Please read my story and help me get through.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: South Florida
Posts: 3
Please read my story and help me get through.
My relationship with alcohol began when I was 18. I would get trashed once or twice a week like a regular college student but otherwise did not struggle with alcohol. Then I went to law school and got into a relationship that depressed me and I began to drink everyday. Since I'm shy I found that drinking offered many rewards. It helped me forget about my relationship issues and it also helped me feel more comfortable in social situations. The drinking escalated. Back then a handle would last two or three weeks. Then I graduated and took a soul-crushing job. Since I hate my job and am generally a miserable person I drink every day when I come home. A handle now lasts about a week for me. I have been a functional alcoholic for the past 3 years but lately I have began to think more about drinking. I have read Drinking: A Love Story and A Life of Drinking, I've watched Flight, and I have filled out a "plan to stop drinking" form that I found online but whenever it comes time to evaluate my progress there is no progress to evaluate because I never started. About six months ago I was able to stay sober for three weeks and I was doing great until my friends invited me to a party and I was back to drinking everyday. At the time I thought that since I could stay off it for three weeks I was not an alcoholic.
Today I accepted the fact that I have a problem with alcohol. I was in the gym working out and all I could think about was drinking. I wasn't craving a drink, but the thought of whether I was drinking too much and whether I could stop consumed my mind. In the past I have had those fleeting thoughts but brushed them off after a few minutes but this time it persisted to the point that I became panicked. I left the gym immediately, packed up my bar, put it in the trunk of my car and went for a long walk. During the walk I became excited at all the things that a life without alcohol could bring me: no more waking up at 3 am everyday, no more feeling mentally sluggish at work before lunchtime, no more sheer panic at driving near a police car after a night of drinking, no more wasting 3k or so a year on alcohol, no more ruined relationships. I am intent on getting through a serious amount of time without drinking this time. Any words of advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
Today I accepted the fact that I have a problem with alcohol. I was in the gym working out and all I could think about was drinking. I wasn't craving a drink, but the thought of whether I was drinking too much and whether I could stop consumed my mind. In the past I have had those fleeting thoughts but brushed them off after a few minutes but this time it persisted to the point that I became panicked. I left the gym immediately, packed up my bar, put it in the trunk of my car and went for a long walk. During the walk I became excited at all the things that a life without alcohol could bring me: no more waking up at 3 am everyday, no more feeling mentally sluggish at work before lunchtime, no more sheer panic at driving near a police car after a night of drinking, no more wasting 3k or so a year on alcohol, no more ruined relationships. I am intent on getting through a serious amount of time without drinking this time. Any words of advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
hello carry the zero
this is a great first step signing up on this site, it is a very welcoming and supportive community of people who Know what you are going through
read, post ,ask and check in often
there are lots of good ideas for ending addiction here, look through all the forums
I found RR and AVRT to be tremendously helpful
wish you well and hope to see you around
this is a great first step signing up on this site, it is a very welcoming and supportive community of people who Know what you are going through
read, post ,ask and check in often
there are lots of good ideas for ending addiction here, look through all the forums
I found RR and AVRT to be tremendously helpful
wish you well and hope to see you around
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 807
Welcome, carrythezero, glad to have you here. It is great you are realizing that alcohol is a problem at such a young age. Have you figured out your plan to stay sober. I would advise opening the bar in your trunk and dumping it all out, it may be hard but it is also cathartic. Read around the forums and post as much as you like, SR is a great group of people.
Breaking Thru
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,219
Hello friend
First off , you've done well realizing you have a problem. Second , you seem ready to try something different. Too not drink.
You can have all that you were excited about on your walk. Think for some time , say 24 hours and don't drink for that time. Then again. Then again.
Post often , and share how you feel
You can do this
Tr
First off , you've done well realizing you have a problem. Second , you seem ready to try something different. Too not drink.
You can have all that you were excited about on your walk. Think for some time , say 24 hours and don't drink for that time. Then again. Then again.
Post often , and share how you feel
You can do this
Tr
to SR! You've made a wise decision and we're here to support you on your sober journey.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Welcome Carry!
You sure provided a blast from the past. I remember being in the gym and obsessing about a drink. Or, getting all my gear packed for the gym, driving there, but turning back because my hangover was just so bad.
I had a few of those ecstatic moments, too: thinking about what life could be like if I could stay sober.
You mention:
Just a little question: And then what? One of my greatest stumbling blocks to full recovery was that desire to get sober through a serious amount of time...and...then. Well, my "then", whether I acknowledged it consciously or not, was to drink again.
You mention thinking that if you could stay sober for 3 weeks you might not be an alcoholic.
What I sense in your post is that you could use some education about what alcoholism is! We all needed that! I thought because I was an alcoholic, I knew all about this disease.
My first step to recovery was a visit to my doctor. I told her everything and asked for blood work. No surprise the results came back with elevated liver levels. She sent me to outpatient rehab.
If I may give you some advice: find a program. It can be anything: an outpatient program, an alcohol-addiction therapist, AA, rational recovery, other step related programs. And then throw yourself into it wholeheartedly. And learn, learn learn about this disease.
You can't live life over again. Every day spent drunk, well, you won't get it back.
good luck!
You sure provided a blast from the past. I remember being in the gym and obsessing about a drink. Or, getting all my gear packed for the gym, driving there, but turning back because my hangover was just so bad.
I had a few of those ecstatic moments, too: thinking about what life could be like if I could stay sober.
You mention:
I am intent on getting through a serious amount of time without drinking this time.
You mention thinking that if you could stay sober for 3 weeks you might not be an alcoholic.
What I sense in your post is that you could use some education about what alcoholism is! We all needed that! I thought because I was an alcoholic, I knew all about this disease.
My first step to recovery was a visit to my doctor. I told her everything and asked for blood work. No surprise the results came back with elevated liver levels. She sent me to outpatient rehab.
If I may give you some advice: find a program. It can be anything: an outpatient program, an alcohol-addiction therapist, AA, rational recovery, other step related programs. And then throw yourself into it wholeheartedly. And learn, learn learn about this disease.
You can't live life over again. Every day spent drunk, well, you won't get it back.
good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Welcome CTZ! I think you touch on an important point which is that alcohol seems to begin with, to be our friend and fellow partner in fun, but that soon enough it turns around and betrays us and becomes our deadly enemy.
Sadly for a long time (a very long time for some of us) we go on trying to be friends with the thing that has now decided to ruin our lives.
Time to kick that 'friend' right in the butt!
Sadly for a long time (a very long time for some of us) we go on trying to be friends with the thing that has now decided to ruin our lives.
Time to kick that 'friend' right in the butt!
Diana
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 13
Welcome Carrythezero. It is one day at a time. I myself have only been sober 10 days now. I do not put myself in situations that could cause me to drink because I am not strong enough to say no. Stay strong and get a support system going like AA. I am going to my 2nd meeting tonight and the big book they gave me is very helpful. Another show you can watch on youtube is drugged high on alcohol. I watched it yesterday and it is a powerful documentary and very informative. Keep the chin up, take it a day at a time and know that you can do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 29
HiCarry. This site and the kind folks here are amazing. It really helped me to read Under the Influence. There are some excerpts on this site. I didn't admit that I am an alcoholic until after I learned what the disease really is. Sober 26 days and still learning.
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