Surrender
 

So I am going to have to check in on here every day. Going to a meeting tonight, found a sponsor yesterday, and I am going to the doctor tomorrow. I'm not sure what is happening to me but I want to be sober more than I want to be drunk, and I never want to black out again and forget what I am doing. All I want is defense against alcohol, so I am going to teach, like I did today, and go to class, and finish my degree but I am going to just have to make a support group in AA because I don't have anyone else in this town to talk to. My mind is so scrambled with stress and fatigue, I cannot think because I am so tired of school, and all I want is a chance to relax. I wish I could drop out of school and go to a treatment center for 90 days, but I am going to have to do this with SR, AA, my sponsor, and self-discipline. I'm not going back to drinking.

I'm glad you're looking at all angles Ach. Sounds like the way to go to me :)

D

You've mentioned treatment a couple times. It seems that you are strongly committed to recovery, and I am not sure you need all this:


What Treatment Can provide
(from Lake Chelan Community Hospital, Washington, 2007)

1. Treatment can help you through withdrawal
a. Provide health monitoring by medical staff
b. Provide support and encouragement by peers and staff
c. Provide therapeutic environment by Chemical Dependency Counselors
d. Provide assistance from support staff

2. Treatment can offer hope
a. I can change
b. I can have personal empowerment
c. I can participate in my recovery
d. I can communicate honestly in my relationships

3. Treatment can offer a forum in which to interact with other addicts/alcoholics
a. I am not alone
b. I am not bad
c. I have a disease
d. Others have it too
e. I can talk and listen freely with my peer group and counselors

5. Treatment can teach alternative methods and coping skills
a. I can learn to communicate my needs.
b. I can talk through my problems
c. I can identify and own my feelings
d. I can be individual and interdependent
e. I can learn to think of alternatives rather than compulsively react
f. I can have choices and evaluate consequences of those choices

6. Treatment provides a supportive environment
a. I am safe
b. Therapists, counselors, doctors and nurses are supportive of my recovery
c. My family can receive help through the family program
d. There are role models of recovery and mentors in treatment

Well done ach - I've not been around lately but I'm glad your still trying :) you need this. I only ever went to one meeting but I thought sponsor finding would be a long process - this is a question not a statement.. How did this happen? How does sponsoring 'happen' I guess I'm asking. Thanks

Sounds like a good plan. Wishing you best of luck.

I just get two weeks, three weeks, then forget about the humiliation from weeks before. Meetings every day are essential for me because I just...I'm crying because I am sick of thinking drinking is going to bring me something positive. It never gives, it only takes. Or I take from myself. I guess that is another way to put it.

I just went up to an old timer and asked him. He said your sponsor should not be your friend.

So you never had a connection with him? I'm figuring if I'm going to be phoning someone when I'm at my most fragile state then they have to be on my spectrum...

I just need someone to call now, I am desperate.

Hi Ache! You sound great! You really sound very positive here. Good for you! Go for it!! Also, I hope you had a great birthday weekend!!

I'm glad you're finding your way on this sober journey. :hug:

I am frustrated at you like I am myself.. It seems so simple but impossible at the same time. I shouldn't have been nasty to you.. I'm sorry - I'm boring myself basically with my excuses for drinking. I shouldn't have projected it on you.

This is such great news. Sponsor shouldn't be your friend. He is your guide to the program. Follow suggestions willingly and you can make it like so many others.

A nice thing I've found is that if you dedicate to meetings everyday, people will start noticing and remembering you. They will come up and talk to you. Sometimes people in AA are a bit hesitant of newcomers because they see them once and the person never comes back. I know it's wrong. The newcomer is supposed to be the most important person in the room. But it happens. But your dedication will go a long way to becoming a part of the community.

If you need to call someone, get numbers from your AA group. Ask your sponsor if he has any suggestions of people to call when he's not around. People get it in their minds that they are bothering someone by making a call. The fact is, people don't give out their numbers if they don't want to be called. I know it may seem counterintuitive, but you calling them, even in your desperation, helps them stay sober.

Keep checking in. We are rooting for you!

Ach - the idea of a sponsor not being a friend is not perhaps what it sounds like. As I understand it, it is best if it is someone who will tell you how they see things straight and without too much sensitivity about 'telling it like it is'. 'Friends' sometimes hold back for fear of hurting one's feelings. Sometimes that simply isn't what is needed.

Relationships between sponsor and the sponsored are often, I am told, very close and pretty intimate.

Good for you Ach!!!

That is what the 1-800 on the back of your white chip is for. They will talk to you and provide you a temp sponsor. The local AA groups channel the hotlines - so it will be a sponsor in your area.

Three weeks was when I relapsed last time. They said after 30-60 days it is much much better. I'm in the same boat. But I pushed through that 3 week potential bottom out.

Ach , well done in taking this step , you sound like you have had a gutful. This time is when we feel at our lowest , in despair. You have recognised it , am sick of yourself , sick of the cycle and sick n tired of being sick n tired.
Today is your day to begin.
We are here for you every step of the way.
Congrats , you have a good plan in order xxxxx

:ring

good on you Ach, hang in there, sounds like you are committed to your recovery. I'm proud and inspired by your post. Good luck!

I'm thinking it is sort of like your relationship with a doctor or therapist...someone you trust and look to for guidance and knowledge but not exactly a friend...

Hi , Ach ..Its good you have more support. Me too,

unlucky : During the meeting there comes a time when anyone interested in being a sponsor is asked to raise their hand. After the meeting you approach the person and ask them.
I just took a sponsor tonight and a home group.