Bad moods before parties
 

Hi all,
I feel like this isn't even a question, more just to get it off my shoulders. I'm 90 days sober, and lately, I realize I get into a really bad mood before parties. I know I'm not going to drink - it's completely off the table for me, but right now, I'm just super pissy as we are hosting a party in an hour. I had to send my family away on errands so I could be alone. I don't even know what to do with myself to break my mood. I think it's my social anxiety, and you might say, "then why are you throwing a party??" but social times are important to me - they are mostly rewarding while and after they happen, but the lead up time is yuck for me. I anticipate the stupid questions about my lack of drinking, and I often feel uncomfortable in larger groups - like it's overwhelming.
I'm just feeling down right now, and a little out of control over my feelings...

Thanks for being here...

I'm sorry you are feeling that way. Those feelings suck. I know them too well. My husband and I were once very social - going to and hosting lots of parties. Two years ago we had to move for my husband's job to a new state. I have tread very carefully on my social life here, as I felt the parties were a big trigger to my over-drinking. I don't miss the very active social life nearly as much as I thought I would. I get pangs every once in a while, but I feel like I have more freedom and less expectations and that feels good. Bottom line is, I have weighed in on how I spend my time. I am more conscious about my choices and I am honest with myself of what is really important to me and not so much as to what I think should be important to me.

Everything I have read here has said that those anxiety feelings will pass, so you are going to be just fine no matter how you proceed with your social life. :)

I go out less than I did before I stopped drinking and that's okay with me. I do have social anxiety and struggle in groups where I don't know people well. And, that's okay too, but I don't want to do it too often.

Remember, you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are not drinking alcohol. It's actually a rude question, I think.

Congrats on your sober time.:) Keep moving forward and it will get better.

I would not be willing to put myself in your sitiation. For me it would be a relaspe waiting to happen

I'm much less social too.

I used to say I loved parties but the truth was I loved the social sanction to drink as much as I wanted.

Then, when I got sober, being around people drinking really got me resentful.

Those two things made me not a very good party guest (or host as the case may be)


I'm actually a homebody and I'm comfortable with that now. It's me.

But if you like being around people thats great too - but why not do other things that aren't so alcoholically centered?

go to the movies, get involved in team sports, go out for a pizza, even host a small intimate dinner party instead?.

D

I'm also less social since stopping drinking and very uncomfortable in groups. I don't like being around people drinking heavily either, not because it triggers me anymore butbecause there are other,more enjoyable things I'd rather be doing with my time.

Maybe your tastes are changing now you're sober. If it is causing you such pain and worry maybe take a step back and re-consider if this is something you really want. I kow what I used to like when drinking isn't what I like doing now

Like you in the early days/weeks/months of sobriety I was determined not to let my sobriety impact my social life. I went to parties, clubs, after work drinks, corporate entertaining... I utterly regret doing that now. It was tough and there was no need to put myself through that in early sobriety.

It doesn't have to be the case that you are less social sober. I enjoy socialising now, though it is totally different from how I did it when I was drinking. And it took me til 8 months sober to get through a party without resentments about others drinking or just feeling really narky. A lot of that anger could have been just a side effect from quitting, like a kid whose dummy has just been taken away. This afternoon I went to a pub for a few hours and apart from disliking the smell of other people's beer it really doesn't effect me anymore. Maybe in time you will feel better too. But maybe don't put too much pressure on yourself this early on x

For me, getting through an event/party sober is just like doing a job.

I have to put my happy non drinking face on, be armed with things to talk about, try to tolerate ridiculously drunk people, and I often give myself something to focus on, like I am self nominated photographer.

I also have a kit bag full of tools.

1. That I will not have 1 drink.

2. I will leave when the party is in full swing and people are too drunk to notice.
If I want to leave without slobbering drunks hugging me and wanting to stay, then I leave without a goodbye and just send a text saying 'you were having stacks of fun and we did not want to spoil it by saying goodbye, so we left but thanks for inviting us'.

3. Quick replies for why I am not drinking - such as I set myself a challenge to give up drinking for a month or likewise.

4. That 'no' is a complete sentence and if someone becomes over forceful with me in encouraging me to drink, I will leave.

5. I observe all the heavy drinkers making a show of themselves, doing all the behaviours I used to do and remind myself why I don't drink anymore.

6. As a reward the next day or the next week, I might buy something nice for me to celebrate not drinking at a party. Even something small like a bath bomb.

7. I have a glass in my hand, so no-one can thrust a glass of booze in my face.

8. I think of the people here at SR, my sober family, the ones I think so much about and how they care for me too. Knowing I can visit SR in my warm cosy bed is what gets me through the evening.

My life is probably a lot more dull now I don't drink.
I don't socialise as much either.
But the peace in my head I get from not drinking really does make up for it 200%.
Not having regrets, not have blackouts or upsetting people or wondering what I did.

My drinking career can be summed up by this statement. Probably my life now too.

I have regretted drinking many, many times. I have never regretted drinking once.

Thats me to a tee!

I wish you the best.

I've already seen or done all that there is to see or do on occasions and in places that are tailored for drinking. Break it up folks, nothing left to see here, show's over...

Better to be in a bad mood before the party starts than when it's over.

Earlier today i read a post somewhere on this board where someone suggested that we should get angry with alcohol and stop looking at it as a pleasure and start looking at it like a toxic poison that will destroy us if we let it. I thought that sounded like a great suggestion so I'm going to try it... maybe you could too... Alcohol is your deadly enemy, not your friend. good luck!

My job requires me to entertain. I also get severe social anxiety before events. I wish I could say I figured out how to overcome this, but I have not. Alcohol definitely took off my social edge. Now I wait in abject horror until the guests are buzzed and then I know their judging minds will become forgetful. People can really suck.

I have noticed this in myself since stopping drinking. I think it is linked to stress for me. Not so much a "will I drink or won't I?" kind of stress but more of a "let's get this show on the road" kind, if that makes sense. Also, I notice these feelings really peak right about when I would have been pouring my first pre-party drink. I am hoping that each experience will help me deal with it better.