Black Bird

Hi everyone. I am 1 month and 18 days sober and I am feeling pretty good about my sobriety.

I have been in AA for almost 5mo, I like the people, I like what a lot of the people have to say, and for once, I'm making new friends. I really like that part.

I like my sponsor, she is very nice and attentive. She cares a great deal about my sobriety. I am a little frustrated that I have been working with her for 5mo, (I had a relapse) and we have yet to work the steps. But, going slow is not that big of a deal I guess. I am guessing because of the relapse she wants me to get some good time in?

Here is where I am starting to get confused. We have a little circle of AA friends, my sponsor is one of them. We get together at her house, talk, hang out etc... And I really like it. But, I can tell my sponsor has an issue with organized religion. (She has spoken badly about it a couple times.) Which is fine, but I am apart of one and would like to remain so.

I do have to say, I have become much more spiritual in my faith through AA.

I get the feeling that my sponsor is trying to get me to admit that my "faith" is part of my "problem" I don"t believe this is so. I believe that the lack of spirituality within my faith due to a brain full of alcohol was the problem.

In our group of AA friends, there are only 2 people who belong to an organised faith. A Muslim woman and Myself (my faith is a Christian faith) everyone else is a spiritual Christian or just Spiritual.

It seems being just spiritual is the way to go with this group. The Muslim woman was in tears about her religion, the rules etc...and my Sponsor was giving her options to go against her religion to feel better. The woman said she had no intentions of doing that, she just wanted to vent. Another woman pulled me aside and said, "There is no talking to her about religion, it drives me crazy!"

Now I don't feel comfortable speaking about my faith or spirituality at all with these people, even my sponsor. When I say how much I love my faith, I get a stone face head nod. When I talk about the spirituality of the universe. (Which I like to believe in too) I get a huge hug.

I am in a BB meeting with my Sponsor, and she REALLY loves the big book. I think it's great too. But she has called it "divinely inspired" on many occasions. That kind of freaks me out.

I am feeling depressed over this, and sometimes I feel I have to make up bad feelings about my "organised" faith just to fit in. And I have no bad feelings! I understand that's all my doing, but I feel so awkward.

Also I am starting to feel I don't want to talk at meetings anymore. I still want to go and listen, but I am feeling I have less and less in common with the people.

None of this would stop me from being friends with these people. They are great. I am just not sure about this recovery.

One of my thoughts is to go to some meetings to listen and keep being friends with the people. I would like to keep up with the BB study, but I would also like to just get to the steps, and then maybe find a counselor that can help me sort out my mind when needed.

I don't know. I feel really confused about the whole thing.
Thanks for reading.

GotGrace

Hi Blackbird! Can you talk to your sponsor one on one about how you are feeling? Maybe she just has no experience with organized religion/Christianity and is afraid she will offend you? But at least by talking to her about your faith and the strength it gives you will help her know where you stand.

soberhawk

Not all people are sensitive towards the differences in religious understanding.

A Muslim woman would be on edge with here religion in several aspects by attending AA and it is extremely insensitive of your sponsor to mingle in these issues – in my view.

I do not know AA or what the sponsors are used for, I would not trust her if she behaved this way – so she would probably not be a usable sponsor to me, if I was looking for one.

Black Bird

She was apart of an organized faith that she does not want anything to do with.
And I am fine with that. I am trying to be open minded, went to a meditation meeting where we did Zen like meditaion. It was cool, and I plan to add that to my life.
The emphasis on how organized religion is a sorce of the problem is something I hear a lot at meetings and from my sponsor. I have never had any problems with that. I had a problem of making alcohol my god. If I let go of this Sponsor, I really don't want another one. For some reason, I am not clicking anymore. Do counsler help in recovery?

seahorse661

I don't think you're getting what you need and deserve from your sponsor. Has she had many sponsees?
I would expect her to be encouraging you to work the steps. AA is a program of action and the steps are meant to help you get rid of personal issues which are detrimental to sobriety so you need to work them sooner rather than later.

Difference of opinion on issues of faith is acceptable but you shouldn't feel that your beliefs are disrespected. I would have a hard time if my sponsor wasn't following the AA guidelines

Nuudawn

Reading your post made me deeply uncomfortable regarding the practice of your sponsor airing her "personal" biases regarding religion..which is deeply personal. I think it is possible to expect too much from a sponsor as they are not a "trained" professional regarding what is and isn't appropriate. They are simply humans who have worked through the steps and have some sobriety to their credit. Although I am not a member of AA, I don't think there is sponsor training is there?

My therapist has been clean and sober 20+ years. She sobered up through AA. She ALSO has a master's degree in her field. She is integral to my recovery and I trust her given her credentials and my experience with her.

Isn't the very purpose of a sponsor to take you through the steps? What has been her role for the past 6 months?

Black Bird

She is considered one of the best sponsors by many people. I agree that I would think working the steps as soon as the person was willing would be key to the program. I'm not sure what I'm doing right now. Going to meetings and studying the BB. That's all I've been doing for the last 5mo.
I do read a ton, and I guess I'm doing the first three steps on my own.

Bird615

I don't know what to say. I'm a little appalled.

I think your sponsor is out of line with her views against your faith. Does she realize how uncomfortable you are? If what you believe works for you/helps you, doesn't jeopardize your sobriety or have any sort of a negative impact on your well-being, then she should at least respect that. She may be a good sponsor but this could be a case of you and her not being a good fit for each other.

The AA I'm familiar with includes tolerance and open-mindedness. Can you get another sponsor that you are more comfortable with and is at least more tolerant of your views? You also need to find someone that can start working on the steps with you. They don't need to be your best friend, but you should be able to trust them.

One guideline for choosing a sponsor is to find someone that has the kind of sobriety that you'd like to have. Also try and find someone active in the program and well-versed in the Big Book, the 12 Steps and the 12 Traditions.

I wish you the best.

awuh1

First, as people have mentioned above, your sponsor has been a bit slow in working the steps with you. This may be at the root why AA is not looking very appealing right now.

I suggest you be quite honest with her about how you feel. Tell her you are interested in doing the steps and are not willing to wait any longer unless she can provide you with a good explanation of why things are moving slowly. Consider also sharing that you are picking up a sense that she wishes you to change your beliefs about your religion. I would be open and honest about this. Let her know that you are uneasy about this. It does not need to be a conversation with a lot of conflict or anger, just a frank discussion of how you are feeling.

Go away from it without making up your mind (as much as possible) and then just reflect, asking the God of your understanding for guidance.

Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. AA is a good path. It just might not be the same route you thought it was going to be.

least

I've been seeing a counselor for five years now and she's been a tremendous help to me, not just in sobriety but in my whole life.

Your sponsor is supposed to walk you thru the steps, that's what a sponsor is for. Yours sounds too critical and isn't taking you thru the steps - why? I'd ask her that question.

Black Bird

Thanks everyone. I think your right. Telling her this is a good idea. I think I will look into counseling as well.

Mentium

Hi Blackbird. I am an atheist and have been going to AA for 6 weeks (and sober for that period) . I don't have a sponsor as yet - there seems no rush to get one here in the UK. I struggle with the programme a lot because of my views, which are as valued and personal to me as any religion. But I would never, if I was ever a sponsor, try to influence someone else's world view. I guess thinking about it, I would take great care in who I sponsored, if anyone at all. The fact is that AA is a spiritual movement - it is quite clear in the Big Book. I simply have to work my way around the issues as I believe them to have no basis in reality. That is my problem though not AA's, which is quite clear where it stands. Your sponsor should be too in my view.