JadeSatellite

Hi everybody, I have never posted here before, but I am trying to stop drinking and it hasn't been working very well. I was ok for a few days, but then I caved and bought wine. Nothing bad happened, but I don't like that I feel like a slave to a substance. Both my parents were addicts (dad died from heroin, mother is a prostitute and has been to rehab more times than I can count, which didn't do anything). I don't want to be this person who feels like they don't "feel" right when I am not drinking. I get anxious and the first thing I do is think of what I can drink to calm me down. I don't like that, I want to be in charge of myself and my feelings and urges. How do you get past the first few days, you guys?

losteverything

Hi Jade..
Welcome to SR. The first few days are the worst, believe that it does get easier eventually. I too hated being a slave to substances, these are just things, they dont call the shots. You are in charge of your own sobriety. If you feel like picking up, distract yourself with something else, anything else. Drink some tea, go for a walk, do some exercise, count pages in a book, whatever. Remember why you want to quit... you might just find you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.. Good luck, I am rooting for you.

JadeSatellite

Thank you for the support. It just feels like I can't do it - I tried for a few days then I was overcome by the horrible urge and craving to be *drunk* so I didn't have to feel anymore. I'm not good at coping with anxiety and panic, that may be why I medicate with alcohol. It's awful, looking at a bottle of wine that is empty and you think whether or not you should go get another. It's awful.

LadyBlue0527

I'm glad that you came here Jade, welcome!

losteverything said it. The first few days are the hardest. You have to do whatever is necessary to not cave.

Come here and post and read, do something, whatever it is that keeps you away from giving in to the urge. It does go away, you just have to keep your mind busy!

RightLAine

Hey! This is my first day back on this website....i joined back in March lasted a few days and then was drinking ever since 2 days ago. I know what you mean about feeling like a slave to a substance it sucks and is really hard. Alcohol has always been my go to solution. I have anxiety issues and I use alcohol to cope with them. Right now I am at work all I want is a drink bc I think it will help me not feel so shaky. My family has issues to. Its a great first step you are here. I find this site to be the most understanding resource there is. Good luck to you

JadeSatellite

I love your quote, LadyBlue - sorrow certainly does know how to swim, better than I in fact. What a horrible cycle, to feel bad about yourself and feel intense anxiety, just to drink and have that amplify things instead of sedate them.

Mizzuno

You can do this. Instead of telling yourself I cant, think "I can make it through this moment". Also, this fight does not have to be fought alone. Post on here and post often. Making it past the first few days are really hard for some people and I think having a strong support behind you will help. You can do this.

JadeSatellite

It just feels so hopeless, I have relied on alcohol for a few years and breaking that habit seems insurmountable. I'm not ragging on myself, just telling the truth of what I feel. I am getting help for anxiety and panicking, and they told me not to quit cold turkey because I could get seizures. And, so, what do I do? They said to taper off, and I know I can't ask for medical advice, but it feels like there's no end. How horrible is a life when it hinges on whether or not you can get a drink? I'm just so disappointed in myself. I didn't want to be my parents, and here I am, a drunk and alone.

soberhawk

I am sorry to hear it is hard Jade,

It will get better, but that does not help you much right now.

Do you have some methods you use to get through this?

I helped me a lot to go for a walk, even better go for a swim – I just seemed to be more calm if my body was a little tired – but there are different methods.

It can be done and you can do it.

Remember:

13unluckyforsom

Hi jade you can do this - believe this and it's a good head start for you. I'm sorry for your pain - I understand anxiety and the vicious cycle of drinking to numb the anxiety which in turn amplifies the anxiety. How crazy we are lol but your not alone and I think it really helps to know that. We all understand because we've either been there and done it or got the Tshirt. I hope you stick around.

doggonecarl

What kind of help? From whom?

KDBnSLC

Jade I would suggest going to see your doctor. The doc might help you detox a little easier. The first few days are the worst, as others have said. Hang in there it's worth it to be free.

JadeSatellite

I am seeing a nurse practitioner in a mobile health care bus every month. They have given me anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds to help combat my anxiety. I told them I was wary of taking them because it says to not drink, and they told me to taper off slowly. They said they would email me detox places but they never did. Also, I just got fired and I found a new job in a kitchen, and I won't have insurance to see a 'normal' doctor.

doggonecarl

Well, they are correct about the potential danger of seizure, but ill-informed about tapering. Not the concept of tapering, just the execution of tapering by an alcoholic. Nearly impossible unless the tapering is supervised.

Medical detox would be best, but you seem to have logistical issues. If you quit you should monitor your condition and be prepared to enter yourself into emergency care.

SoberChristy

I have been trying to quit for some time now too. I echo others that you should definitely try and see a doctor.

You should think about joining our October group. It's great support and accountability.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-2013-a.html

JadeSatellite

I just have no money, no car, and I am unsure of what to do. I can't stop working to detox, and I am in new territory. That's the basics - I need to work, I need to pay my bills, and I am trying to save to see a doctor or a psych but I can't afford it - they all want insurance and without it, I can't pay their rates. :/ I'm already seeing a free service for mental health, and that is about the best I can do. Meh - it's so hard in the Us.

ODAT11

God how I remember that feeling, Jade...my only thought is that this isn't a way to live.. Please get to a detox facility ASAP . I am praying for you. It's only 24 days for me today, and I am not going to lie..it's at times, very difficult but the alternative can't be an option any longer...I will die. I want this for you as much as I want it for myself. Stay in contact and seek all the help you can get, beauty..

SoberChristy

I'm in a similar situation, Jade. You are not alone! I live in WA state and called around. Rehabs were all way to expensive (I also do not have insurance). But I did find a FREE 3-day detox place to get over the worst of the symptoms. Perhaps Ohio has something similar?

Toomutch

Hi Jade, it is like some others have said important to stay busy. I joined SR in 2007 and was in great part due to the help, support and stories from others. I remained sober for 5 years and then relapsed a few months ago and came back. this is such a comforting place to be. You can do this Jade. Stay in the moment and try not to tell yourself you can't do this because of the anxiety. I too have mental problems that require me to take meds. All the med bottle say not to drink or it may intensify the effects and what not, so I can understand where you're coming from.

I will be thinking of you Keep posting...

JadeSatellite

You are all amazing, thank you so much for your amazing support. I hope to get better, and I really need to rely on others who feel the same way. Are there any other AA members who really don't like the meetings? I went a few times, and I really was averse to the whole "higher power" crap.... I want to change my behavior, and I don't need a god or HP too make it happen.... anyone else?