Why is Relapse so painful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
Why is Relapse so painful.
Hi everyone. I am so upset with myself for my recent slip and all the bad things that happened as a result of it has made me carry on drinking. Its that vicious circle of drinking to feel better but the problem originated from the drink in the first place. Its that feeling of 'well even if I stop drinking now then I cant change the bad stuff I did so what's the point, so may as well carry on drinking' Its the feeling of, 'oh now I've had the buzz feelings again then what's the point in going clean as it was boring and lifeless' Its the feeling of 'All I want to do is have fun'
All these things are false and are an artificial way of life and I am fully aware of that. This is what pains me.. the fact that I know my stuff about alcohol but I still continue. I am in a world of hell right now and the fact that I am a sensitive person who cant really deal with much in life and suffer extreme anxiety and panic attacks doesn't help so the drink soothes that for a short period but will end up in another horrendous situation im sure of it. Relapse is the scariest thing and I thing the fear of relapse when sober is more terrifying than the thought of being sober when you are drinking (if that's makes sense)
I am going to start my day 1 again tomorrow as I cant today as ive had 2 glasses of Wine left over from last night but will have no more today so u could call it day 1 I suppose but any how tomorrow is the day I will jusmp on that Horse again and try again.
I managed 38 days up till recently as you all know but I was feeling very depressed and down through a lot of it and the thought of feeling completely normal frightens the life out of me. I know I sound weak but I am a weak person in general and make out I am tough but really I am a scared man who just cant see a bright future. Depression is so hard to deal with, with or without alcohol and it sucks so much that either way im gonna loose. But I will try again tomorrow.
All these things are false and are an artificial way of life and I am fully aware of that. This is what pains me.. the fact that I know my stuff about alcohol but I still continue. I am in a world of hell right now and the fact that I am a sensitive person who cant really deal with much in life and suffer extreme anxiety and panic attacks doesn't help so the drink soothes that for a short period but will end up in another horrendous situation im sure of it. Relapse is the scariest thing and I thing the fear of relapse when sober is more terrifying than the thought of being sober when you are drinking (if that's makes sense)
I am going to start my day 1 again tomorrow as I cant today as ive had 2 glasses of Wine left over from last night but will have no more today so u could call it day 1 I suppose but any how tomorrow is the day I will jusmp on that Horse again and try again.
I managed 38 days up till recently as you all know but I was feeling very depressed and down through a lot of it and the thought of feeling completely normal frightens the life out of me. I know I sound weak but I am a weak person in general and make out I am tough but really I am a scared man who just cant see a bright future. Depression is so hard to deal with, with or without alcohol and it sucks so much that either way im gonna loose. But I will try again tomorrow.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 664
Morning 
Ok, so you might not be able to change the bad stuff that happened, but being sober and alert, you can maybe resolve some of the harm you did. By continuing to drink (she says stating the bliddy obvious), you're risking adding to it all.
I really am the master of 'obvious' posting aren't I lol
Ok, so you might not be able to change the bad stuff that happened, but being sober and alert, you can maybe resolve some of the harm you did. By continuing to drink (she says stating the bliddy obvious), you're risking adding to it all.I really am the master of 'obvious' posting aren't I lol
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,467
I understand what you are saying completely.
You don't sound weak. I was very, very much like you and relapses were devastating for me because they shook my extremely fragile confidence. My suggestion is to start making positive changes in your life as you stop drinking. Do things that will fight your depression such as walking, exercise, eating well, connecting with a friend or family member. If you think your depression threatens your sobriety, then talk to your dr. My depression existed years before my drinking, so I had to get it properly treated before I could recover.
You can do this!
You don't sound weak. I was very, very much like you and relapses were devastating for me because they shook my extremely fragile confidence. My suggestion is to start making positive changes in your life as you stop drinking. Do things that will fight your depression such as walking, exercise, eating well, connecting with a friend or family member. If you think your depression threatens your sobriety, then talk to your dr. My depression existed years before my drinking, so I had to get it properly treated before I could recover.
You can do this!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi RJY9,
I think that what makes it so painful is that we are so totally committed to not drinking and then we drank. We lined up all the reasons we need to stop, we put tools in place, we remind ourselves consistently when the opportunity presents itself. We had a plan and the plan failed.
Still, there are times when all of the above doesn't top the "want" to drink. Those are the darkest times because we'll tip that glass to our lips all the while knowing full well that all the excuses and reasons that we have for not drinking are valid and we just don't care. We'll stuff all those reasons down inside and block them.
It's important to remember that you didn't fail, your plan on how to combat the urge failed. You need to rethink it and find what it is that's going to stop you from continuing.
It starts with not carrying on drinking today. We will always find an infinity of "tomorrows". Now is the time. You can do this!
I think that what makes it so painful is that we are so totally committed to not drinking and then we drank. We lined up all the reasons we need to stop, we put tools in place, we remind ourselves consistently when the opportunity presents itself. We had a plan and the plan failed.
Still, there are times when all of the above doesn't top the "want" to drink. Those are the darkest times because we'll tip that glass to our lips all the while knowing full well that all the excuses and reasons that we have for not drinking are valid and we just don't care. We'll stuff all those reasons down inside and block them.
It's important to remember that you didn't fail, your plan on how to combat the urge failed. You need to rethink it and find what it is that's going to stop you from continuing.
It starts with not carrying on drinking today. We will always find an infinity of "tomorrows". Now is the time. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
Have you considered real life assistance RJ like AA or other organizations.
If it is feeling of depression or the fear of depression that brings you to the first drink, that is very difficult to fight when in it. Maybe real life support would help in such situations.
Alcohol and depression is s vicious circle, you need to break out of it, consider all options.
The relaps is not that important – it is important to come up with a good plan for breaking out of this vicious circle.
Take care RJ.
If it is feeling of depression or the fear of depression that brings you to the first drink, that is very difficult to fight when in it. Maybe real life support would help in such situations.
Alcohol and depression is s vicious circle, you need to break out of it, consider all options.
The relaps is not that important – it is important to come up with a good plan for breaking out of this vicious circle.
Take care RJ.
No half measures
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
You did what we all have done no better no worse.
I found will power alone was never enough. I had to come up with a plan that addressed the physical the mental spiritual and social. in my case I plan included:
Giving up doing it my way
Going to a doctor to get a baseline on health
Going to outpatient therapy for 4 months
Having a dry house
Putting absolutely nothing in front of my sobriety
Regular attendance at AA meetings
Building a network of sober friends
A belief in a higher power
Never going anywhere I'll alcohol was served until I was solid in my sobriety
Listening to people with long-term sobriety and doing what they did
Working the steps of AA.
AA is not the only way but any successful program of recovery will address the physical the mental the spiritual the social and psychological.
Successful recovery can be done with the first step being putting the plug in the jug. Then working a day at a time on the other areas of your life. If you move forward just a little bit every day the days will turn into weeks weeks into months and months and years
I found will power alone was never enough. I had to come up with a plan that addressed the physical the mental spiritual and social. in my case I plan included:
Giving up doing it my way
Going to a doctor to get a baseline on health
Going to outpatient therapy for 4 months
Having a dry house
Putting absolutely nothing in front of my sobriety
Regular attendance at AA meetings
Building a network of sober friends
A belief in a higher power
Never going anywhere I'll alcohol was served until I was solid in my sobriety
Listening to people with long-term sobriety and doing what they did
Working the steps of AA.
AA is not the only way but any successful program of recovery will address the physical the mental the spiritual the social and psychological.
Successful recovery can be done with the first step being putting the plug in the jug. Then working a day at a time on the other areas of your life. If you move forward just a little bit every day the days will turn into weeks weeks into months and months and years
Breaking Thru
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,219
Hello friend
I'm at 9 days , cocaine free. I've relapsed more than i can remember , and know the feeling well. But you know what , i learned from each one. I suffer too , living life straight up aint easy .
Do it , i know you can . It'll get better . It takes time
Tr
I'm at 9 days , cocaine free. I've relapsed more than i can remember , and know the feeling well. But you know what , i learned from each one. I suffer too , living life straight up aint easy .
Do it , i know you can . It'll get better . It takes time
Tr
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Hey RJ,
It took me months for my depression to lift and to see that there was a better way to live my life. I was a mess on this forum for quite some time. I knew in my heart that If I gave sobriety enough time that things in my head would start to improve. However, when we are in the moment, a few months feels like a lifetime.
Alcohol is a depressant as you well know. So, you are compounding the situation with each drink that you take. For me, I was finally at a crossroads with my drinking. I had two choices: Give up the alcohol and really try to start living, or continue to drink and internally die from all of the baggage and dis-ease that I was carrying around. I knew that there was a better way. Giving up Alcohol was frightening, but what was more frightening was the fact that I could cause serious damage to this life that I live. I just could not keep walking in the problem any longer. My last drink allowed me to see what I was really capable of, and that my friend is scary scary s#it.
I would seek out help from your doctor. Find some face to face support. Try to do something that is different from what you are doing now. You have a lot going for you and drowning in Alcohol is wasting the gift that you have been given; which is life. If I can get better, you can get better. Do not give up.
It took me months for my depression to lift and to see that there was a better way to live my life. I was a mess on this forum for quite some time. I knew in my heart that If I gave sobriety enough time that things in my head would start to improve. However, when we are in the moment, a few months feels like a lifetime.
Alcohol is a depressant as you well know. So, you are compounding the situation with each drink that you take. For me, I was finally at a crossroads with my drinking. I had two choices: Give up the alcohol and really try to start living, or continue to drink and internally die from all of the baggage and dis-ease that I was carrying around. I knew that there was a better way. Giving up Alcohol was frightening, but what was more frightening was the fact that I could cause serious damage to this life that I live. I just could not keep walking in the problem any longer. My last drink allowed me to see what I was really capable of, and that my friend is scary scary s#it.
I would seek out help from your doctor. Find some face to face support. Try to do something that is different from what you are doing now. You have a lot going for you and drowning in Alcohol is wasting the gift that you have been given; which is life. If I can get better, you can get better. Do not give up.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad to see you back. Why not treat today, right now as the beginning of your sobriety? Sure you had the wine, but you don't have to have any more. I can't even count the number of times tomorrow was going to be the day, but it never came of course. Stay with us and let us know what you need. You could always find a meeting today too.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Your post details the internal "push-pull" struggle we have all struggled with so well. Addiction/alcoholism is a helluva thing as we have to ask a self that has little value in itself to start valuing itself. Sorry did that make your head spin? It's like we have to inconvenience ourselves to jump in a raging river and save someone we don't like in the first place. Our motivation isn't all that high. It's like we'd rather sit on the banks with a beer and turn our heads while he dies. Sobriety asks that we inconvenience ourselves to jump in that river and pull the poor guy out..over and over and over again. We'll pull the guy out, perform CPR, get him breathing and a warm blanket ....and just when things are looking up...the ******** jumps back in the raging river...and we gotta save him..AGAIN.
Now here's the thing...we have to stop that guy from jumping in the river and that's alot for one person..especially one who doesn't like that guy all that much. That's where other fisherman on the river come into play. You gotta call them on over and tell them..hey..this guy keeps jumping in the river. They don't have any biases against this guy like you do. As a matter of fact, they see things about that guy you may not....
Okay..this analogy is getting away on itself. That guy who keeps jumping in the river? You actually don't know him well enough to dislike him. Some of the things he's done has ticked you off..but you don't know him. You have never given him a chance. There are talents and gifts within him that you have never spent enough time with him to learn about. So put down your beer and start talking to him..spend some time with him...so he don't jump back in that river.
Now here's the thing...we have to stop that guy from jumping in the river and that's alot for one person..especially one who doesn't like that guy all that much. That's where other fisherman on the river come into play. You gotta call them on over and tell them..hey..this guy keeps jumping in the river. They don't have any biases against this guy like you do. As a matter of fact, they see things about that guy you may not....
Okay..this analogy is getting away on itself. That guy who keeps jumping in the river? You actually don't know him well enough to dislike him. Some of the things he's done has ticked you off..but you don't know him. You have never given him a chance. There are talents and gifts within him that you have never spent enough time with him to learn about. So put down your beer and start talking to him..spend some time with him...so he don't jump back in that river.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 33
You have made a quick choice to return to sobriety after missing one day, after achieving 38 days. I find that pretty remarkable. My own experience is that my relapses are usually longer than my period of sobriety. So, I'm no role model!
As you return to sobriety, try to be kind to yourself. It is easier to respect others and be open to the positive things in the world if we treat ourselves with care.
Like all of us, you are on a path that can be filled with different habits, different choices, different feelings. But, it is a path.
I can identify with lots of the comments you have used to berate yourself, and I too have been angry with myself for making bad choices, but I think it is part of the process of understanding how we really feel and then changing. For me, it is not an easy process.
Thanks for your post. You've triggered a lot of positive responses and good suggestions, which are helpful to me. Tomorrow I will be sober two weeks. In the past three years, I've had two 4-8 week periods of sobriety. Not much really.
So I'm trying again. I joined this group for inspiration and the suggestion of others and I'm finding it. I do think that I cannot do it on my own. I like wakko's list of suggestions. Many of them have helped me.
For me, reading about and trying to practice Buddhism is helpful. There is a short, little book that you might enjoy: "When Things Fall Apart," by Pema Chodron.
Thanks again.
As you return to sobriety, try to be kind to yourself. It is easier to respect others and be open to the positive things in the world if we treat ourselves with care.
Like all of us, you are on a path that can be filled with different habits, different choices, different feelings. But, it is a path.
I can identify with lots of the comments you have used to berate yourself, and I too have been angry with myself for making bad choices, but I think it is part of the process of understanding how we really feel and then changing. For me, it is not an easy process.
Thanks for your post. You've triggered a lot of positive responses and good suggestions, which are helpful to me. Tomorrow I will be sober two weeks. In the past three years, I've had two 4-8 week periods of sobriety. Not much really.
So I'm trying again. I joined this group for inspiration and the suggestion of others and I'm finding it. I do think that I cannot do it on my own. I like wakko's list of suggestions. Many of them have helped me.
For me, reading about and trying to practice Buddhism is helpful. There is a short, little book that you might enjoy: "When Things Fall Apart," by Pema Chodron.
Thanks again.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by RJY9 
Its that feeling of 'well even if I stop drinking now then I cant change the bad stuff I did so what's the point, so may as well carry on drinking' Its the feeling of, 'oh now I've had the buzz feelings again then what's the point in going clean as it was boring and lifeless' Its the feeling of 'All I want to do is have fun'
Depression also distorts our sense of reality, as it not only cripples us with fear and impairs the way we interpret our thoughts and feelings, but also affects the way we think and how we process what we experience.
The only way to benefit from and protect ourselves against the randomness and unpredictability of the real world in any meaningful way is to put down the drink and then learn the difference between what is real and what is fantasy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
Some amazing comments here from you all. Thanks so much. I have started from today as I haven't had a drink since the 2 glasses of wine this morning so im giving it another go right now! I need to start worrying about what other people (insignificant people) think about me and stop believing I should be perfect in everyone's eyes as im not and people can think what they like about me as from now on im all about giving my full attention to my family and step up and be a man rather than a cowardly drinker. Sobriety is everything to me and my family. That's all that matters. The people who stay around and forgive me when I apologise for drunken events are the real friends and the other grudge bearing people with no understanding aren't worth worrying about.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Why is Relapse so painful
because my drinking usually picks up right where I left off
or
at times it was even worse than where I left off
relapse get's more painful also as we get older (I'm witness to that)
when am I going to grow up was the question asked of myself
for me it was impossible while drinking
and doing other unmoral things
MB
or
at times it was even worse than where I left off
relapse get's more painful also as we get older (I'm witness to that)
when am I going to grow up was the question asked of myself
for me it was impossible while drinking
and doing other unmoral things
MB
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
