cleansoberSean

Church and religion are two different things. A church is only a church because of the people who attend. So yeah, AA is an alcoholic church. So what? I suggest you try other meetings. They are not all the same. I have been to five different meetings, all at the same place, and they have all been different. Also, none of my meetings have been sad. In fact, I've laughed quite a lot.

Alcoholic is forever. Sorry kiddo, but that's the way it is. Sure you can leave the group. Ive meet people that left after they felt they were ready. They came back when they felt they were going to slip. You don't have to be one of those people that only has AA friends or only does "sober" events like "sober bowling" or "sober bingo." That's just what some people do.

It sounds like you either really don't want to do this, or you do, but that you need someone to tell you what to do. No one can tell you what to do. You have a number of options listed here. There are more. You need to choose what's right for you when you are ready. Ultimately it starts with you.

advbike

I don't particularly care for meetings, and I've been to a lot of them. But I still go once in a while. There is definitely value there but I have never been a group person or a joiner. More of a solitary cat.

I think AA is kind of a one size fits all approach that works great if you need it but it's hard to just take the lite version. For me it feels like using a two pound sledge hammer to drive a finishing nail. I actually don't mind the spiritual aspect, as I do believe in a higher power and pray regularly. And you meet some nice folks and learn lots of tools. But what I don't like is labeling myself an alcoholic and "powerless", having to work a 12-step program, or listening to war stories every night. It's hard to relate, depressing, and actually makes me WANT to drink.

My issue with alcohol revolves around my dependence on 3-4 drinks a night, several nights a week, not drinking to blackout. I've actually reduced my consumption over the years, and I've never had a DUI or lost a job because of it. But all those years have caught up with me and now I have to let it go because I realize I am addicted to it. I hate feeling I need it, struggling to moderate it and the way it makes me feel - mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I can't be my best when I'm putting so much energy into resisting something, it's easier to quit.

So I have let it go. I'm committed to my sobriety and my tools are to see a counselor regularly and to come here for support and as a daily reminder of the consequences should I become complacent. And sometimes I catch a meeting when I feel I need one. At some point I may need them more regularly but right now I don't. They always offer something if you have an open mind, and they're not all like that one you went to.

Doogie92

"But what I don't like is labeling myself an alcoholic and "powerless", having to work a 12-step program, or listening to war stories every night. It's hard to relate, depressing, and actually makes me WANT to drink."

EXACTLY

if I make a decision to quit something, alcohol, bulimia, a bad boyfriend, negative friends, I don't want to sit around thinking and talking about it for the next twenty years. I want to get on with my bloody life. Maybe this makes me in denial or makes me not a true alcoholic. I don't know anymore. I heard in aa no alcoholic has all the answers, but they sure like to act like they do.

Doogie92

Also when the other alcoholics tell their stories it's almost as if some of them are "bragging" about how bad they were. Then us who are not all that bad start to think "wow maybe I really don't have a problem, I'm no where near that level"

Dee74

Let's not make this into another AA sucks thread.
We don't do that here.

If you don't like AA try something else Doogie.

D

advbike

Only YOU know if you have a problem. Are you able to control it? Does your drinking negatively affect your relationships or abiity to manage your life (job, finances, etc).

In my case no one else complained, but it was taking too much mental and emotional energy to continue to control and moderate my habit. And I believe my long term drinking (30 yrs), while moderate in comparison to some, was having a negative effect on my mental and physical well-being. As all addictions eventually do. When you feel bad about yourself or are always obsessing over a problem, you can't focus on work, relationships, etc. You get the idea. You need to take a hard look at yourself and be honest. Then do what you need to do.

ReadyAtLast

Have a look at Rational Recovery: AVRT doogie-It works for me and you may find you can relate to it better. You stop drinking then get on with life. Of course there's more to it than that but you get the initial picture

There's a crash course which you can google but I would recommend you get the book -it's on Amazon and ebay

jdooner

Fair point - I did not think that through...I meant its the objection I seem to hear most.

Thanks,

jdooner

Doogie - I certainly don't have the answers and yes I am an alcoholic. I did not think so at first. My rationale for quitting was a concern that I had a problem but unsure of the extent and to inspire my wife to follow my example. I also just had a traumatic bottom - I am not going to rehash.

I felt like you: 1) I was unsure if I was alcoholic - I tended to relate more to a problem drinker; 2) I could not relate to many of the shares; and 3) I felt I could control my disease - hell I had accomplished many things I was better than this disease!

So what happened in the past 30 days? Well: 1) I had physical withdrawal in the first week; 2) I have read the book and relate more and more; 3) I realized how close to death I actually was; 4) I have had some experiences I cannot explain and the odds of all of these occurring at the same time are a mathematical impossibility.

I am not projecting this on you but sharing my recent story. By believing in God , I have been able to let go (this works for any construct bigger than you - universe, energy, Moses, Allah, etc.). By letting go, I have accepted I cannot control this disease. Therefore, I am not God.

This has taken much work and still have much to do but I have no desire to drink. I am in a dangerous/vulnerable situation bc I have had some rapid success early in recovery so the natural thing is for my hubris to kick in - think of icarus flying too close to the sun despite what his dad told him - this is me. I know that one drink will undo me bc I am an alcoholic.

I am not suggesting you get this - I would have laughed at someone posting this on my early threads - hell, I did. But this is why I find the steps and sequence important. BTW - Iam only on steps 4&5 currently.

The difference in a recovered alcoholic in my opinion and someone who abstains from drinking that may be an alcoholic is the ability to enjoy life to the fullest without grinning and bearing every second of everyday - I mean no offense BTW to anyone out there this is simply my perception and why I opened myself up to God.

I hope some of this helps.

Mentium

I have often thought that if I had the bad luck to attend the 'wrong' meeting the first few times I went to an AA meeting I would have run screaming from the room!

They do vary a lot iin the tone and they feel and if you are a natural sceptic, which I am, if the spiritual element is pushed too hard too early I can see how off putting that can be.

I enjoy the face to face company and the stories of other people - not the horror stories so much as the more ordinary ones. As to the Steps and the spiritual element - well I am open minded and I have come to realise that in order to stay sober I need to do some work on 'me' and what makes me prone to addiction. That, in language written in the 1930s is what steps 3,4 and 5 mean to me. However those are for the future I think as I am only a month into this.

As has been said, there are other approaches and perhaps one of those will suit you better, but I would suggest trying a couple more meetings before you decide.

Itchy

Doogie,
Do you have a problem with the recovery method, or the idea of recovering itself. Recovering means knowing you are working to be done forever with drinking.

No matter what method to stop drinking you try, all mean for you to stop drinking.

Are you saying you don't know if you want to quit for good or not? If that is the case you can and will pick apart whatever method you try as failing your escape clause. Quitting for an alcoholic is disruptive of our comfort zone.

It does take that decision, that knowing deep down that you are through to succeed in every method of quitting.

That is why we call it quitting, not quitting maybe.

Many folks quit and stay sober just using the support here at SR. You can also find out about counseling both group and one on one if face to face is needed. I needed face to face and SR. I could not beat the price and convenience of AA. But I also used my doc, VA hospital, and counseling.

If you don't think hanging around talking about it is what you want then who will be here tomorrow? I have three years sober and by that criteria I also have better things to do. So do volunteers at shelters, old folks homes, group counseling centers, hospitals, the VA, and here.

I am here because I want to be, not because I need to be. I am recovered. It is just paying back a little of what I got that helped me keep my commitment to sobriety.

Doogie you joined here long before your last sobriety date. And you have attended two AA meetings. I am glad to see you adding to your program when what you were doing wasn't working for you. How many programs will you burn through before you give up being right and the whole world wrong. I'm not talking ego, or humility. Nor blaming you for acting like an alcoholic.

There must be some reason you are here. If it is to quit for good then just go ahead. But earlier you said you won't commit to that.

I always say that if I don't know where I am going, I will always end up someplace else. I like to know what I want. One of my goals is met. I wanted to be sober for good and I am. And I took what I could use from each program and person and left the rest.

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, then complain that the baby isn't there.

What do you want?

KyrieEleison

I think the easy way to consider if you are an alcoholic or not is to look at your experience with alcohol throughout your life.

An alcoholic has little control over the amount they drink, and finds it troublesome to stay stopped once they have promised to never drink again.

Has this been the case for you?

Have you had trouble controlling your drinking?

Have you done absurd, tragic things while drinking? Does your personality change dramatically while drinking? Do you find it difficult to live without being under the influence of alcohol? Do you need something to change the way you feel?

Have you had trouble staying stopped after swearing off?

If you have trouble with the meetings...you can always get yourself a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous and start at the title page.

Read the book, and follow the instructions word for word. Don't jump around in the book...the chapters are in order for a reason.

At the end of the experience, it should be clear if you are an alcoholic or not.

You may prefer this solitary approach to begin with.

If you need help, send me a pm.

Best of luck to you.

Doogie92

@itchy: Well that was a very honest answer, thanks. A lot of that really spoke to me, and made me think. Honestly I can't say 100% I never will drink again....I am mostly very confused. It seems to be the overriding emotion of my life.

cleansoberSean

I have found focusing on one thing at a time has helped. I have found the Serenity Prayer useful in realizing that there are some things I can control, some I can't.



God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

I am someone that worries about everything all at once. You're not going to solve everything at once. No one can, and those that try fail. I'd say work on the drinking first, because then you'll have the clarity to deal with everything else. I haven't got a job at the moment, and the moment that anxiety pops up, I just have to remember that I am focusing on me and getting me better. Sure, I'm looking for work starting Monday, but right now I know that's way too much for me to deal with.

LuLu13

I am sixty something days sober and attended quite a few AA meetings the first three weeks. I found two I really liked and go to those when I can. I am sad I cannot attend my Monday meeting anymore since I got a job and start Monday but I am also adverse to homelessness. The one thing I always try to remember at the meetings is to look for the similarities and not the differences.

Imabuleva

Can you have just one drink and think nothing of it?

freshstart57

My HP gives me a choice on how to live my life, and it is up to me to make the right choices. My choices have consequences and I can no longer accept the consequences of drinking. My HP has also given me the tools I can use to succeed in sobriety if I choose to. And I do.

IOAA2

I had many of the same questions when I first attended AA some years ago. The #1 suggestion was to get honest with myself and realize my alcohol soaked brain made that difficult as it takes a certain period of time to think "clearly." Next was could I ALWAYS drink in safety? Could I guarantee the results if I drank. Did thinking about drinking occupy much of my time? Most people think about it in passing. Did I consider it a friend and be difficult to be away from? When I got into trouble/difficulty was drinking involved? There are many more questions that can be asked even if we don't like the answers we have to accept the truth. BE WELL

Anna

It sounds to me like you\re unsure whether or not you want to stop drinking. If that's the case, it will be darn near impossible to succeed at recovery. Motivation is key to recovery. In my opinion, motivation is the most important thing, and if AA doesn't work for you, there are many other ways to stop drinking. But, you have to really want it.

wakko

You may want to read your initial post to get some perspective on where you were. You went from 100 percent positive to I'm not sure. Alcohol lured me back more times than I can count and the results were all the same pain suffering shame guilt and illness. AA workedfor me but regardless there will be a physical component, psychological component, spiritual component and social component of successful recovery. AA addresses is all of these but there are other ways.

I have gone to over 1000 AA meetings and I do not even remotely have the program figured out. Each meeting is different and has its own unique flavor. Each group has its own take on sobriety. One thing I will say is I never felt that anybody at any meeting ever tried to jam anything down my throat

I've always taken what I want and left the rest.