Sober since 19 and now having doubts
 

Hello everyone.
So heres the skinny.
I have been sober since I was 19. I am now nearing my 8 years mark. When I came into the rooms it was bad and I was willing to do anything you guys said. I had went to jail, then did a 90 day stint in rehab.

Now hearing that im sure your saying to yourself "What's the doubt about?".
My doubt is this. When I went to jail it was because I was out there smoking crack. Was I drinking? Sure I would drink if it was around. But it was not really my DOC.
Recently the weather has started to change and the fall like weather is here. For some reason my mind tells me how nice it would be to have a glass of red wine. Now not saying that I would enjoy the taste of red wine or any alcohol for that matter. But it definitely got me thinking....Was I just a wild teen rebelling against the world (Like teens do) and just got caught up in some bad stuff? ie.crack. Am I really an Alcoholic?

nearing 30 I am asking myself cant I just go out with my friends like an adult and have a drink, go home, and wake up and go to work?

Any advice, similar stories would help.

Thank you,
Doubts

Hi and welcome :)

I'm not sure anyone can answer your question, but I can share my experience.

I've been addicted to many many things - the problem wasn't actually the drugs and things themselves, the problem was me.

If I was you I'd want to be really sure - REALLY sure - that alcohol wasn't going to lead you to the same place crack did.

You've been clean and sober for 8 years now, right? good life, no problems more than any other guy?

Sure you might be a normal guy who did some stupid stuff in his youth.

You could also be someone who's addictions been waiting patiently for 8 years to get you at a weak moment.

Honestly, my advice? I'd err on the side of caution.

You're not missing anything by not drinking, man.

D

I would simply ask, what do you think you are depriving yourself of by not drinking? The stuff is poison.

Why risk it?

8 years is a phenomenal achievement - why risk it for a little liquid? :)

As above what are you going to gain by drinking a liquid drug?

Congrats on 8 yrs sober! :) Why drink now? No good can come of it.:(

History shows that the vast majority of addicts are always addicts. And generally it doesn't matter if they are sober for 8 days, 8 months, 8 years or 8 decades. Picking up another drink or snorting/smoking/injecting whatever your DOC is generally always leads to abuse again. Sometimes it takes a while but it almost always ends bad.

Do you want to risk it? If your addiction landed you in jail before, it most likely will again. And who knows what other horrors it might bring back into your life.

I've seen dozens of guys test the same question you're pondering. I've seen none of them be successful at it. For what it's worth.

I also have 8 year,s but when a thought like that come,s in my head I play the tape back that show,s me what I was like.I don,t like that person.........Ask your HP to take the thought,s away.............

I had to laugh at myself because your question is one that I posed to myself several years ago and it sounded so familiar.

At around 6 years sober I was diagnosed with PTSD. After a few years of being treated for that I started to wonder if maybe my drinking was more related to the PTSD rather than alcoholism because the drinking was exacerbated by the PTSD. I put a lot of thought into whether or not it would be ok to try to drink again. The thought of finally being able to drink like a normal person and maybe have just a glass of wine with dinner was a pleasant thought. What helped me is "playing the tape all the way through," taking an honest look at my life and the history of what happens when I try to stick to having just one drink. That convinced me that it is not worth taking the chance of once again hurting everyone that loves or cares about me just for the sake of a drink or two. I would rather not be an alcoholic and never drink again than to be an alcoholic and pick up another drink thereby setting that chain of events in motion once again. It just is not worth the risk when I could easily be wrong. It does not hurt me at all to not drink but it can seriously hurt me to drink again and be an alcoholic. So I just consider myself an alcoholic and keep putting one foot in front of the other by not taking that drink.

If, as your comments suggest, you can take it or leave, why take the risk?

Congratulations on 8 years! I wish I had gotten sober at your age. I saw a quote the other day that I believe is true. "Your addictions are waiting right where you left them"
or something to that effect.

My brother in law is a crack addict. Anytime he has relapsed, it began with drinking a few beers once in awhile, and eventually, back to the hard stuff, and an arrest. The arrests and jail time have saved his life at least 3 times. Forced him to get clean. Two were rehab type facilities.

That is just my only experience with knowing how strong a crack addiction(and alcohol) addiction can be.

8 years is fantastic! Why ruin it? Why take a chance on it?

I was heavily addicted to cocaine from the ages of 19-23. Hardly ever drank. When I almost died from an OD, I put it down and never touched it again. Went 1 year sober from cocaine and at 24 decided it would be nice to be able to enjoy drinks with my friends. At first I did. Friday night out with the girls. Sunday, a couple beers at a friend's football party. That spiraled out of control really fast. Fast forward 10 years and I can't even count how many relapses later. I'm on day 8 right now. AGAIN.

Never in these last 10 years did I ever go back to cocaine though, I transferred my addiction to alcohol. I am a firm believer that once and addict, always an addict. It's in our personality to love something to an unhealthy excess.

Good luck in whatever you decide and congrats on 8 years, that's really an accomplishment.

I first sobered up at 21.

Twenty-five years of pretty content sobriety and I started having those same thoughts. By time I had 30 years of not drinking, I decide to try what you are contemplating. (details in my blog)

It took about 19 months of trying everything to control my drinking, but nothing's different. All I did was prove to myself that I am still an alcoholic and I never know what the outcome will be once I pick up the first drink, except that it most likely won't be pleasant.

I missed my old sober life and was fortunate enough to make it back.

Hi Never, welcome. Did you have any bad experiences due to alcohol? I'm glad you are here. It's a great place.

Slope
 

I feel the same as you all the time my friend, it's not so much the doc as it is any kind of mind altering substance makes it easier to go to the doc. I was sober for a few years and then started having beers at hockey games, within a month I had lost everything I spent years working on! Other friends have done the same! Eight years is an incredible achievement and some wine is so not worth it!! Just my advice because you have really accomplished something here.