SadPandaBear

So here goes...I am an alcoholic married to an alcoholic. Wow, I've never "said" that before. We've been together 8, married for 5. We have been drinking buddies as long as I can remember.

My husband wasn't feeling well so we both had a recent period of sobriety that lasted 66 days but it all came to an end on the Sunday before Labor Day.

Since then, I've been drinking about 3-4 beers a day, even though I promised myself that I wasn't going to drink everyday anymore. I obviously have a problem and can't moderate like the rest of the non-drinking folks. So today is my day 2, again.

The thing is, hubby is not on board with me this time and he is drinking all day until 9pm when he passes out. This has me wondering if I am going to be his caretaker if he doesn't stop drinking? He's been trying to get me to drink with him and its not helping. I don't know if this marriage will work if I don't want to drink anymore.

Being sober for those 2 months really cleared my head about where I am in my life. I have a birthday coming up and the thought of turning 35 is also adding to my anxiety. I married someone who is older then me who doesn't want children and I'm starting to wonder if I've made good decisions. I'm starting to feel aweful when I hear of people I know getting pregnant or having children.

I try and stay off Facebook as it is severely depressing for me, seeing people live normal lives and spending time with their families. I feel very scared, depressed and alone. I don't have any family nearby or any support system. I've been leaning on booze for that. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time drinking and it's gotten me nowhere.

Thanks for reading

IWillWin

Welcome and you are not alone. Those were the most important words I heard when I dove into the pool with all these other sober folks.

I wish I wasn't so tired or I would write a more prolific response. But I can say this - being sober around a drunk is not easy and actually annoying most of the time. I personally can't even stand to talk on the phone with someone who has been drinking to excess. It may seem hypocritical considering I was that person for many and for a decent number of years. But it is the truth.

For me, I need a sober environment in my home. Luckily, my husband never was a drinker so I don't have that worry. I can tell you that if he was, he'd be living somewhere else. My sobriety is the most important thing. Even before my marriage and my career. It has to be. Or I would not survive for the long term without a drink.

Guess I wasn't too tired to type after all.

Best of luck and stick around - the other wise folks here will chime in sooner than later. That's what makes this place so special!

workingonwishes

SPB- it sounds like you have a lot of emotions surrounding both your marriage and your drinking right now, and they are separate but related issues.

having a partner who was/is a drinking buddy isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it shouldn't be the only thing you have in common. have you tried talking to him about the reasons you want to quit, or expressed concern for his unhealthy drinking patterns?

as far as facebook goes, remember people only show what they want you to see. it may look like the grass is always greener, but no one's life is perfect. that said, i too struggle with the same insecurities looking at facebook and comparing my life to others (and where i should be in my life according to societal "norms"). i tried to moderate facebook like i tried to moderate my drinking... and i was equally unsuccessful at it i might add! i ended up deactivating my account, and discovered the people in your life who are truly important will stay in contact with you with or without social networks

w2r

SPB, great post.
At the moment I think your number one concern is achieving your own sobriety.

advbike

I second that. You are right on track with your thinking in general and in wanting a clean, meaningful life, while you still have options. I also drank that amount and found it hindered my ability to grow and make healthy progress in life. That said, you need to be open with your husband. Talk to him about how his drinking makes it difficult for you to maintain sobriety and let him make his choice, but do not let him convince you to start drinking again. I did that for several years with someone who would not stop drinking in front of me and I finally had to move out.

SadPandaBear

I meant to start a new thread!