tpoint

I was so proud of myself that i'd managed to be sober for a relatively long period of time. I found new sober friends and life was starting to get better. My self-respect was gradually coming back and I was walking around with my head held up high.

...and then a few months ago during a stress-full period, which involved moving to a new city - I relapsed big time. I guess I just wanted to feel normal and falsely believed I needed alcohol as a social prop to meet new people, in a new environment.

Now my weekly binge drinking has pulled me back to rock bottom. Even though I don't think I will kill myself, the reoccurring suicidal feelings are almost unbearable. Also i'm scared of what I will do when I am so wasted as most of my drinking sessions end in blackouts. I just want this **** to end.

When you are sober, you really are just one drink from devastation. God I hope this can be a learning curve for me.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Tpoint. I had a similar relapse after a relatively long period of sobriety last year. The good news is you can absolutely get back to where you were and stay sober. Perhaps you should look at a more formal method of support this time around?

tpoint

Hi Scott, when you say more formal method of support, do you mean AA or have you something else in mind?

PippoRossi

Oh, tpoint ****{hugs}}}. I can TOTALLY relate. The first time I got sober it was for a 9 month period of time. I planned on when I was going to start drinking, again, (during a big celebration) but thought I could moderate. That didn't work and for the next 8 months my drinking spiralled out of control much like yours did. The good news is that I got sober, again, and it's been more than one year now. If you really want this, you can do it. Read and post here often!

tpoint

Thanks PippoRossi, it's good to hear a similar story.

I feel so ashamed and disappointed that I didn't make 12 months. I will read and try to post often. Last time, this site was an important tool to help me focus on recovery.

lorelei

hey Tpoint, I relapsed after 18 mths, you aren't alone, get back on the big old ship SR x

Louise82

Welcome back tpoint. The method of support I use happens to be AA and it's helping me learn how to manage stress but there are many other shows in town - Rational Recovery, LifeRing, SMART Recovery. There's a lot of information about the various recovery methods on the forums here. Read around and ask questions here and on the subforums dedicated to different recovery approaches.

HeadLump

Oh, Tpoint From all I've seen and read on here, this seems to be a learning curve for every alcoholic. There is no shame in it for you. The main thing to do now is to get right back on that sober horse again.

You're not alone, we are all rooting for you!

tpoint

Thanks lorelei, do you have a plan in place to avoid the same mistake? I obviously became complacent after 10 months. I really don't want to make the same mistake twice - I don't think my sanity could take it.

jdooner

tpoint - my sponsor relapsed after 3 yrs and felt all the shame. He was in AA but never bothered to go through the steps and embraced the higher power. As Scott points out the structured programs have benefits and the numbers speak for themselves (over 50% recovery for AA). You may want to see a therapist to deal with the suicidal thoughts if they get too much...keep in mind you have been dousing your brain with a depressant after it was healing so its a shock to the system now. Help is here in many forms.

tpoint

Thanks Louise8 & HeadLump. I will look into SMART Recovery as that's a method i've seen crop up a few times. I've been to AA twice but unfortunately it doesn't feel the right fit for me.

ScottFromWI

I didn't have a specific plan/program in mind, but AA could certainly be one of them. There's lots of info here about AA/NA/12 step as well as many of the Secular/Non step methods like AVRT, Life Ring, etc... What did you use to stay sober those 10 months? That's a pretty good amount of sober time.

least

I credit my sobriety to the good people here and my addiction counselor. It's been working for almost four years now.

Freebird13

It doesn't matter how long you have been sober--one day or 10 years--the chances of relapsing are there. At one time, I relapsed after 2 years of sobriety. The difference between then and now is I have a structured plan for recovery (AA). And I believe the chance of relapsing diminishes if you have a structured plan for recovery as well as a solid support network.

MN81713

Wow, that many months and still a pull?? I still have to give u Congrats on your time...I am still trying to figure out how to get to 30 days, obviously, don't have much advice, but you did it for that long and that deserves a