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Dating

Old 09-28-2013, 02:05 PM
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Dating

I know this is probably a stupid question but here goes....

When is an appropriate time to start dating again? I'm very, very early into sobriety, day 8 in fact, and I don't want to jeopardise that at all. I haven't had a "real" date (i.e., one that doesn't involve going out getting drunk and meeting somebody out) since my last relationship ended three months ago.

I've been asked out for food by somebody who barely drinks at all and would like to go but I don't want to pile on additional pressure. However, I feel that loneliness, if anything, will be the thing that will cause me to drink.
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Old 09-28-2013, 02:10 PM
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Plan a date that doesn't involve alcohol. A walk to get coffee or something like that.
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Old 09-28-2013, 02:16 PM
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Is this a formal "date"? If not, go, and just enjoy the company and the food. Stay sober, of course. I know of no criteria for dating in recovery, only that sobriety should be my number one goal, before dating or anything else.
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Old 09-28-2013, 02:18 PM
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Hi, Orieme.

Congrats on 8 days of sobriety - the first week down)

Quite a challenging question it is. I am almost a year sober and still don't feel ready to date. Dating may involve different sorts of emotions, and considering that emotional roller coaster that many of us experience in early sobriety (early is quite a long period, I should day), it can set you off balance.

Loneliness... It depends on how to look at it. For me it's time to finally sort out my own issues, to know myself better and accept myself, and it's pretty interesting journey)

Just my 2 cents.

Anyway, even you decide that dating is ok for you, keep focus on your sobriety)

Best wishes to you.
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Old 09-28-2013, 02:23 PM
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Hi orieme

we had a thread on this recently:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...10-dating.html

I think you're wise to be cautious - there's no harm in going out with, or as, friends - but anything else I'd leave off for now.

I know about loneliness but I found the best way to tackle loneliness is to get to know yourself - not lose yourself in someone else.

Find out who sober you is before you offer yourself to anyone else

D
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Old 09-28-2013, 02:23 PM
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Be careful. The prob with dating in early sobriety is handling the flood of emotions without drinking. What's gonna happen if you really like him/her, you go home later, you're all excited about the date.... then what? Or the next day when he/she hasn't returned your txt msgs and you're all anxious about it. What then?
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Old 09-28-2013, 02:27 PM
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Congratulations on 8 days of sobriety.

It's understandable that you are beginning to feel lonely. However, I think you really need to be cautious at this point. It could be a good time to start going out with friends for a coffee or a movie, no drinking involved. But, be careful about getting too involved this early in recovery.
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Old 09-28-2013, 02:28 PM
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Thanks you guys. I think I know I should decline, if I went I would just be using it as a way of distracting myself which would be completely unfair and is avoiding the problem. Hurting others would just make me feel bad and I know where feelings of guilt lead - straight back to the bottle.

Strictly friends for me for a while I think.

EDIT: Yes. Completely agree that the emotions if it did go well from my perspective means the whole "Why haven't they messaged?" and all the rollercoaster-like feelings that come with it.
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Old 09-28-2013, 02:31 PM
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I would also be cautious and very careful.
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