Malachi

Back to Day 1. I had 30 days yesterday. I was starting to feel good. I was avoiding dangerous situations. Then last night, the night of Day 30, I had a glass of wine. I'm at work so I can't get into the details right now, but I feel terrible. Last time I had between 30 and 40-something days when I slipped. I don't want to keep doing this! Sober life is so much better. Anyway, this evening when I get home I'm going to review my recovery action plan and analyze why and how it failed, and make the necessary changes. Thanks for reading. I don't comment much because I don't think I have much to offer in the way of advice, but just reading everyone's posts has given me a lot of hope. Thanks again.

SkyeSea

Ok, so you had 30 days and then one glass of wine? I would consider that more of a 'blip' than anything. Nothing can take away the 30 days of practice can they
Anyhow, day 1 on the first of a month is not so bad

13unluckyforsom

I second that - you now know you can do this - you know that nothing good will ever come from drinking you have to stop.

I would say that all insight is valuable and your probably underestimating your worth when you dismiss your ability to help anyone

I hope you can come back soon and talk properly with us. It might help.

lorelei

I agree, see it as a blip, and get back on, in fact I dont think id go back to day 1, but thats just me, 1 glass of wine doesnt wipe away your month, not at all, let it reinforce your determination to keep AF xx

gatorgirl67

Malachi, I agree with Lorelei!! I slipped at 12 days with one glass of wine, but let that lead to a few more over the weekend. Wish I had stopped at one!

You're doing great, keep your chin up!!

GGirl

Raider

30 days wow. That is something to be proud of! What an inspiration.

lessgravity

I think it's silly to "reset" if you had one glass of wine. It's a mistake yes, and DO NOT let it flip the switch back to drinking - but if that's all it was then I think you need to just see it like roadkill on your way to sobriety.

Malachi

Thank you all! Yes, I am determined to learn from this, and re-strengthen my resolve to not drink anymore.

Malachi

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. They mean more to me than you might realize.

wakko

Never give up giving up. What was your plan and where did it fail. Resolve is important but it never was enough to keep me sober.

longbeachone

Don't call yourself a failure, or say that you have failed because of a small relapse. 30 days is great. What if you were learning to ice skate, and after a few shaky turns around the rink developed a bit of skill. Before you knew it you had skated around 30 times. Then oops! You fell on your bottom. Are you a failure? Must you go back to that shaky hesitant beginner trying to navigate the ice? Not if you get straight up and push on forward. A slip here, or a lapse there is not what anyone wants, but like it or not, it's a part of the process. Just keep moving forward, practice your skills, refine your methods. Before you know it, you'll be flying over the ice, jumping and spinning, enjoying the new freedom of a life lived without chains.

You aren't a failure...you're a winner!

Malachi

Yeah I'm realizing that resolve and willpower aren't going to be enough. The resolve I feel on Day 1 always wanes eventually. That's where I need my recovery plan to keep me going. I guess right now I'm realizing I can't just stop drinking and let other aspects of my life remain the same. I do feel like I am making improvements in other areas of my life, albeit slowly, but what I'm having the most trouble with is seeing my friends. Some of them are just drinking buddies, and I've accepted that the only thing we really had in common was our drinking, so if those relationships disappear I'm okay with that. But my actual real friends, as well-meaning as they are, don't seem to understand my problem. They keep saying, "oh you're not an alcoholic, have a drink." So my next step is to sit down with them and tell them flat-out that I respectfully disagree, and to please respect my decision. If they continue to undermine me, then I will have to limit their presence in my life. I'm actually going to grab tea with one of them tomorrow evening.

I also need to not put myself in a position to be around alcohol so early in my sobriety, and not give in to those permission-giving thoughts.

Malachi

This is such a PERFECT analogy, thanks longbeachone.

Dee74

Welcome back Malachi

I'm gonna go slightly against the trend here

don't beat yourself up, certainly, but don't pay it no mind either - it might be a blip but it's a regular recurring blip....

if 30-40 days continues to be a problem for you, I'd agree that you need to look at whats going wrong with your personal recovery programme, Malachi

D

LadyBlue0527

I like this!

You know what to do, hop to it

Malachi

Dee, I know we are all different so it may be difficult to offer specific advice, but do you have any general advice for what I can do so that this doesn't occur again? Thx.

Thanks LadyBlue!

Dee74

I guess it depends on what happens to you in this period Malachi.

what was going through your mind in the hours and days before you took the drink - were you bored, complacent, scared? were you tired of being different? tired of the effort of being diligent?

if I knew that a certain time period was my nemesis I'll probably beef up my support and efforts to stay sober around that time?

are there events people or things in your life that lead you back to drinking? can you change those elements?

D

Amajorityofone

Sorry, but this line in your post stuck out like a bat out of hell. Unfortunately, and I say this with love, after more than thirteen and a half months in the sober saddle, I could not disagree more.

Sooner or later we all reach that point which the only thing that keeps us sober is our will to stay sober! You must strengthen your will to stay sober until it becomes the disposition to stay sober. This is why I never commit to anything beyond this day. For I never have any idea what this day will ultimately bring.

Here is poem I read often for inspiration.
Good luck and God Bless



If....


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

-Rudyard Kipling

instant

There are always "reasons" to drink. In my experience it was when I was feeling better again, and on a roll that I kept stumbling. Thinking "everything will be fine, and it wasn't a big deal" now ring alarm bells for me. Until I worked out how to understand when I was "centred" in my recovery I was in most danger when I thought I was at the least.

Have you read about AVRT/rational recovery- I found the concepts helpful

Toffee1

I have been in same boat as you. You get sober 30 or more days never been a problem then something triggers me. I actually think it is because things are going well ! I probably feel great at the time things going well at work and socially, you know everything is great and I just want to top it off with some beer or wine . To make me feel even better! I associate happiness and alcohol.you know how you always celebrate . With alcohol of course!!. I now use my AV technique and realise the monster is starting to get desperate. He is going to have to be subtle to beat me now . Think about this monster when you are tempted and realise this is one of the games he plays ,analyse what he is doing and then calmly tell him where to go!! Hope this helps in some way.