Mistaken Beliefs about Relapse
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Just wanted to share my recent experience with the subject: Some old-timers at my home group were discussing relapses recently - and the issue was a sore spot. They all seemed to agree that relapses "these days" are considered more acceptable, almost like they are an expected part of recovery, much like an 8 year-old losing a tooth. According to these folks, this is a relatively new development in 12-step programs and not a welcome one. Relapses are not a "bump in the road", they are major setbacks and should be treated as such. There was much back-and-forth discussion on the subject.
Believe it or not, I just listened.
Believe it or not, I just listened.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Originally Posted by silentrun 
Mistaken Belief #4:" Recovering persons will be consciously aware of the warning signs of relapse."
Most people who relapse are not consciously aware of the warning signs as they are occurring. It is only when they look back later that they can see all of the things that were going on. This is often owing to lack of information or denial
I would have swore that I had some mental blank spot when it happened to me. It wasn't until a couple months afterward that I figured it out. Once I did the next time that type of thinking surfaced I was able to stop it.
Most people who relapse are not consciously aware of the warning signs as they are occurring. It is only when they look back later that they can see all of the things that were going on. This is often owing to lack of information or denial
I would have swore that I had some mental blank spot when it happened to me. It wasn't until a couple months afterward that I figured it out. Once I did the next time that type of thinking surfaced I was able to stop it.
When I was actively drinking/not drinking I wasn't aware of relapse signs - I'm not sure I ever used the word relapse - there was drinking and not drinking.
Once I knew a little bit about recovery tho, I learned pretty quickly what my warning signs were and to watch out for them
just because I often found myself at the liquor store and had no idea how I got there didn't mean there were no warning signs, I just didn't know enough to look out for them then
D
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 98
Mistaken Belief #9: "Thinking about relapse will bring it about."
Ignoring the possibility of relapse is more likely to bring it about. Those who acknowledge the possibility and think about how it is apt to occur can take action to prevent it.
I like this one. For me, I had to really confront my "relapse-thinking" ideas, and really challenge those thoughts. I had to let myself experience them, and then really think them through. If I constantly pushed them out of my mind or under the rug, they would pop up later with a vengeance and get me! Working through the irrational thoughts I have about using and learning how to confront them has helped me so much. Now when I start to have those thoughts, I'm much stronger and able to get past them more easily without it ending in relapse.
Edit--I wouldn't recommend someone in very early sobriety to confront their deepest, most intense cravings all alone and right away. When I did so, it was with the help of other on SR, and I was in a safe place at home with family. I think sometimes we need help in seeing the irrational thoughts clearly, and in early recovery sometimes we do need to just distract ourselves for a while until we feel strong enough to do this.
Ignoring the possibility of relapse is more likely to bring it about. Those who acknowledge the possibility and think about how it is apt to occur can take action to prevent it.
I like this one. For me, I had to really confront my "relapse-thinking" ideas, and really challenge those thoughts. I had to let myself experience them, and then really think them through. If I constantly pushed them out of my mind or under the rug, they would pop up later with a vengeance and get me! Working through the irrational thoughts I have about using and learning how to confront them has helped me so much. Now when I start to have those thoughts, I'm much stronger and able to get past them more easily without it ending in relapse.
Edit--I wouldn't recommend someone in very early sobriety to confront their deepest, most intense cravings all alone and right away. When I did so, it was with the help of other on SR, and I was in a safe place at home with family. I think sometimes we need help in seeing the irrational thoughts clearly, and in early recovery sometimes we do need to just distract ourselves for a while until we feel strong enough to do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: West midlands
Posts: 54
Recovery/
Recovery? What is it. Nowadays every kind of issue to do with mental health or drug/ alcohol issues they always quote recovery.it really annoys me because as anyone with mental health issues like myself knows we have good days and bad. I don't know about recovery it's a word I don't like and cured.
It's too subjective.it can mean too many things open to interpretation.
It's too subjective.it can mean too many things open to interpretation.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by Marktg34
Recovery? What is it. Nowadays every kind of issue to do with mental health or drug/ alcohol issues they always quote recovery.it really annoys me because as anyone with mental health issues like myself knows we have good days and bad. I don't know about recovery it's a word I don't like and cured.
It's too subjective.it can mean too many things open to interpretation.
It's too subjective.it can mean too many things open to interpretation.
Hope that made sense!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
Just wanted to share my recent experience with the subject: Some old-timers at my home group were discussing relapses recently - and the issue was a sore spot. They all seemed to agree that relapses "these days" are considered more acceptable, almost like they are an expected part of recovery, much like an 8 year-old losing a tooth. According to these folks, this is a relatively new development in 12-step programs and not a welcome one. Relapses are not a "bump in the road", they are major setbacks and should be treated as such. There was much back-and-forth discussion on the subject.
Believe it or not, I just listened.
Believe it or not, I just listened.
Yeah, I get that. The idea that "relapse is part of recovery" is yet another unfortunate and misguided offspring of rehabspeak.
When we minimize or dismiss a relapse, no matter how short in duration or how little we drank, it tends to set us up for another relapse.
Yet I still have contradictory thoughts on this issue. On the one hand, I don't believe I learned anything from my three-year relapse. On the other hand, the fact that I don't have any obvious evidence of having learned from my relapse, that doesn't mean I didn't learn anything from it. After all, I am sober today.
Okay, my head just started hurting, so I'll leave it at that.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
Hey sombrero.
Yeah, I get that. The idea that "relapse is part of recovery" is yet another unfortunate and misguided offspring of rehabspeak.
When we minimize or dismiss a relapse, no matter how short in duration or how little we drank, it tends to set us up for another relapse.
Yet I still have contradictory thoughts on this issue. On the one hand, I don't believe I learned anything from my three-year relapse. On the other hand, the fact that I don't have any obvious evidence of having learned from my relapse, that doesn't mean I didn't learn anything from it. After all, I am sober today.
Okay, my head just started hurting, so I'll leave it at that.
Yeah, I get that. The idea that "relapse is part of recovery" is yet another unfortunate and misguided offspring of rehabspeak.
When we minimize or dismiss a relapse, no matter how short in duration or how little we drank, it tends to set us up for another relapse.
Yet I still have contradictory thoughts on this issue. On the one hand, I don't believe I learned anything from my three-year relapse. On the other hand, the fact that I don't have any obvious evidence of having learned from my relapse, that doesn't mean I didn't learn anything from it. After all, I am sober today.
Okay, my head just started hurting, so I'll leave it at that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi EternalQ
Excellent and very useful post. Early in recovery I used to listen to this online website constantly, especially on relapse. I was so worried about relapsing, afraid if I did I would not have the strength or conviction to stay sober. I was very offended when a close friend accused/inquired if I had relapsed and that she had read that it was no biggie.
My sobriety was important to me and I it was a very big issue if I relapsed
Its no wonder that i really much prefer to deal with my recovering peer group when it comes to my discussing sobriety.
There are signs of relapse before you actually relapse
CaiHong
Excellent and very useful post. Early in recovery I used to listen to this online website constantly, especially on relapse. I was so worried about relapsing, afraid if I did I would not have the strength or conviction to stay sober. I was very offended when a close friend accused/inquired if I had relapsed and that she had read that it was no biggie.
My sobriety was important to me and I it was a very big issue if I relapsed
Its no wonder that i really much prefer to deal with my recovering peer group when it comes to my discussing sobriety.
There are signs of relapse before you actually relapse
CaiHong
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Forgive me for not using the terminology, but I HATE the word relapse in association with alcoholism.
For the first part, I have been dealing with family members who have cancer that relapses, and it has nothing to do with their behavior.
Second of all, it seems TO ME to alleviate personal responsibility, as though some invisible force pulled a bottle to my lips.
I, like many others, have started drinking again after periods of sobriety.
I have learned a good deal from these instances.
For example, I have learned that I need to take recovery seriously, and I cannot use any mind altering substances. Even those that I convinced myself I was not an addict of.
I allow my self coffee. That's it. And sugar, in moderation.
I have also learned about the subtle, and not so subtle thought processes that in fact, DO occur LONG before I am on my way back to a liquor store.
Now, I have become better at seeing these things, and doing what I can to arrest it before it turns into the obsession where I allow myself to listen to that voice.
I agree with much of the OPs post. The wheels started turning and the end result was drinking. Seeing what leads up to it has helped tremendously. So has RR, because I now separate an addictive, habitual voice from my normal consciousness, and I see it in a completely different light.
For the first part, I have been dealing with family members who have cancer that relapses, and it has nothing to do with their behavior.
Second of all, it seems TO ME to alleviate personal responsibility, as though some invisible force pulled a bottle to my lips.
I, like many others, have started drinking again after periods of sobriety.
I have learned a good deal from these instances.
For example, I have learned that I need to take recovery seriously, and I cannot use any mind altering substances. Even those that I convinced myself I was not an addict of.
I allow my self coffee. That's it. And sugar, in moderation.
I have also learned about the subtle, and not so subtle thought processes that in fact, DO occur LONG before I am on my way back to a liquor store.
Now, I have become better at seeing these things, and doing what I can to arrest it before it turns into the obsession where I allow myself to listen to that voice.
I agree with much of the OPs post. The wheels started turning and the end result was drinking. Seeing what leads up to it has helped tremendously. So has RR, because I now separate an addictive, habitual voice from my normal consciousness, and I see it in a completely different light.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Thanks for your post DoubleBarrel...it's funny...I felt very strong urges last week to drink...not sure how close I was to relapse, but it scared me. I realised I'd been drinking a bit of caffeine, now I try to avoid it I order to avoid any kind of stimulation, just in case it was that stimulating the parts of my brain recovering from addiction. I'm also conscious of having too much sugar for the same reason now.
EQ, thank you for the post. What was reassuring to me was that relapse IS avoidable, and also how our recovery tools need to adjust once we get through the initial early days and weeks.
I'm at day 66, and feel that transition from, just say no to that first drink to really shaping what life looks like sober for me now. It's tough, easy, confronting, wonderful, scary...but your post was really timely for me. Thank you.xx
EQ, thank you for the post. What was reassuring to me was that relapse IS avoidable, and also how our recovery tools need to adjust once we get through the initial early days and weeks.
I'm at day 66, and feel that transition from, just say no to that first drink to really shaping what life looks like sober for me now. It's tough, easy, confronting, wonderful, scary...but your post was really timely for me. Thank you.xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Mistaken Belief #9: "Thinking about relapse will bring it about."
Replacing the word relapse with DRINKING to me is a big part of slipping back especially in the early part of sobriety. I like the term of thinking of not drinking. BE WELL
Replacing the word relapse with DRINKING to me is a big part of slipping back especially in the early part of sobriety. I like the term of thinking of not drinking. BE WELL
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by jazzfish
Mistaken Belief #10: "Relapses have to be full blown returns to heavy alcoholic drinking." A relapse can be stopped at any time, even after only one sip.
It was like lighting the fuse on a time bomb. I never knew how long it was going to take, but the bomb always went off eventually.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by Boleo
I tried the one little sip experiment more than once. Yes I was able to stop for that day, but sometime within the next few days, I needed more. And then more... and then more.
It was like lighting the fuse on a time bomb. I never knew how long it was going to take, but the bomb always went off eventually.
It was like lighting the fuse on a time bomb. I never knew how long it was going to take, but the bomb always went off eventually.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
To clarify the Rational Recovery position... the issue with 'relapse' is that it is a 'recoveryism'. There is no relapse, just a decision to drink. Kinda like what DB just said.
Personally relapse is my biggest fear, so far so good. But there have been times where I felt like drinking was my only option, an extreme craving maybe. Each time I made a decision not to drink.
Personally relapse is my biggest fear, so far so good. But there have been times where I felt like drinking was my only option, an extreme craving maybe. Each time I made a decision not to drink.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by hypochondriac
To clarify the Rational Recovery position... the issue with 'relapse' is that it is a 'recoveryism'. There is no relapse, just a decision to drink. Kinda like what DB just said.
Personally relapse is my biggest fear, so far so good. But there have been times where I felt like drinking was my only option, an extreme craving maybe. Each time I made a decision not to drink.
Personally relapse is my biggest fear, so far so good. But there have been times where I felt like drinking was my only option, an extreme craving maybe. Each time I made a decision not to drink.
Just my thoughts,
Jess
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Thanks for the post EternalQ. I found it quite interesting and reinforces some of what I've learned but it would have been helpful if you included a brief synopsis of how the authors derived the list, ie. what type of study and interviews were performed as the basis for the information. Did they interview AA members, or alcoholics as defined by some other criteria, etc.
I want to add a personal point. On more than one occasion during early sobriety I have found myself making the decision to drink, in other words setting myself up for a relapse. But through what I believe to be divine intervention, something interfered with my plan. The restaurant was closed and I had time to reconsider. Or in one case, my favorite san pellegrino was on display so I had that instead. Both times something gave me the strength to resist, even when the decision had already been made. I was able to stay sober to fight another day. The urge was gone, in part because I felt my higher power had intervened.
These experiences tell me it is not inevitable, once the wheels are turning, but that something beyond ourselves is required. In both cases I felt it was grace, a gift from my higher power.
I want to add a personal point. On more than one occasion during early sobriety I have found myself making the decision to drink, in other words setting myself up for a relapse. But through what I believe to be divine intervention, something interfered with my plan. The restaurant was closed and I had time to reconsider. Or in one case, my favorite san pellegrino was on display so I had that instead. Both times something gave me the strength to resist, even when the decision had already been made. I was able to stay sober to fight another day. The urge was gone, in part because I felt my higher power had intervened.
These experiences tell me it is not inevitable, once the wheels are turning, but that something beyond ourselves is required. In both cases I felt it was grace, a gift from my higher power.
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