Am back - with hope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 182
Am back - with hope
Without going into a lot of detail, I simply wanted to say that I'm back on SR after trying to moderate (pause for hilarious laughter and knee slapping) and today is day one...
The empty bottle of chardonnay this morning has proven that just a glass or two last evening was impossible for me, and I am just...so...tired of the see saw.
I want to get off the see saw and play with the fun sober kids please.
The empty bottle of chardonnay this morning has proven that just a glass or two last evening was impossible for me, and I am just...so...tired of the see saw.
I want to get off the see saw and play with the fun sober kids please.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 182
Thanks!
I have had several setbacks recently in other areas of my life and I am just so *over* the constant battle in my head of "i am, I am not" - who cares - I want to be alcohol free.
I attend AA meetings but they have never really been my answer thus far. Will keep trying though!
I have had several setbacks recently in other areas of my life and I am just so *over* the constant battle in my head of "i am, I am not" - who cares - I want to be alcohol free.
I attend AA meetings but they have never really been my answer thus far. Will keep trying though!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by honeypie 
I have had several setbacks recently in other areas of my life and I am just so *over* the constant battle in my head of "i am, I am not" - who cares - I want to be alcohol free.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
You've learned a valuable truth about yourself, honeypie. If you can't moderate, then the only option is quitting altogether.
Attending AA meetings aren't anybody's answer, not even members of AA. The 12 Steps are AA's suggested program of recovery, and those work wonders. Gotta be pretty beat up, though, before being willing to give them an honest shot.
Originally Posted by honeypie
I attend AA meetings but they have never really been my answer thus far.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Welcome back.
No laughing here.
We know how hard it is.
We each have our own path and you just took another step.
Be kind to yourself.
Stop torturing yourself moderating.
"If we are enjoying it, we are not controlling it.
If we are controlling it, we are not enjoying it."
No laughing here.
We know how hard it is.
We each have our own path and you just took another step.
Be kind to yourself.
Stop torturing yourself moderating.
"If we are enjoying it, we are not controlling it.
If we are controlling it, we are not enjoying it."
Marcher
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
Welcome back, honeypie. Isn't it great that you knew just where to come once you figured that out for yourself? No laughing matter, this addiction thing. You have a good attitude and I'm glad to see you back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 182
Yes, it is a relief!
I did start tackling the steps back in the town I was living in for the past 6 years. (I recently moved back home after having been laid off.) I had a sponsor who was very intent on getting me through the steps as fast as possible. It was going well until the 4th step!
I did not fully understand how to do the column things and I wanted her to help me, but she actually became very upset with me and "broke up" sponsoring me, which was awful! I cried hard that day and wondered what I was doing.
Anyway I am definitely looking for a new sponsor now, am in new meetings and trying to make some new sober friends.
I am so happy to be back on SR and I know there are friends here 24/7 who care and that feels AMAZING!!!
:
I did start tackling the steps back in the town I was living in for the past 6 years. (I recently moved back home after having been laid off.) I had a sponsor who was very intent on getting me through the steps as fast as possible. It was going well until the 4th step!
I did not fully understand how to do the column things and I wanted her to help me, but she actually became very upset with me and "broke up" sponsoring me, which was awful! I cried hard that day and wondered what I was doing.
Anyway I am definitely looking for a new sponsor now, am in new meetings and trying to make some new sober friends.
I am so happy to be back on SR and I know there are friends here 24/7 who care and that feels AMAZING!!!
:
back! I'm glad you're giving it another go. 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
I'm so glad to see you back honeypie. 
I wanted desperately to be able to moderate - and I spent many years trying to do it. Never once did it work. You've learned something valuable, and you sound ready. We have to be. I stopped playing with it and it feels great to be free. It was no fun in the end anyway - and we never did need it. Happy you are with us once again.
I wanted desperately to be able to moderate - and I spent many years trying to do it. Never once did it work. You've learned something valuable, and you sound ready. We have to be. I stopped playing with it and it feels great to be free. It was no fun in the end anyway - and we never did need it.
Happy you are with us once again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
hi Honeypie,
Respect to you for not giving up. I had been trying to moderate for decades, it was really never an option for me if it had been I would not be on this forum or a member of AA.
I am sober nearly 2.5 years with the support of SR and AA. As regards to AA the 12 step program is one of the best blueprints for managing my life that I have ever encountered. Meetings can be a mixed bag of positive and negative experiences, don't place too much importance on the personalities in the room, remember that you are there to stay sober.
I wish you all the strength to get through this sometimes difficult early sobriety and that you get to live the promises of AA.
I visit SR daily and read the daily readings over on the 12 step support thread.
All the best
Caihong
Respect to you for not giving up. I had been trying to moderate for decades, it was really never an option for me if it had been I would not be on this forum or a member of AA.
I am sober nearly 2.5 years with the support of SR and AA. As regards to AA the 12 step program is one of the best blueprints for managing my life that I have ever encountered. Meetings can be a mixed bag of positive and negative experiences, don't place too much importance on the personalities in the room, remember that you are there to stay sober.
I wish you all the strength to get through this sometimes difficult early sobriety and that you get to live the promises of AA.
I visit SR daily and read the daily readings over on the 12 step support thread.
All the best
Caihong
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