Helping my dad quit drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 2
Helping my dad quit drinking
Hi guys,
Not sure if this is the correct place to put this thread but as I've just joined I thought I'd put it here.
Two weeks ago my dad recently suffered sharp pains in his stomach - he was taken to the hospital and after a few days diagnosed with pancreatitis - the doctors immediately ruled out that this was caused by gall stones and put it down to his alcohol consumption.
This was obvious to me - my dad drinks every day after work mon-fri (usually a couple of glasses of whisky and a beer) and on weekends to excess.
He's coming out of the hospital tomorrow after more then 2 weeks there (usually pancreatitis takes 3-4 days to recover from they've said) so he's in a pretty bad state healthwise. It's pretty much certain that if he touches alcohol again he will die.
The doctors put him on a series of meds that I was told was basically a proper detoxing of alcohol from his body to help with the recovery. So as of right now, he has not had a drink for 16 days. He's been on painkillers and so forth the entire time while in hospital.
He has himself said that he never wants to drink again but I know it's not just a case of that. He's going to ask the doctors for some medication to help with the withdrawl but I don't know whether they will give anything to him or not.
I've reached out to this message board as I need help to support my dad to not drink again. I've read some articles online on ways to help including removing all alcohol from the house and any reminders of such (beer glasses etc.), making sure no-one drinks in front of him etc. but is there more I can do?
I think it won't be long before he gets bored and starts it all again so I feel I need to get him to substitute his drinking with something else. It's unlikely he will fill that void with exercise, eating sweet things as a substitute, smoking or other things that I've read addicts take up as a replacement. What can I do, or get him to try and do, during those moments when he would usually drink (after work and at weekends) to stop him turning to drink?
Not sure if this is the correct place to put this thread but as I've just joined I thought I'd put it here.
Two weeks ago my dad recently suffered sharp pains in his stomach - he was taken to the hospital and after a few days diagnosed with pancreatitis - the doctors immediately ruled out that this was caused by gall stones and put it down to his alcohol consumption.
This was obvious to me - my dad drinks every day after work mon-fri (usually a couple of glasses of whisky and a beer) and on weekends to excess.
He's coming out of the hospital tomorrow after more then 2 weeks there (usually pancreatitis takes 3-4 days to recover from they've said) so he's in a pretty bad state healthwise. It's pretty much certain that if he touches alcohol again he will die.
The doctors put him on a series of meds that I was told was basically a proper detoxing of alcohol from his body to help with the recovery. So as of right now, he has not had a drink for 16 days. He's been on painkillers and so forth the entire time while in hospital.
He has himself said that he never wants to drink again but I know it's not just a case of that. He's going to ask the doctors for some medication to help with the withdrawl but I don't know whether they will give anything to him or not.
I've reached out to this message board as I need help to support my dad to not drink again. I've read some articles online on ways to help including removing all alcohol from the house and any reminders of such (beer glasses etc.), making sure no-one drinks in front of him etc. but is there more I can do?
I think it won't be long before he gets bored and starts it all again so I feel I need to get him to substitute his drinking with something else. It's unlikely he will fill that void with exercise, eating sweet things as a substitute, smoking or other things that I've read addicts take up as a replacement. What can I do, or get him to try and do, during those moments when he would usually drink (after work and at weekends) to stop him turning to drink?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Got to give your dad a change to see if he will quit drinking. Your putting the horse before the cart. Just be supportive and try to help with him anything he needs. If he is serious then he will quit for good. Good Luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by ACT10Npack 
Got to give your dad a change to see if he will quit drinking. Your putting the horse before the cart. Just be supportive and try to help with him anything he needs. If he is serious then he will quit for good. Good Luck!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi logitec 
Welcome to SR
sounds like a lot of responsibility you're shouldering there.
I know it's hard to hear but whether or not your dad stays sober is entirely down to how much he wants it.
It needs to be his desire, not yours, y'know?
I hope he appreciates how much you love him and how much you'd do for him - that can be a great help and motivation for him to stay quit.
I hope you'll look at our Family and Friends forums too
D
Welcome to SR
sounds like a lot of responsibility you're shouldering there.
I know it's hard to hear but whether or not your dad stays sober is entirely down to how much he wants it.
It needs to be his desire, not yours, y'know?
I hope he appreciates how much you love him and how much you'd do for him - that can be a great help and motivation for him to stay quit.
I hope you'll look at our Family and Friends forums too
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome logitec. I'm sorry for what you've been going through with your dad. He's fortunate to have you looking out for him.
As Dee mentioned - we have a Friends & Family Forum where many have gone through a similar thing with their loved one. I hope your dad will decide he never wants to go back to his old way of life. Please keep posting & let us know how you're both doing.
As Dee mentioned - we have a Friends & Family Forum where many have gone through a similar thing with their loved one. I hope your dad will decide he never wants to go back to his old way of life. Please keep posting & let us know how you're both doing.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
You can be supportive of his desire to stop drinking but he has to 'do the work' himself. Do take a look at our friends and family forum for additional insight. 
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hi logitec,
My kids have an alcoholic mom and I had an alcoholic father, so I can answer your question from both of those perspectives. I've no idea if I'm "typical," but I suspect I'm not unusual in my struggles in both directions.
When my dad was forced into rehab by circumstances beyond his control, I asked the same questions. I wanted to have some control over the situation so that I could help him. The advice I was given then is the same you heard today, "He has to want to do the work and he has to do it." I was told not to question if he was using but to simply be supportive of him.
This is really really hard to do, I know, but it's sound advice. Love the man but let him make his own way, whichever way that is going to be.
My kids don't know the extent to which I've succumbed to alcohol, but they know enough to be frightened, angry and hurt when they get a glimpse of it. Frankly, and I'm sorry to say this, none of those things is helpful to me. In my lesser moments (and I've had too many of those), I've seen those reactions as stressful, and I use stress as one of the reasons I drink.
What I've realized is that my problem with drink is mine alone. It's not due to any external force, nor can it be changed by any external force. I can seek help and learn to accept it, but the true desire to overcome this problem and to actually believe I can succeed has to come from me. If your dad really wants to make a change, the best thing you can do is truly believe in his ability to do so.
I think that sounds grim, but as you see, I'm here trying and it's not the first time for me. There are a lot of people here who made many attempts to get sober and finally succeeded. I gotta think they're not the last of the lot!
My kids have an alcoholic mom and I had an alcoholic father, so I can answer your question from both of those perspectives. I've no idea if I'm "typical," but I suspect I'm not unusual in my struggles in both directions.
When my dad was forced into rehab by circumstances beyond his control, I asked the same questions. I wanted to have some control over the situation so that I could help him. The advice I was given then is the same you heard today, "He has to want to do the work and he has to do it." I was told not to question if he was using but to simply be supportive of him.
This is really really hard to do, I know, but it's sound advice. Love the man but let him make his own way, whichever way that is going to be.
My kids don't know the extent to which I've succumbed to alcohol, but they know enough to be frightened, angry and hurt when they get a glimpse of it. Frankly, and I'm sorry to say this, none of those things is helpful to me. In my lesser moments (and I've had too many of those), I've seen those reactions as stressful, and I use stress as one of the reasons I drink.
What I've realized is that my problem with drink is mine alone. It's not due to any external force, nor can it be changed by any external force. I can seek help and learn to accept it, but the true desire to overcome this problem and to actually believe I can succeed has to come from me. If your dad really wants to make a change, the best thing you can do is truly believe in his ability to do so.
I think that sounds grim, but as you see, I'm here trying and it's not the first time for me. There are a lot of people here who made many attempts to get sober and finally succeeded. I gotta think they're not the last of the lot!
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