Obladi

As you can see by my join date, I'm hardly a "newcomer" in calendar time, but I sure would like to be new in success.

To that end, I need to try some new things. I believe in the power of community and SR is a fine one, so I think some of you might be willing to help me out in just a small way?

In a few minutes, I'm heading for home. I will be out from the underground in about thirty minutes from then, preparing for my daily drive home - in which every route passes multiple liquor stores! If anyone is inclined to send me just a puff of "drive on by, Obladi," I know I would benefit from your collective mojo.

SkyeSea

Just think of those bottles as what they are - full of poisonous flammable liquid

Toomutch

i Found it helpful to flip a liquor store the bird one afternoon. Give it a try and don't stop.

Dee74

I know you have it in you to make the right choice OB. Welcome back

D

least

Be strong when you pass those stores. You don't need alcohol. It's a toxic liquid that will hurt you before it kills you.

Obladi

Thanks guys, I knew I could count on you. I also know today is the "easy" day. It will get more difficult and I will need to work to overcome the part of me that hates to ask for help when I most need it.

Too bad self-knowledge alone doesn't do the trick, eh? But it's a good tool to keep in the arsenal and actually employ in a useful way.

As luck would have it, I hit the stoplight nearest the liquor store whilst in the turn lane, could have taken that quick right and "voila." I just took note of that dumb luck, shrugged, and drove along home.

Will try to remember to travel in the other lane tomorrow.

Mizzuno

OBLADI!!! Drive on by friend. Then when you make it home, please post on here. I will be looking for ya!

(I see you already made it.

No sense in erasing the positive message.

Obladi

I like your thinking.
Keep the good mojo flowing, my friend.
I might have the need to bottle it for a rainy day.

Hevyn

Happy to see you Obladi! That poison hasn't done a thing but bring us misery and terrible times. Get free of it - we know you can.

freshstart57

Next urge or craving that you get, sit it down and stare at it. Recognize the heck out of it and know it for what it is - the pathetic whimpering of a dying addiction. It is powerless, and will disappear in just a minute, as you watch.

I'd also like to offer my thanks to you for 'voila', and not walaa, whala, walah, wahlah. Thanks, eh?

Chow.

LadyBlue0527

Great post Obladi! I did the very same once when in a bad spot and knew everyone here was with me. It was a big difference.

SR is the best!

Obladi

Good plan, Fresh. The good news is I'm not afraid of IT anymore. But I'm not so solid with the 110% confidence level. I read someone the other day who said, "Sit and don't get up until the urge passes, no matter what. Pee your pants if you must, but do not get up." Now there's a fine reason to NEVER stall on the bathroom breaks.

And you're quite welcome. I'm pretty good at spelling, though I don't know if I ever won the bee.
Check in frequently for surprising and delightful uses of what a former coworker of mine called "those big college words."

Mizzuno

I believe your confidence will grow and grow as you travel on this journey. Keep walking forward Obladi. You are not alone at all!

Nuudawn

Well, that part of you was the same part that medicated "on your own" with booze. I used to pride myself on being some sort of island...didn't need nothing from nobody. Somewhere along the line I think I realized (for me), I didn't hate asking for help...I was just actually scared too. I didn't want to "bother" anyone or be "rejected" with a no. It was simply easier on my ego to rely on nobody but myself and tell myself I was strong. Nope..I was just a big ole coward and it was my cowardice I hated and did everything in my power to deny.

ReadyAtLast

good to see you back Obladi

Obladi

Nuudawn, I was reared to be that island and it's a mighty difficult thing to reverse, to transform the false pride of martyrdom to true humility. Thank you for your succinct summary - I'm not sure I've ever been able to see that trait quite so clearly until now.

Heya, ReadyAtLast. It's good to be here.

Sent from my iPod touch using SoberRecovery

Obladi

Ok, ready to head home.

Have some general anxiety about what it may be when I get there, but will just go with the flow while staying in the inside lane. One of my habits that needs some bending is this anticipation of what might happen (and what it might be is always bad). Better is to remain open to what it may be. See signature for affirmation

In any event, here's what I would like to figure out: how does one sufficiently be prepared for anything without having to think about what those anythings might be? I feel like I'm frequently caught off-guard with the behavior of my teenage children and my initial response to "whatever" is off. It may then take me hours to figure out what the better reaction would have been. When I discuss some of these events with other people, they get to the right/more sound conclusion in an instant.

I'm a slow thinker?
Have poor social learning?
I'm not sure if I can really do anything about this, but it would be nice to figure out.
Because wouldn't developing that skill help me to grow in my ability to stare down the beast in a minute rather than risking doing it over hours?

Any thoughts?

freshstart57

I relate completely to this, Obladi. I remember reacting immediately to stuff, and my reactions were emotional and usually not helpful to me.

Here is a thing that helped me and has become subconscious now, almost. I try to simply recognize my feeling or emotion by describing it to myself. This gives me some emotional space around my feelings, so that I get to think before I react by feeling hurt or angry or frustrated or ignored, or any of those things that sets me off. It is part of 'mindfulness', recognizing and accepting feelings before getting swept away in a whirlwind of negative self talk. Lots of info on the web about mindfulness for you to find.

Obladi

Ok, I had need to leave the house this evening and naturally the AV has started in on me. I will be out for am hour or so and will then need to make the trek home. Will sit a few minutes looking at the breast now and will try so again on the way home. I knew this would come on soon. Still not feeling 100% confident. . .

Fresh, thanks.
So you learned to just stop in your tracks?
Hard to do with teenagers - they can be relentless.
I do know on my strong days I can put emotion aside and resist getting pulled into their drama.
This is mindfulness?

freshstart57

I somehow survived those years, Obladi, and you will too. I think it is not so much setting emotion aside, but accepting that you will feel a certain way in a particular situation, and as it is happening. Awareness and acceptance without judgement. I think it is like being able to watch yourself like a fly on the wall, there is a separation aspect to it too. Sorta zen, sorta AVRT, I guess.