Aa meeting and I am completely lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 51
Aa meeting and I am completely lost
I just went to my second aa meeting. It was a speaker meeting. The speaker was introduced as this great person with an amazing story to tell that will sort of inspire you to live the aa lifestyle or whatever. Anywas, I totally feel weird now. I don't like the god talk, I don't like the chanting and praying together, I don't like listening to other peoples "war stories" of their bad times. I don't feel convicted deep down that I will NEVER drink again, which is how I was told I should feel...my friend came with me and said they don't think I'm that bad and I need to learn to "moderate" my drinking. I am so confused I hate this ********...I have no idea if I am an alcoholic or not?!?!?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
It took me a while, and a lot of hard work, to feel the conviction I'd never drink again Doogie.
AA's not the only game in town - there's other things like SMART and LifeRing and a lot of others...but personally, I think you'd be better giving AA more of a chance than 2 meetings - maybe different groups would suit you better? are there any secular or agnostic AA groups in Alberta for example?
D
AA's not the only game in town - there's other things like SMART and LifeRing and a lot of others...but personally, I think you'd be better giving AA more of a chance than 2 meetings - maybe different groups would suit you better? are there any secular or agnostic AA groups in Alberta for example?
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Doogie, welcome...I felt like you in the beginning and the God "stuff" is oftern difficult to understand and the #1 reason people are hesitant to commit to AA. Most of us hate ourselves, which is one of the reasons we drink so much so how can we accept God given our sins. Yeah yeah I know...forget this part for now.
I have found that I judged the shares and often did not relate. After I started reading the Big Book (you can get a copy at any AA meeting) things started to sink in. I think whether you sober or not, reading this will help and with the desire to quit the shares and ability to relate may just help through the early times (assuming you are early to the process given only 2 meetings if not apologize).
I think the higher power thing you will find becomes important in most recovery programs - basically that you cannot control this disease and hence not moderate...
I have found that I judged the shares and often did not relate. After I started reading the Big Book (you can get a copy at any AA meeting) things started to sink in. I think whether you sober or not, reading this will help and with the desire to quit the shares and ability to relate may just help through the early times (assuming you are early to the process given only 2 meetings if not apologize).
I think the higher power thing you will find becomes important in most recovery programs - basically that you cannot control this disease and hence not moderate...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 49
I can relate. For AA it took me a while to get pat the use of God. I fretted about what I believed in so much that I almost quit. I also found it hard to relate in the beginning I the speakers I heard. What helped was remembering the only requirement to be there was a desire to stop drinking. The things they teach are just suggestions, and no one does exactly the same things that the others do. I agree with Dee, give it a chance, you don't have to label yourself an alcoholic or anything else to be there. Is there anything you heard you could relate to, or that stuck with you? When I go to meetings I no longer try and feel or believe everything that's said. I pick what I can relate to and leave the rest for someone else.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
I have never come across an AA meeting like you describe.
People discuss bad experiences, to the degree they wish in order for others to relate more personally and reach sobriety.
AA is primarily concerned with people who simply want to stop drinking.
Some may be able to drink lightly/ moderately and can take that road.
Others who have discovered numerous pit falls may hope for total sobriety.
While AA speaks of a God of our own understanding, no religious affiliations are required.
The secular faction of AA largely sees God as the power of the group.
People discuss bad experiences, to the degree they wish in order for others to relate more personally and reach sobriety.
AA is primarily concerned with people who simply want to stop drinking.
Some may be able to drink lightly/ moderately and can take that road.
Others who have discovered numerous pit falls may hope for total sobriety.
While AA speaks of a God of our own understanding, no religious affiliations are required.
The secular faction of AA largely sees God as the power of the group.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26
You don't have to believe in God or a god, or anything like that. I am an atheist, so the Christian things I hear, I just replace, in my head, with the higher power they speak of, and I think the group as a whole is the higher power. I look it as the whole is greater than sum of parts. I'm not keen on the prayer part either, however, I feel that the benefit of being able to have access to AA anywhere I go, and the fellowship invaluable.
About the speaker meeting, those are good if you don't like to talk, obviously. I went to one last night, and I felt the speaker was really good, in spite of the Christian god talk. What I liked was that he started with "I am not going to do a drunkalog, so if you came here for that, you're going to be disappointed. I am going to talk about how my life has improved since joining AA and doing the steps." He then proceeded to do just that, explained some of the struggles he has had while in the program, and then they opened the floor for comments, which not everyone made. I too would not like a drunkalog. I am focusing on the future, not the past.
A beginner meeting might give you a better idea of AA. You can always say "my name is, I am an alcoholic, and I'd like to listen."
If you want what AA has to offer, then the steps really have to be done with the commitment that you do not ever want to drink again. I know I'm new to AA and sobriety, but this is what I've gleaned so far. If you think you can drink normally or moderately, then I double you'd be here. Generally people have identified a pattern of problem drinking, whether it be drinking for days, weeks, months, or years, or seemingly isolated events, as is my case. I thought for 15 years that each time I blacked out, that it was an isolated event. In the past 30 days I've blacked out every time I drank, but I only drank five times. I euphemistically called it "time travel." It was anything but that. That's pretty much how I've been drinking for many years, in spite of the fact that I no longer do the five day drinking binges of my college years, I was still drinking, and drinking to get annihilated. Yeah, sure, there were occasions where I would stop at four or five beers, but that was usually because I wasn't able to continue drinking. I the opportunity presented itself, you better believe I was continuing on getting tanked.
It may be the case that AA isn't for you. There are other options. There is Quad A, or Atheist and Agnostic Alcoholics Anonymous. There are other options as well. The point is, I think you identified that you have a pattern of problem drinking and that you probably want to stop. It's hard to admit this to yourself. It's hardest of all to face yourself with your own illness. It took me 15 years to admit it to myself. Once I didn't a giant weight was off my shoulders. I know what's wrong with me, and I am working on fixing it. It's not going to solve the fact that I'm overweight (though the fewer empty calories will help), or that I'm shy, or that I have massive debt, but it will help me make informed and sober choices for my life. I won't let alcohol define my life anymore.
About the speaker meeting, those are good if you don't like to talk, obviously. I went to one last night, and I felt the speaker was really good, in spite of the Christian god talk. What I liked was that he started with "I am not going to do a drunkalog, so if you came here for that, you're going to be disappointed. I am going to talk about how my life has improved since joining AA and doing the steps." He then proceeded to do just that, explained some of the struggles he has had while in the program, and then they opened the floor for comments, which not everyone made. I too would not like a drunkalog. I am focusing on the future, not the past.
A beginner meeting might give you a better idea of AA. You can always say "my name is, I am an alcoholic, and I'd like to listen."
If you want what AA has to offer, then the steps really have to be done with the commitment that you do not ever want to drink again. I know I'm new to AA and sobriety, but this is what I've gleaned so far. If you think you can drink normally or moderately, then I double you'd be here. Generally people have identified a pattern of problem drinking, whether it be drinking for days, weeks, months, or years, or seemingly isolated events, as is my case. I thought for 15 years that each time I blacked out, that it was an isolated event. In the past 30 days I've blacked out every time I drank, but I only drank five times. I euphemistically called it "time travel." It was anything but that. That's pretty much how I've been drinking for many years, in spite of the fact that I no longer do the five day drinking binges of my college years, I was still drinking, and drinking to get annihilated. Yeah, sure, there were occasions where I would stop at four or five beers, but that was usually because I wasn't able to continue drinking. I the opportunity presented itself, you better believe I was continuing on getting tanked.
It may be the case that AA isn't for you. There are other options. There is Quad A, or Atheist and Agnostic Alcoholics Anonymous. There are other options as well. The point is, I think you identified that you have a pattern of problem drinking and that you probably want to stop. It's hard to admit this to yourself. It's hardest of all to face yourself with your own illness. It took me 15 years to admit it to myself. Once I didn't a giant weight was off my shoulders. I know what's wrong with me, and I am working on fixing it. It's not going to solve the fact that I'm overweight (though the fewer empty calories will help), or that I'm shy, or that I have massive debt, but it will help me make informed and sober choices for my life. I won't let alcohol define my life anymore.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,021
Originally Posted by Doogie92 
I just went to my second aa meeting. It was a speaker meeting. The speaker was introduced as this great person with an amazing story to tell that will sort of inspire you to live the aa lifestyle or whatever. Anywas, I totally feel weird now. I don't like the god talk, I don't like the chanting and praying together, I don't like listening to other peoples "war stories" of their bad times. I don't feel convicted deep down that I will NEVER drink again, which is how I was told I should feel...my friend came with me and said they don't think I'm that bad and I need to learn to "moderate" my drinking. I am so confused I hate this ********...I have no idea if I am an alcoholic or not?!?!?
However, I have now gone back to other AA meetings which are much more relaxed and gentler. I approached the meetings without prejudice and listened to the stories trying to figure out what resonated with me. It has been much more effective.
My conclusion is try a few meetings more and see what resonates with you. If they are all horrible and simply dont resonate, then walk away. As Dee said, there are other programs as well. AA is not the only game in town.
There is only one objective: being sober. Do whatever it takes to achieve and maintain this.
(Btw, I dont go to THAT meeting anymore
)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 642
I'm an atheist, Doogie.
I know I'm an alcoholic because once I start drinking, it turns into a binge. Get drunk, pass out, wake up and start drinking regardless of responsibilities. I once woke up, took a shot and drank half a beer before work, went to work, came back home mid morning to finish the beer and take a couple more shots, went back to work, and basically just sat at my desk all day. Luckily I had a tolerance so I could hide it. Moral of the story, that's not normal drinking.
I woke up last Friday feeling like death, checked my phone, felt worse than death. Worse feeling ever. Decided never to drink again because alcohol and me do not mix.
Moral of the story: you know you're an alcoholic if you drink to get drunk, drink at socially unacceptable times, crave alcohol, can't quit when you try, obsess about moderating and still fail, etc. Any of the above.
Chance are if you're here, you're at least worried about your relationship with alcohol. If that's the case, I would err on the side of caution if I were you. Quit for a month and see if you think anything of it.
I know I'm an alcoholic because once I start drinking, it turns into a binge. Get drunk, pass out, wake up and start drinking regardless of responsibilities. I once woke up, took a shot and drank half a beer before work, went to work, came back home mid morning to finish the beer and take a couple more shots, went back to work, and basically just sat at my desk all day. Luckily I had a tolerance so I could hide it. Moral of the story, that's not normal drinking.
I woke up last Friday feeling like death, checked my phone, felt worse than death. Worse feeling ever. Decided never to drink again because alcohol and me do not mix.
Moral of the story: you know you're an alcoholic if you drink to get drunk, drink at socially unacceptable times, crave alcohol, can't quit when you try, obsess about moderating and still fail, etc. Any of the above.
Chance are if you're here, you're at least worried about your relationship with alcohol. If that's the case, I would err on the side of caution if I were you. Quit for a month and see if you think anything of it.
Diana
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 13
I do believe cleansobersean said everything I was going to and more. Very well put. I myself am christian, but did not want to hear about God when I was so angry about having to say goodbye to my drinking. Doogie your higher power is meant to be whatever you know it to be just reach for it to help you. As for meetings I have only went to my first one and since then learned they have different ones. I was told to check out different ones to find the one that suites me. My friends told me I didn't have a problem too. You know what? They were my drinking buddies too. They were not trying to do me any harm, but they never seen all the damage alcohol was doing to me. Some did not want to lose the drinking buddy I was, and others just did not know how bad it really was. For you to go to a meeting at all has to make you wonder why. Something inside of you is telling you to listen. You are the only one who really knows what is going on inside. You may not be anything like other members in the meeting. We are all different, but you can count on one thing if you have a problem you will end up having a story like they do. It may be different, but it will be that scary. Good luck to you and listen to your self. Use this site and read some of the stuff. You may find a very close story to yours. I am only on 8 days sober, one meeting so far, and just a baby to this. I do not have all the answers. I just believe our addiction will find anyway to keep us in it.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Doogie,
I never felt comfortable with the holding hands and prayer at the end. But that didn't stop me from getting everything I needed there along with here to stay sober. I had also been forced to go to a meeting I detested in my after detox rehab. I got some good info here to try several other meetings and find a group I clicked with and I did. I am not atheist nor a member of any unusual belief systems. I do not do religions at all. Just the man upstairs so it was amazing to me that I could deal with that. It was good to realize it isn't all about me. One lesson I had to relearn about sober living.
But for getting sober what worked to get me through the first three months was here on SR and AA. After three months just here. Still go see my friends in my old AA home group to let them know I'm fine and to see they are too. If the fellowship attributes bother you do look into other groups as Dee said.
Whatever you do, remember your sobriety is all about you. Take care from yourself.
I never felt comfortable with the holding hands and prayer at the end. But that didn't stop me from getting everything I needed there along with here to stay sober. I had also been forced to go to a meeting I detested in my after detox rehab. I got some good info here to try several other meetings and find a group I clicked with and I did. I am not atheist nor a member of any unusual belief systems. I do not do religions at all. Just the man upstairs so it was amazing to me that I could deal with that. It was good to realize it isn't all about me. One lesson I had to relearn about sober living.
But for getting sober what worked to get me through the first three months was here on SR and AA. After three months just here. Still go see my friends in my old AA home group to let them know I'm fine and to see they are too. If the fellowship attributes bother you do look into other groups as Dee said.
Whatever you do, remember your sobriety is all about you. Take care from yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 642
There are two people that can tell you you're an alcoholic: your doctor and you.
And I'm not completely sold on the common medical understanding of alcoholism. At least the authors of "Under the Influence" stress that there is not much training in medical school for how to recognize early stage alcoholism let alone how to treat it.
And I'm not completely sold on the common medical understanding of alcoholism. At least the authors of "Under the Influence" stress that there is not much training in medical school for how to recognize early stage alcoholism let alone how to treat it.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by jdooner
Doogie, welcome...I felt like you in the beginning and the God "stuff" is oftern difficult to understand and the #1 reason people are hesitant to commit to AA.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 642
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
If I had to pick a "#1 reason," I'd say people aren't yet ready to stop drinking.
This time is different and it's grand. The crappiest I could possibly feel sober is still better than my best drunk.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
Doogie, hello from a fellow Albertan! Like others, I recommend you give AA another chance. If you're in the city, you should have several meetings to choose from. And remember, when people speak of God, they are speaking of their God, not yours. You can choose what your higher power is. AA is a spiritual program, but not a religious one. You can be any religion, or an athesist.
The fellowship was critical to me in very early sobriety. Just being around other drunks like me helped me feel less alone. Then I got a sponsor and did the steps and I truly do feel "happy, joyous and free" most of the time.
My home group in my small town is amazing. Lots of laughter and irreverence, but deadly serious about sobriety.
I just celebrated my one-year birthday last night with my home group. It was one of the proudest moments of my life, and I have never felt such love from a group of people before. I am glad I gave AA a chance, or else I would have missed that moment.
The fellowship was critical to me in very early sobriety. Just being around other drunks like me helped me feel less alone. Then I got a sponsor and did the steps and I truly do feel "happy, joyous and free" most of the time.
My home group in my small town is amazing. Lots of laughter and irreverence, but deadly serious about sobriety.
I just celebrated my one-year birthday last night with my home group. It was one of the proudest moments of my life, and I have never felt such love from a group of people before. I am glad I gave AA a chance, or else I would have missed that moment.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 345
for me, when i am "toying" with the idea of drinking, i start having these thoughts whenever i am working on recovery or trying to make progress, "this is stupid", "this doesn't work" "these people are weird" "i'm not really an alcoholic, but these people definitely are" ...
ha. such a crock, it is an attempt to lure me back into bondage.
but hey, maybe it's just me.
i agree with the group - you deploy every weapon at your disposal to secure your sobriety. if that sounds like some kind of military speak, it is - we're in a war.
ha. such a crock, it is an attempt to lure me back into bondage.
but hey, maybe it's just me.
i agree with the group - you deploy every weapon at your disposal to secure your sobriety. if that sounds like some kind of military speak, it is - we're in a war.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Walked into AA as an unflinching atheist who thought the idea of a 'higher power' was a crutch for weak minded sheep. However, I was desperate to stop drinking and willing to do anything that might work for me.
I recovered as the result of a spiritual awakening from taking AAs 12 Steps. Yeah, yeah, I know, sounds crazy and I still sometimes, a number of years later, find myself surprised at hearing my voice say such a thing. But I can't argue with the results. It works, it really does. :-)
I recovered as the result of a spiritual awakening from taking AAs 12 Steps. Yeah, yeah, I know, sounds crazy and I still sometimes, a number of years later, find myself surprised at hearing my voice say such a thing. But I can't argue with the results. It works, it really does. :-)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by happyhour
for me, when i am "toying" with the idea of drinking, i start having these thoughts whenever i am working on recovery or trying to make progress, "this is stupid", "this doesn't work" "these people are weird" "i'm not really an alcoholic, but these people definitely are" ...
ha. such a crock, it is an attempt to lure me back into bondage.
but hey, maybe it's just me.
i agree with the group - you deploy every weapon at your disposal to secure your sobriety. if that sounds like some kind of military speak, it is - we're in a war.
ha. such a crock, it is an attempt to lure me back into bondage.
but hey, maybe it's just me.
i agree with the group - you deploy every weapon at your disposal to secure your sobriety. if that sounds like some kind of military speak, it is - we're in a war.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 51
Ok, but I hate that your "an alcoholic forever" and you can't leave the group or you die, there's only two choices: miserable drunkennes or aa....I don't wanna sit around talking about alcohol all the time and how sad it all is. I am in NO way an athirst, but I want to feel my spirituality on my terms, not how someone else tells me to do it. I feel most spiritual with people I love, experiencing life and being outdoors, yes I do have a problem with alcohol. Yes I need help to stop, do I KNOW deep down in my heart that I'm done forever? Hell no, and I really don't think anyone in a recovery program should be told they need to feel that way in order to succeed, it's complete and utter ******** and all I can be sure of is that today I want to be sober and will try. I also dislike how they say "it is a higher power as you understand it" yet in ALL the texts they read it is refered to as god. Like sorry I want to stay sober not join a church for alcoholics
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
If you really feel this way Doogie, and noones gonna change your mind, there are other recovery programmes that are not 12 step based or reliant on a Higher Power - like SMART Life Riong, SOS or Rational Recovery
None of these are Canadian links but if you like the sound of something I'm sure they'll be in Canada too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
None of these are Canadian links but if you like the sound of something I'm sure they'll be in Canada too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
