work the steps, but she does not seem to have time for them. Can I do these alone? My counsellor tells me I need to work them in order to fully understand the program and make any good progress.
I have had others tell me I need to get a new sponsor, but I live in a really small town, and it took me a long time to find this particular sponsor. I just cannot seem to connect with many of the other women in a comfortable enough way. Plus with all of my crappy experiences with AA, I have a lot of trust issues with many of them. I am opening myself up to the idea of AA again, going in with a stronger attitude, not allowing people to walk all over me, hoping this helps me. I know a few of the old timer men that I would ask, but I keep being told I need a women. My husband has no issue with me working with a man and I have made it quite clear that I am very dedicated to my husband, so would I be able to work the steps with a man.

wakko

Although it is not suggested to work with the opposite sex as long as your husband is OK with it and there is a significant age difference, and the sponsors spouse is OK it might be worth trying.

Sobersunshine

A man, another women that you can trust if there is one, your current sponsor if possible--I do recommend you get someone to do the steps with you. It was only after I did the steps that I really felt free in sobriety. I balked a bit at doing them, but just do them best you can. You can always do them again!

I live in a small town too, so I know how it can be.

You do need to do them with someone else, but a lot of the work can be done on your own as well.

Good luck!

sugarbear1

Have you talked with your sponsor about this situation?

bi11fish

Like Sugarbear says talk to your sponsor! I was taught that a sponsor needs to guide me thru the steps (thoroughly followed our path). I could not do them without guidance. That being said I know people who have had sponsors of the opposite sex take them thru the steps when a suitable sponsor was not available. Whatever you decide just do the work and watch the miracle happen!!!!!

sugarbear1

My sponsor, for the last 2+ years is male....the other 3 women didn't work out for various reasons and this man was living the steps......

RobbyRobot

Renfrew is close to my hometown of Ottawa, and yeah its small town for sure although I'm not saying that means working the steps with a male is the best choice going forward for a female just starting out.

Gender isn't really the issue - its more a matter of the qualities of trust and intimacy around the players when working those steps - and often enough after time has played out a bit you'll perhaps appreciate how gender begins to make a difference.

I suggest you hold on to your female sponsor and fellowship/work the program with both male and female as much as possible as well as with your sponsor. You don't have to only go deep with your sponsor - you can honor your sponsor and still work with others too - and still be totally AA.

Seriously.

In any case, after you look back on your success with sobriety, you'll not be as concerned with genders as you need to be early on.