jat14

I first came into recovery on Aug. 11, 2008. My introduction to it was to go the ER because I didn't know where else to go. A social worker there called the detox centre for me and that's where my journey started. Me ringing the doorbell at 4 a.m. and this old hippie answered the door and said come on in, we are going to help you. I stayed there for a week and from there I called my family to let them know how far I had fallen.. since then I have done rehab, women's groups, AA and have never had solid sobriety for more than 9 months.. Yesterday sitting at my desk at work I got this brilliant idea to go see what my old drinking buddies were up to.. of course it ended badly and stumbled home.. and barely made it into my apartment building..luckily 2 angels came to my rescue when I fell. The lady angel helped me up to my place and made sure I was ok. p.s. I've got a badly cut knee from my fall but it's a good reminder that I am an alcoholic and I look at it every once in a while just to keep me aware of what I did yesterday. Of course I have a hangover that makes feel anxious and scared and depressed so I am quite pleased with myself that I managed to type this... so I ask myself when? when will you take this seriously.. so I finally answered myself ..no bs no excuses. I am taking this seriously today.. and tomorrow I will make the decision to do it again.. rinse, repeat.

SkyeSea

Welcome to SR and well done for getting straight back to it

lorelei

made the decision, well done, on wards & upwards from here x

hayley86

Welcome jat14, glad you have joined us.

FourSeasons

Good for you!!! You are here!!! Welcome!

keithj

I can appreciate the welcoming and encouragement everyone is offering. And while it's very commendable that one would get back up and try again, it may be useful to look at some facts from your own experience. Haven't you been making the decision to not drink for the past 5 years?

I know before I got sober, I kept thinking that some new circumstance or resolve was going to make me wake up and smell the coffee and get real darn serious 'this time'. It was delusional thinking on my part to believe that my will power was going to be any more effective today than it had been 5 years ago. It might be worth very closely at programs that have been successful for others.

jat14

thank you all for welcoming me. Keith, I have been trying not to drink for the last 5 years and have fooled myself into thinking that I can do it every now and then, but I know deep down that I cannot drink.. not even a drop. Reading your post has made me realize that I have to get back to my woman's group step work meetings. I need to do something different because I find that not having accountability and by that I mean not going to meetings and doing this my way is a recipe for failure. Even after 5 years I am still struggling with step 1 I never really was able to accept that I would never be able to drink ever again. I thought I had when I had 9 months but then went back out. Anyway I'm really exhausted living like this so hopefully *this* time will work.

silentrun

Welcome Jat14.
Glad to see you posted and got a proper welcome. That was a pretty hot thread you came in on. Basically the difference between recovery and sobriety. You used the word "fooled" in your post. That's a promising word. Once you stop letting it fool you that's when you start to move away.
They have a class of September thread on here. You may want to join it.

ChrisBen

Welcome jat! Keep reading and posting. You can do this!

wakko

Unfortunately I had to put myself through an awful lot of pain that was unnecessary before I was able to take it seriously. In my case I had to have a brush with death before I could honestly say to myself I simply cannot drink like other people and never will.

I believe surrender just means Joining the winning side.

Anna

I'm glad you're back and ready to do this.

I wonder if you have a plan as to how to make it work this time, so that you don't go back to drinking?

Dee74

welcome jat14

I think acceptance of the toxic relationship alcohol and I had was a turning point for me.

If you can build on that with a little work and support, you have the makings of a great recovery and a great future
D

Hevyn

Hi jat. I'm so sorry for all you've been through, but glad you've reached out for some help.
I think being here and posting will help calm you and give you courage to get through this. We all care and are rooting for you to get well. We know you can do it.

least

to the family! You'll find a lot of support and experience here. We're here to help you on your sober journey. You are not alone.

jat14

thank you all so very much. just reading your posts actually makes a difference and it seems real now. I have been flying under the radar for so long now and now I really believe I am ready to do this. The right way. To Anna - my plan of action 'this time' is to get my a** back to my meetings and stay connected. My woman's group counselor always made a point of asking us "what is the first word in the 12 steps?" We. I'm so very appreciative to all who posted and don't feel so all alone in this now. Today's hangover actually wasn't the worst one by a long shot, but how I felt about myself was significantly different and I remembered that I had visited this site last week and thank God I remembered that.

archenemy

9 months is exactly when I break. I go 9 entire months sober..then I feel like I'm climbing the walls for a bottle. Its happened every 9 months to me for years. I wish it would just leave me alone after I worked so hard.

KateL

Great attitude xxx

sugarbear1

How's it going today, jat14?

jat14

I'm a totally different person today.. thanks to this place. Today is actually my 4 month anniversary. I cannot fathom living any other way. So many doors open and I'm finding the simplest things bring me so much joy. I was a very broken misguided person when I created this thread. I never want to feel like that ever again. *That* is what keeps me going and choosing sobriety today

Dee74

Congratulations on 4 months

D