Boleo

Are you talking about the "Pink Cloud" of being sober or the "Glory days" of drinking?

Mentium

I have a tendency to romanticise drinking if I am not careful. I have fond memories of sitting on a sun soaked terrace in the south of France as the evening starts to come and that first couple of glasses of cheap but 'excellent' local wine. The glow that comes with that and the sense of easy and relaxed living.

Sounds nice doesn't it?

Except me and the missus would be talking bollox within an hour and I would collapse into an unromantic heap on the bed by 10 and wake with a raging head and fifthly taste in my mouth at 5, and lay there feeling crap and waiting for the dawn and another day and another drink and another drunk.

..and on and on..

joygirl

KristyCat,
Hey, I know what you're talking about. But, really, you will feel really good again, perhaps even better. I found I had to include activities that give a natural source of those brain chemicals. I've learned I'm a bit of an adrenaline junkie! Even some regular, strenuous exercise (I run) gives me a real boost. Lots of things can take the place of the booze. Find what you like. I hope this helps some. I wish you the best.

wakko

Along with destroyed relationships, bad health, troubles with the law, Guild, shame the list goes on and on. I know one thing for certain I drank the fun out of alcohol a long long time ago

MattyBoy

As everyone else has said, play the tape to the end... Also what I noticed the last couple times I relapsed after being sober for a while is that those feelings of euphoria and relaxation that I felt when I first got drunk didn't come back... I mean it felt ok, but it was nothing like the feeling that I got when I first got drunk and was quickly replaced by remorse, shame and an overwhelming desire for more and then.... Back to alcohell again...
Kinda reminds me of what they say about crack addicts always chasing the first high but never will get it again. True to a point with us alcoholics... I know after 3 relapses that alcohol will never give me the feelings of comfort that it did the first time I used it... I've accepted that and moved on.

tootsl1

I have never heard the term 'euphoric recall' before, but it perfectly describes the feeling that can suddenly hit one with a memory of a good time when drinking. For me recently it was after a great game of golf on a sunny day, I would have always had a cold lager. Now I have a cold fizzy water. I am slowly overriding those drinking memories, with sober ones. The first time in each instance is hardest, but it gets easier. When I am craving I surf the urge through to its conclusion?

Bebetter

Wow... I hear you. I'm just shy of 90 days too (will be 3 months on Sept 30), and I think it's the weather change that's really getting me all romantic about booze. We have Octoberfest this weekend too, and I can see my past self with a frosty mug listening to the roaring music. I'll be doing that again this year, but probably with hot cider. I think about fall wine tours, drinking wine on my deck in the cool air, bonfires with beers - all those fall festivities that have always gone on with a cup of something in my hand.

Like you, I know I won't drink. I'm too far into this, and I don't need a monster to fight anymore. But the "good times" memories are stronger than they were, and I also think it's because I'm more and more distanced from the nastiness of a hangover, or the awful feelings of regret over things I said or did while drunk. Even now, just writing that last sentence, I cringe at all those "romantic" thoughts of booze. Even if an evening drinking beer at Octoberfest ends well, I'll be off the wagon and eventually, my nights will start ending badly again and my life will spiral out of control, and the beast will be bigger than it was before, and I'll have to fight it all over again. Not worth it...

Dee74

I think each of us has access to real memories - being sick, being enbarrassed, getting into trouble...going on benders...

it took me a little time to go to those places rather than the rosy daydreams (which I might add had little if no basis in reality - I never drank just one or two and never genteely...)

but it will happen - keep 'playing the tape through to the end'

D

KristyCat

No it's not the "pink cloud," it's a sudden flashback to a time when I was drunk and feeling euphoric, along with an intense desire to feel that way again and re-create that experience. It can be really overpowering for me. It is what led to my last relapse (I had 7 months sober at the time).

It's tough because I associate a lot of things that make me feel good with alcohol. Like exercise--I always drank after a good workout. Going out/being social--always with alcohol. Dressing up--always to go out and drink. Certain music I love--always played it getting ready to go party. A lot of these things I would not let myself experience because I felt like I didn't deserve them. I am also fighting an eating disorder that tells me I don't deserve to feel good unless I'm at a certain weight. Drinking til I was heavily intoxicated was the only way I could "let go" of some of these rules I'd put in place and let myself feel happy.

Right now in recovery, I am slowly breaking these associations. I am finally letting myself enjoy things in life sober, and without the Eating Disorder voice dictating when I deserve to feel good. I'm working really hard and getting a lot of professional help to do this. I developed the ED at 14, became an alcoholic at 20...I'm almost 30 and honestly I feel like I am JUST starting to figure out who I am and live my life. I haven't really lived yet.

It is challenging but extremely exciting at the same time! Sorry that was so long!

Renarde

I just try to remember that I want to experience life authentically and without a pacifier. I also remember the hangovers. Today I wanted to drink and reminded myself of that hot, nauseous, horrible feeling.

ZeldaFan

I'm approaching 30 days myself and I had a minor version of that feeling the other day. It promptly went away when I thought about what came after the happy feeling of the early buzz. That buzz would quickly lead to more drinking, then passing out and, finally, waking up sick, vomiting, sweaty, shaking and depressed. Not worth it at all!

EndGameNYC

I rarely get cravings, and when I do, they're neither strong nor long-lasting. Reading this thread and all the lovely pictures of drinking past has made me thirsty.

Nurse!

Banquo

I think of them the same way as childhood Christmas Days. Good memories but I can't feel them again.

Then of course there's the comedown afterwards. And I think of the guilt I always felt. Never getting that crushing guilt is euphoric in itself.

afloatsober

I have accepted that i will never capture those 'great days' in the past when alcohol 'worked' for me.
I remember them distantly.
More recently, my thoughts return to the hopeless state of mind and body that my last drink resulted in.
My condition has progressed.
I have tried every way for 35 years to drink 'normally'.
Finally i have conceded to my innermost self that i am an alcoholic.
That when my illness tells me 'it'll be alright' it lies.
It really wants me alone, curtains drawn, bottle in hand, sobbing and wondering why? again.
Not today tho eh?
You don't drink. End of. Now relax and enjoy your day.
G

happyenuff

If I do not take evasive action upon the first milliseconds of an ER, then I'm a goner, taken away by it.

These run-ins with one "ER" are therefore inspiring me to pose for myself an aversive strategy: "ER" also stands for Emergency Room.

'nuff said.

HappyEnuff

Winslow

Wow,how timely for this thread to be bumped! I had this BAD last night,sitting out watching fireworks I kept fantasizing about past fourth of July days when I'd drink and it was fun....back then,lost its fun years ago yet my brain kept replaying the good times