Nattiepie

Hello, I have been in a relationship with someone for almost 3 years. The first year I knew nothing about his drug addiction. My boyfriend is addicted to cocaine. He has lied and stolen from me many times. Now he has been out 6 nights in a row. He returns at 7 am. Before this the longest stretch he would be gone would be 3 days.
I am a codependent, but I am ready to leave. I am tired of being alone in this relationship. I am just writing to get encouragement to move on. I'm afraid I will just jump into another relationship. Please advise

SkyeSea

You know, sometimes we can make tooooo many allowances for addiction. If this was regular guy and he treated you like that, what would you do? I know what I'd do. RUN like HELL.
Have you spoken to him about all of this? Does he want to change his habit?

I really feel for you x

Nattiepie

Yes I have spoke to him numerous times. I just feel guilty about leaving. I had an intervention about a month ago. He was unable to go without drugs and alcohol after one day

SkyeSea

Sorry, I don't know what an 'intervention' is I guess we call it something different in the UK.
I understand you feeling guilty about leaving him, but if you stay and end up with depression or something, then you won't be able to help him anyway hun.
You really do need to think of yourself - we get ONE life and it's not a dress rehearsal.

Really hope you get things sorted

Regretter

Hey Nattipie, welcome to SR.

However it's cut, you're being shat on and used and you don't deserve to be treated like you're not there.

My wife left me 3yrs ago because I was a horrible person to be around so even knowing how it feels to be the one who gets left (and it does hurt), I still think she deserved to leave and did the right thing (did I really just admit that out loud? ).

My advice, for what it's worth, is don't jump out of the frying pan and into the fire (suddenly get a new partner). Single life ain't all that bad and has many benefits, like being able to be yourself again on your own terms. A reset with some personal time is often a good thing for a person's soul.

Nattiepie

Thank you both for your replies. Just hearing from people helps me. I don't know why I've allowed this to go on for so long. Lying and stealing from me, having him come home at 3 am demanding I give him money. Looking forward I won't to hide my money or checks anymore.

Tamerua

In sorry for what you're going through. I'm not sure I understand why you feel guilty. Only he can stop, make the decision to stop. Want to be in this relationship. Take care of you! Wouldn't it be better to be single and working on you than in a relationship and alone?

Keep posting! I also hear there is a book (I have a lonnnnng list of books I haven't gotten to yet) called codependent no more. Maybe check that out?

Uninvited

Hi and welcome. I'm not sure what your question is though. It sounds like you know he is beyond your help and you are ready to move out. Couldn't you just pack up and move out when he is on one of his 3 day binges?

DecBaby

I think you should leave. Check out the friends and family forum. There's lots of stickies to guide you in help from being a Co dependent.

digdug

As an alcoholic and addict who was left by an amazing woman because of my addiction, I would say get out.

I think my ex made the best decision for her and I have no blame or anger towards her. My lying and manipulation was abusive. She deserved better at the time.

You can't fix him. Only he can help himself. He has to do this own his own. You cannot will his sobriety.

I know that by continuing to stay sober, the next woman I date will never have to suffer the way my ex did.

Please check out the friends and family forum for some more support.

least

I'd be out of there so fast it would make your head spin. Leave him to sink or swim in his own mess. You only get one go around in life - do you want to waste it on someone who has no desire to clean up his act?

SkyeSea

You know, there is a saying that 'We don't realise what we have, until we've lost it'.
Maybe..just maybe, if you leave, he might take a look at what he's lost and get his a$$ together. One thing's for sure though, he's not going to change while he's getting away with his current behaviour

RhodeIsland

Well, being at the point of moving on, here is advice I have:

UHaul boxes can add up and be an additional cost. Places like BJ's and Sams Club offer free boxes at the front of the store. Lift from the knees and not the back. If a friend has a hitch, save on renting truck and just use a trailer.

Hope it works out.

Spinach

So as you leave what is it you take with you?
All the best.
John.

Nattiepie

Thank you all for your continued support. I know now that it's not my fault. I just feel guilty even though I know this is not correct thinking. But feeling guilty or not I have to leave. His addictions are affecting me and I'm just ready to be done.

Yankee73

In all seriousness, I would like to add: Get your valuables out first or keep with you at all times.

I speak from experience.

Nattiepie

Yankee I ready have to keeps purse and checks with me at all times. He is a professional liar and thief.

misspond

Whilst I will admit to having my own issues with alcohol I had to leave a man I had been with for 10 years due to his issues with alcohol, and how he would go out drinking 5 nights a week. The last straw came when he came home one night after being beaten up. We had two small children together, he drank all of our money away, and I had no money, no family to go to (they live a few hours drive away) and no confidence. My life is 100% better for having left him and I wish you luck.

Nattiepie

Thank you miss pond

SkyeSea

Hi Nattiepie - how are things going? Hope you're ok x